After some weeks fooling around in Cambodia, I spent some time in Pattaya, I had a blast, but had to get back to Bangkok to do a bit of shopping before catching my flight. I figured I’d see Spicy and try to catch up with Corker.

The morning of my departure, I tried calling Spicy then sent her a text message. I finally got a text message from her. She’s sick, thinks she’s pregnant and wants to go home. Yumpin’ yimminy! I must now confess that if is she indeed pregnant, there’s a fair to middling chance I’m responsible. I call again and finally get through. She’s sounds horrible, can barely speak.

“I’m on my way to Bangkok now” I told her. “I’ll be there in a few hours and will come visit you.” I told her I’d call when I arrived and sort it out from there.

Pregnant? Sheeeeesh!

When I got off the bus in Bangkok, I called her to get her address. Her voice was back to normal and sounded just fine. She told me she was at work. At work? She then admitted she was joking with me. Yeah, some joke! Well, she got me back for my little screw-up on my last visit, whether intentional or not.

As I’d intended to be in town only a few nights, I decided to stay near Nana in a crummy hotel I’d solicited once before. The one big selling factor for me was that the beds were soft and cushy.

I was stiff from the long bus ride and decided to walk all the way to Cowboy. I also had to pay a visit to my tailors to see if the shirts and pants I’d ordered came out OK.

I checked out the various vendor stalls along the way, looking for worthy souvenirs and gifts. I’ve always been curious about the weapons. You know, you can procure the damnedest stuff there, everything from brass knuckles to swords. The brass knuckles were particularly interesting. I’d never tried them before (and by trying I mean trying them on).

I slipped the largest pair over my fingers to see how they felt. Good lord, I pity the foo’ who picks a fight with a guy wearing those damn things. The spiked variety could do some serious, serious damage. I could imagine keeping a pair of those in my pocket in case a mugger should attempt to roll me back home (not that this has ever happened, but just a worse case scenario thing). Upon further consideration, it would be bit difficult to explain to customs back home.

I arrived at Cowboy and made my way to Spice Girls. It was early so I didn’t get molested. Inside, I looked around for Spicy. There was no way I was going to mistake her again. There were a few girls hanging around, but no Spicy. I asked mammasan where she was.

Spicy’s real nickname is not the typical Nok, Nee, Nam or one of the other vaguely English terms, but more an usual sound than a name. So, when I asked mammasan where Spicy was, I had a rough time remembering the proper pronunciation. Mammasan wanted to know if I was looking for girl X or girl Y. “No,” I insisted, “<strange>!” She was perplexed. She sent for one of the girls who came up and said she was the one I was looking for. No, cute, but not Spicy Girl.

After a few minutes, I heard a yelp of delight and Spicy shot across the bar and into my arms. I gave her a big hug. I told her about where I went and what I did and she told me about what she’d been doing. She also told me it was her birthday today.

“Huh?” Sure enough, my girl was officially in her last year of her teens. I asked if they were having a party for her. They weren’t. She also told me her sister was here for her celebration. Yeah, some celebration, I thought.

Well, if the bar wasn’t going to have a party for her, as I’ve seen so many times before in various bars around Thailand, I was taking her out on the town. Actually, I was determined to go the Lumpini night bazaar to pick up the assorted gifts to bring home, but I was sure she’d have a good time. “OK, we go.” Spicy was already dressed, so there would be no delay.

"No delay?" I can hear you say, "but this is Thailand!"

When a girl gave me the bill, I had to look at it twice. “Um, what’s this?” I asked pointing to the 700THB figure. She pointed to the wall. A sign indicated that bar fines were more expensive at the early part of the evening. “What the fuck?” This is a seriously dangerous trend.

I told Spicy I’d pick her up at nine when the bar fine was more reasonable. I made my way out the bar and headed up the soi. Then I got to thinking. I was going to take a taxi to Lumpini to do some shopping and come back here. That would give me only an hour or so of shopping, hardly enough time. I then considered the difference between the premium bar fine price and the regular price; a few drinks at the very most. I turned around and went back to Spice Girls.

I had a few choice words with the mammasan about her extortion rates and paid up. I told Spicy we were going out. She made mention of her sister. “Bring her along” I said.

Her sister was maybe two or three years older and not a working girl. She worked in a hotel, probably doing laundry. Having arrived only a few weeks earlier, she spoke but a few words in English. Spicy, on the other hand, had been practicing dutifully and had a very good vocabulary.

We walked around the corner and I invited the girls to sup at the street stalls. I had them order my meal and prepare it with the various condiments only a Thai can understand. The cost for the three of us was barely more than a single drink at the bar.

We climbed into a cab, sister in front, and took off for the Lumpini night bazaar. Neither girl had ever been there before, but both knew about it. The two of them looked around curiously, not sure what to make of the place. I told them the sort of gifts I was looking for and we started down on of the numerous aisles.

Spicy had a pained look on her face. When I asked her what was wrong, she showed me that her feet were hurting from her shoes, not exactly designed for walking. I had the girls swap shoes and told Spicy she was about to get a birthday present.

We checked out the various shoe sellers. Thai girls are no different then their Western cousins when it comes to shoe shopping. She finally settled on a very practical pair of pseudo-Berkenstocks for a hundred baht.

We eventually stumbled upon the beer bar part of the bazaar. If you’ve never been there, it’s basically a huge open-air entertainment restaurant bar. A stage dominates one end of a (what felt like) a football-field-size open air court surrounded by countless food stalls serving everything from traditional Thai food to German sausages.

The stage show was impressive. It was a very professional performance with a live band and lighting effects. The performers were a mix of guys and girls (and, to be honest, the girls were also a mix of guys and girls).

My dates for evening were both full, so we ordered drinks and enjoyed the show. The girls picked the most colorful items on the photo menu and we played “Spot the Ladyboy” as we watched the stage.

Photo: Spicy Girl 04
Potent lady drinks
Photo: Spicy Girl 05
Spicy shows me her pussy.
Photo: Spicy Girl 06
Eating pussy!

When the performance ended, we hunted around for more my souvenirs. The variety of things available, although nothing like the weekend market, was amazing. Equally impressive, was the taste and quality of the shops. With only a six foot by eight foot stall, some of these young shopkeepers have created tasteful oases within the market mayhem.

At one point, both girls dashed off to the bathroom. I’m used to girls spending excessive amounts of time in there, but Spicy was in there wayyyy too long. When she finally did come out, I saw the reason for the delay. She’d managed to get ahold of some makeup. You see, when we left the bar, she had nothing but a stain of lipstick. The girl is gorgeous with her fresh face. Unfortunately, with makeup on she looks a lot younger, like a kid trying to look older. Needless to say, I’m not exactly fond of that look. Oh well.

Eventually, we happened upon the Ferris wheel. OK, we didn't exactly stumble over it -- I mean, the damn thing dominates the whole area -- but you get my meaning.

Both the girls were intrigued and I announced we were going for a ride. I recall the ride was not cheap, but neither was it expensive. I also had the vague notion that it was a Russian construct.

We climbed into the little four-seat booth and ascended. The girls were a little nervous, made more so by my fooling around, but they eventually relaxed and we had a terrific time.

Photo: Spicy Girl 07
Posing in front of the Ferris wheel.

As the bazaar closed, I managed to find the various gifts to take home. We made our way to the exit of the park area and got into a cab. The driver wanted some ridiculous amount to take us to my hotel. “Ha, ha, ha,” I laughed and quietly said we’d use the meter.

I’ve dealt with this sort of nonsense before and wasn’t having any of it. The girls wanted to leave and find another cab. “No, we will wait here.” The theory is, the guy can take me by meter and earn an honest baht, or he can stew in his own bile, unable to get anyone to take his cab while I occupied it.

After five minutes, the girls were frantic. It was obvious they weren’t prepared to play my waiting game, so I capitulated. We ended up flagging down a passing cab who was more than happy to earn the hundred baht fare.

On the way back to my hotel, I was trying to figure out what the girls’ plan was. I wasn’t attracted to Spy’s sister, but the idea of boning sisters has always appealed to me. I thought I’d just see where things went.

As we rounded onto Nana from Sukhumvit, Spicy said her sister would go home now. I knew it was a bit of a ways from there, so I shoved fifty baht into her hand. She was quite taken aback and tried to refuse, but I didn’t want her walking home at midnight. I knew she’d be able to get home for far less, but I knew the additional funds would be put to good use.

Photo: Spicy Girl 08
Spicy tells me she had a marvelous evening on her birthday.

We checked into the hotel and got a shower. It wasn’t until then that I noticed that she’d had hair extensions put in. I thought something looked different about her, but given my pathetic memory performance with her, I wasn’t about to ask her.

Having just returned from Pattaya, I was not in top sanuking form, but the night was well spent – as was I.