Trip Number “5” securely fastened to my belt. Sorry for the delay in publishing this trip report.
Background:
6 Total people on this trip, A friend of mine who I took last august was the only one experienced, the other 4 where fresh meat and had never left the states. Unfortunately I was able to only escape reality of the grind of life for 7 days. But enough with the details let me try to remember some details.
Vacation Time:
Had everyone who lived locally spend the night at my place to ensure we all made. Woke up, drove to Miami, got stuck in traffic, parked, checked in, and then went to clear security. Beep!!! , “ok let me take my wallet out even though threes no metal in it” Beep! Shit, I forgot to take my belt off, now the fun begins. I will be completely honest in this story. Quite frankly I was an idiot and thanks to a night of drinking, then smoking in the parking lot, and not wearing a belt often, I completely never thought to remove it. The fact I rarely wear pants because I live in Florida didn’t help me remember either. Ok enough excuses, so I argue with the guy to let me try again, after getting nowhere I am put in a special box with a locked door and told to wait on a TSA rep. Wow this is fun, everyone looking at me and my friends pissed there having to wait. So a few minutes later a TSA boy arrives and tells me he knows I am going to Costa Rica and I’ve won a full body massage compliments of the federal government, I tell him of my mistake , and insist I need to just walk though again. Nope this is a mandatory massage treatment. After 5 minutes of foreplay and heavy touching, I’m just kicked to the curb. What did I learn: don’t wear a belt, or don’t get stoned before clearing security or else you’ll win a free massage by BOB of TSA! Ignorance is bliss!
We land in San Jose; all of the new guys are taking it in, meet dad, who is retired in Costa Rica to give us a lift to the presidente. The whole group has lunch in the news cafe and the debauchery begins. Let’s drink as much imperial as we can in one sitting, great idea, not! Everyone settles in, Two guys head to the delrey that afternoon, I take 3 newbie’s over to zona blue. Get lost walking to zona blue, even though I’ve done it time and time again. Spot the holiday inn and use it as my reference and get everyone there. I’m looking for Angie, the girl from this summer’s trip. Not there, I see the Columbian from last trip. Not too many stunners and really sad faces on, we have a few drinks. After a few rounds, the bartender asks why any of us aren’t seasoning. My reply to her was “Is your pussy for sale?” We left shortly afterwards, since no one pulled the trigger and if I ordered another beer it would probably be laced with cyanide. Strolled over to the delrey and found the rest of the boys there. Didn’t see anything I liked or really wanted to bang. Things are still downhill at the hotel delrey. The night wore on and then this average looking Dominican girl kept chatting with me and seemed nice. I was not attracted to her, she wasn’t nasty, just not my type. So I finally am ready to leave and am very tired. So I tell her I need some BBBJ/CIM/ Good Massage, but no sex. Price set: 25,000 Colones. Just under $50 USD. We get to the presidente, wicked blow job, I mean just awesome! So the next thing that happened was I got raped! The Dominican girl tries to jump on my dick bare back. !#@!@#$!@#$#!@#$!@#$@!$#!@$!@$! Brakes!!!!!!! So she is sitting on my stomach, her pussy is pretty wet, enough I could sense it. I ask what that was all about; she says she wants to get fucked. Well I tell her all I wanted was some head and didn’t have any extra money (Complete lie), she then grabs both of my shoulders and pushes down on me as I am lying down and says “I don’t care about extra money, I want you to fuck me.” Enough said! I grab a rubber and let her jump on. Spine tingling sex ensued. I don’t know what it is, but I find the best girls for balls to the wall, just hardcore banging are black girls. I have only had two ever, and the sex was just insane!
Woke up with a broken pelvis, or so it seemed. I headed down the presidentes complimentary breakfast. It’s a great breakfast, and now instead of eggs they have a chef right next to the buffet who cooks custom omelets! One thing I always love about breakfast is the shit eating grins I see on my friends faces over the previous nights events.
After breakfast, I took everyone on the downtown san jose tour, typically leave the presidente, walk west, tour the Mercado central and buy pointless trinkets. After Mercado central , we walked down to the “Coca Cola Auto Bus Station” The easiest way to find this place is to walk west down ave central, past Mercado central, and turn right when you hit a big pharmacy , it’s a blue building , and If memory serves me right , west of the hospital san jaun de dios. Once you make that right the station is one block north , on the left. Bus tickets from san jose to jaco run around $2.00 , which is a steal and the ride takes only 2.5 hours with minimal stops. The seats are cozy , but the bus does lack A/C . When traveling with a group this is my way to go. F**K paying $100.00 for a cab , even split among 6 people , $17.00 is still insane. I feel like the Porker of central America. My advice is to buy your tickets the day before, as seats sell out quick.
Costa Rica Bus Schedule Link
After we secured bus tickets, we headed back to the presidente. We had some lunch at chelles , this is the 24hr resteraunt on the corner of ave central, and 9th st. Cheap and nothing special , but for some reason I keep going back. 3 friends hoped in a cab and went to explore Heredia and the university. I told them they were wasting there time. Like an idiot I felt the need to party in the afternoon , too much “Salt” , but once I emerged I started walking to the delrey. On the way I ran into two friends on the way back with girls in tow, I was so F**ked up , One of my friends girl , said I got a great girl for you and ran me into the delrey to meet her friend. Her friend was super hot, tica , nice tits , ass and just overall a 10. I sat down , ordered a water and hoped my world would stop spinning, “ This chica, within 30 seconds of me sitting down was ready to go, I tried to talk to her , she wasn’t interested , then $100 for one hour , ouch! I sat there at the blue marlin and had my drink, thinking what to do and wondering why I am so tweaked so early in the afternoon, really feeling like a dirt bag, hey I am honest , I am not writing this report for glamour , it’s a report , I am reporting raw details. A few minutes later a guy comes up and talks to the chica I’ve been talking with. Immediately I evaporate to her and can barley get the time of day. Strike 3, I get up to go to the bathroom and never return. So I make a few laps and see an absolute sweetie in the corner playing the slots, so I go over to sit down. This chica is extremely shy and I have never seen her. So I sit down and play some slots and bull shit with her for awhile. This girl is so shy after about an hour or playing slots with her and bullshitting, I finally ask her if she likes the hotel presidente. She says yes, It was so sweet how shy she was. She smiled and started to open up to me, I told her I wanted two-three hours , I said how much , almost ashamed she quietly says “cien” I give her a look and say 80 , she smiles and off we go. She was exactly what I needed that afternoon, Great BBBJ in the shower, more BBBJ in bed, then she jumps on top, but WTF, after about 5 minutes my dick is soft. I don’t understand, I’ve got a hot chica riding me and at least 20min of good BBBJ. So I get some more head and try at it again, about 2 min into doing her missionary , boom soft again , I am embarrassed and livid , this is the 1st time I’ve ever had a problem. So somehow I manage to jerk off and bust a nut on her tits. Then I got a good massage and watched TV with her for awhile. Why did I had a problem, the f**King “SALT” evil shit, have I learned my lesson , yes!!!!!!! She was a great girl, and I got her number and made plans to show her I can beat that pussy up later in the trip “Sin Drugas”!
Photo: Wendy 01
Next day took the bus to jaco, stopped at a truck stop in ortina on the way. I ate a hamburger from a hot case, and had some orange juice. We got to jaco and checked into the hotel Copacabana, this was my first time at the Copacabana, Decent looking hotel, but with a great location near the beetle bar. We checked in and got drunk at the pool bar. Everyone went to KFC for dinner, yes there is a KFC, it’s next to the quiznos, and yes I know Jaco is ruined! I took everyone for a tour of the beetle bar that night. The beetle bar is now enclosed and has tables instead of benches. The drink prices have also gone up. The staff was not friendly or helpful. The talent was overall shitty , out of 10 girls , 6 I wouldn’t fuck for free , 2 I would fuck for free, 1 was decent , 1 was hot , so 2 out of 10 girls were worthy to take back to the hotel. I thought the delrey went to hell, damn the beetle bar could teach it a thing or two. Later in the night I suddenly see a lot of older costa rican men walking around, obviously not interested in the girls, I found this to be odd, I asked one of the chicas what was up. “policia” no shit. Within 5 minutes a full blown raid was in progress at the beetle bar. I believe 25 or so federal police in body armor armed with some form of sub-machine guns, probably 9mm sks’s. So at this point I decide I’m going to leave and bail on everyone, as soon as I go out the front door, more cops. As I try to nonchalantly walk past them and into the street, one of the cops jumps in front of me and blocks my way. All I can think about is how this is going to work. As intoxicated as I was, in hindsight I handled the situation great. The head cop comes over and starts viciously interrogating me in Spanish. I understand him completely “Where are you staying?” “Why are you here” “Do you have anything illegal on you?” Even though I could have fully responded to him as my Spanish is getting pretty good after so many trips and using Rosetta stone. I replied in English “sorry sir, no Spanish , no Spanish” so I get a look of disgust and then the cop opens the door to the beetle bar and shoves me back inside. Once back inside I have a beer and tell my remaining friends of my ordeal, I snapped some pictures covertly of one of the cops during the raid.
Out of six guys , only one left with a chica that night , and it wasn’t me. Definitely a first for me, specially seeing some of the dogs from my past reports I’ve bedded. You know it was horrible that night. So I walk back with my friend and his girl, as we pass the lobby, the clerk asks my friend for his room number, the clerk doesn’t even care about the girls ID. Then the clerk tells my friend there is a $20USD guest fee, I flip out and tell him to fuck off and when I bring one back tomorrow I’m not paying shit. My friend caves in and gives his room number as I walk away and curse this hotel, my 1st night and I hate the Copacabana. So as I sit outside my room and burn one, the security guy comes up and I share some smoke with him, I tell him I am sneaking a girl in tomorrow and too look the other way. No issues with him as he walks away baked off his ass. The next morning I go to have breakfast at the Copacabana restaurant, what a joke; they bring me a plate of fruit about the size of a café cup coaster. I tell the staff thanks, but where is the real breakfast, well that was what was included, and at this point my opinion of this hotel is sealed. So I gather up the boys and bring them to “sunrise breakfast place” it’s on the main drag in jaco roughly across the street from the monkey bar. Great eggs, bacon, pan cakes, it’s the most American you can get for breakfast, and I’ve gone there for the past few years. The owner is an older American and overall a nice guy.
After breakfast, 3 guys go on an ATV tour; the rest of us hit the beach, and walk down to the rocks at the end of the beach then back up. As I am swimming my stomach starts making some really weird noises and I really seem to be losing energy rapidly. Intelligently I get out of the water, as I walk back to the hotel I really feel odd, so I go lay down. About an hour later I get a knock, “were going to quiznos want to go?” At this point I feel really bad, so I tell my friends to bring something back for me. They get back and I eat my sandwich, twenty minutes later I’m vomiting and had atomic shits. It dawns on me; I’m experiencing my 1st food poisoning ever in all my trips to Costa Rica. I’ve been extremely sick, but I think this was one of the worst 12hours of my life. I could not hold any liquid and too make matters worse, my a/c took a shit and I was too weak to get up and complain about it. My friends brought me some drinks throughout the afternoon and night. I recall lying on my side and the sweat would pool so bad, it would fill up my ear and I would lose hearing and have to roll over. This process went on all night, I was severely dehydrated and no a/c. The next morning I was woken up at 6am to go fishing, we had booked a charter boat out of los suenos for the whole day. Somehow I got up and made it out the door , I felt horrible , but for as much as the boat was , I needed to get my ass on it , because I knew eventfully I would feel better. The culprit of my food poisoning was traced to the hamburger from a truck stop hot plate in ortina , eaten 24hours earlier. I deserved what I got.
We fished on the barbarosa , it was a 38’topez with a nice cabin, great captain and crew, they were really on there stuff ! We caught a ton of dolphin, but the highlight was the black marlin we landed.
Check out the short video I posted of the marlin jumping
http://www.jumpcut.com/view?id=81BCC47C8BDF11DC97E1000423CEF5F6
That night I somehow fully recovered, out of 6 guys , 3 were out cold from the fishing trip , so me and 2 other friends ventured into the village, to meet my friends chica he had been boning the previous 2 nights. My friends’ chica and her roommate went out with us. It was so late we ended up at poncho villas, around 3am we decided it was getting time to leave, my other friend snagged the roommate (the 2nd girl out with us). I was empty handed and wasted, and also partied too hard that night, I was really tweaked and wanted to call it a night. Before we left, this “white” girl I was staring at all night comes over and says “lets go” without further comment all of us hop in a cab and head to the Copacabana. We get the Copacabana, as I am walking by the front desk, the little punk demands my room number, I give him that look of “my head is so f**ked off, best you stay away” and walk past him without further problems. In the room I learn this chica, who is white, lived in Canada for many years, spoke perfect English, and was at poncho villas selling coke for her boyfriend. Damn I pick them, so she insists of getting all messed up together in bed before fucking. What a mistake that was, the sex was horrible and not long lived, she didn’t like sucking dick, to make matters worse my a/c was still broken. After an hour I booted her and gave her $60.00, she got pissed saying she gets $100, well I told her I usually get a BJ also. This girl was nuts , she sees my digital camera and offers to buy it for $200 , then likes my beach towel and wants to buy that , at this point, I’m just done with her. I walk her outside and send her on her way. She says she likes me and wants to go to the beach tomorrow and hang out. Yea sure, get spotted with the Pablo Escobar of jaco beachs girlfriend! That will be good for my health. I wonder if he knows she turns tricks while she is moving his product. As she freshened up in the bathroom before leaving, I verified all of my valuables were intact; she was honest so I thought. The next day upon leaving I couldn’t find my camo hat, this isn’t any camo hat, but authentic real tree brand with my company logo, I laughed it off since I normally give one away per trip to a select chica.
Left the next day for san jose with 2 friends, the other 3 stayed behind. We took the 3:30 bus back, smooth ride. Got back to the presidente and settled in. Walked over to the Korean pharmacy across from the presidente and picked up a levitra and got a B-12 shot. Since I stopped partying for almost 24hours, I assumed any performance problems where behind me, but just incase I was hedging my bets that night. This was the first time I had ever taken a pill of this nature. I am in my 20’s and unless im hyped up on something I’ve never had problems performing. All I can say is that night I was superman! It was scary how good I fucked that night. Those pills are crazy. I have not taken one since, but I know someday when I’m older, I will have salvation. Ok so enough with pills and me, back to the chicas. That night me and my friends sat at the lobby bar closest to the elevators. Within sitting down me and another friend had some nice ticas sitting next to us. My other friend had a nice Dominican sit with him. A bunch of rounds ensued and everyone was quite toasty. My tica was in her 30’s definitely worn a little bit. But the fact she was getting wasted with us and practically jerking me off at the bar. She had won that night. She was also crazy, not pretend, but really nuts, she thought she was a witch and even made the sounds and told me she likes to fuck herself with her broom handle. So after an hour or 2 of drinking, all 6 of us leave and jump in a van since it was raining horribly. I want to add that my friend’s chica was the hottest of all of us throughout the trip. She was the Spanish Barbie doll. Upon getting into the room I had some headboard pounding kinky f**king. This chica was nuts, while ridding she was screaming like a witch and then started smacking me. I’ve never been into s&m but this was really doing it for me. So later on I can’t hold it back and bust the 1st nut. After I get a great massage , and she thinks she is leaving, I tell her we agreed on dos leches at the bar , reluctantly she comes back and starts jerking me off, I see it another way and turn her over and jump on doggy style. Her friend (Spanish Barbie) calls my room from my friends asking her why she is not done. I find this annoying so I start pounding her so hard she drops the phone, I really had a blast with this chica. She was truly nuts, after taking the condom off me she starts examining it. “Mucho leche” then she says “look its your kids, bob , mary , marta” wow she was nuts but I loved it. Gave her $100, for 2.5 hours, she was great and worth it.
Photo: My Witch 02
Photo: Spanish Barbie 03
After me and my friend who had Spanish Barbie went to the blackjack table at the casino attached to the presidente and did pretty well. What an awesome night.
The next day the 2 friends who came back to San jose with me left for the airport. I wandered down to the market across from the mas por menos supermarket, off ave central just east of the presidente. I Bought a lot of crap for gifts. Called Wendy up from a few days back when I was in san jose and arranged for an afternoon delight.
Photo: Wendy 04
I Had a blast with Wendy, redeemed myself this time and did her right and sober. I really got attached to this girl, more of this in my next trip report due out soon from my October trip. Had dinner with her after and met up with my 3 other friends who got in from manuel Antonio. That night the 4 of us hit the casino and delrey and played some pool at the Key Largo. Ended up at cheeles restaurant eating at 3am I think, good drunk food.
I Woke up, met my dad who is retired down in costa rica at dennys across from the airport. Then left, may I add I experienced some of the worst turbulence ever leaving the central valley, is this specific of the location or a freak anomaly? Side note: Departure tax can be purchased at the hotel presidente lobby for no extra fee and saves your time at the airport.
Afterthoughts:
This was a great trip, but sadly costa rica is getting worse every trip. The delrey was actually doing a little better this trip. Zona blue, I no longer like and will not be returning. Jaco is overbuilt and completely ruined. Jaco is infested with crime and drugs. Jaco is truly a shit hole now. The only saving grace for going to costa rica is the 2.5 hour plane ride from Miami and the airfare usually under $200 round trip. If airfare rises for costa rica , I doubt my trips will continue, I booked all of our tickets for this trip on aa.com under a $98 net saver fare , it came to $158 round trip per person including all taxes and fees. I can’t fly to Atlanta for that!
Thanks for reading my trip report and hopefully I can get some of my friends to signup for my long awaited Thailand trip this summer, for which I’ve been putting off for over 2 years now.
-Smuckin