It had only been two weeks since I'd gone down to Nogie, but I was horny as a mo-fo and wanted to slip in a quick Nogie run before Thanksgiving. The plan was to hook up with Tommy (no, HER name is Tommy...) because she told me she wanted to fuck me real good. What a koinkeedeenk - I wanted her to fuck me real goo, too! Then I figured I might go back to Conga and see Maira. Maira isn't the best fuck in the world, but she's cheap and she's cute as hell.

And of course, Samantha (Lord Black) is always the wildcard in the equation. I guess she's still in town, but now the story is that she's sick. Jesse's theory is that it's from too much drugs. Plausible, I guess, but probably more BS.

Well, as usual, my plans went to shit in a heartbeat. Tommy wasn't there. I figured I might just get in a quickie at La Conga and then just see what happens.

Leslie was in the house, so of course I'm buying her a drink. I love my favoritas, but I've noticed that they prevent me from scoping out all the other talent in the joint. I hadn't seen Jesse yet, but Alex was there. Now, I thought about going for a hotel date with Lesie, but wasn't too keen on it based on a couple of aborted attempts in the past. But Alex asks if I want him to hook me up with her, so of course I say yes.

We loiter around a bit and then make plans to have Lesie meet us outside of Hotel Andres across the street from Cherry's. We wait for a bit and she shows up. But she's in the clutches of this one gringo I see her with a lot. Then Jesse shows up. So, is it her boyfriend? Nope. I guess this dude wants a piece of Leslie, too, but apparently the feeling isn't mutual. Eventually Leslie leaves him and heads out with me and Jesse. This dude is not too happy about it, but it appears he's more upset with Leslie than me. I was getting a little nervous about this guy. I'm not too keen on "stealing" some dude's chica right from under his nose. I wasn't going to push the matter too far, but Leslie made it clear that she wanted to go with me and not him.

===== LESLIE =====

I buy Leslie some grub at the taco stand across from Placer's. Then we walk to Hotel Miami and get a twelve pack along the way. I joke with Jesse that he's going to have to stay the whole time and translate because I can barely understand a word Leslie says. Her Spanish is very, um, "coloquial" and laced with slang. And she often pretends not to understand anything I say, even if it's in perfect Spanish. Oh well...

We get to the hotel and we hang out with Jesse for a while. Then Jesse splits and we get down to business, sort of...

Our time together began pretty awkwardly, as I'm way too sober, so is she, and the language barrier is steep. That, and she's not really into the idea of a hotel date, she just needs the money. I knew that going in, but once I get started down a path, it's like the blind leading the blind (or substitute stupid, clueless, whatever...) Damn, I've been trying to get this hot, little tamale to my hotel for a year or so. Now I finally score a hotel date with her and there ain't exactly fireworks going off.

Leslie's clearly not into getting all amorous right away. I try to get things started, nicely, of course, but I ain't getting too far. She wants to take a shower first. Finally, about 30 minutes later, she jumps in the shower. I seize the opportunity to "break me off a piece of that funky stuff" while she's in the shower. Turns out I smoked a little too much of it, and it really crept up on me. Only about half a very small joint - I'm not used to finding half way decent mota in Nogales - that's why it crept up on me so much. Not too much, but more than I needed. But it did the trick. I got all goofy and amorous, and my Spanish starts flowin' like a mo-fo.

Leslie emerges from a lengthy shower and it's finally showtime. I'm doing my best to warm her up, but she's only warming up a little bit. That would change, but only gradually.

Leslie is either very ticklish or much of her body is just off limits en la cama. No DATY for me. Damn... I did get a nifty ball-licking, but she wouldn't suck my cock without a rubber. Damn again! So after about two minutes of covered BJ I just decide it's time to fuck. I don't know about y'all, but I can't feel a damn thing with a covered BJ.

Good news is that Leslie's plenty wet and can take all of the "big fellah" (er, more like medium sized fellah). That was okay, but I think she was suffering from the too grande effect, so she initiated some doggy style. That's okay - I love that shit. Standing-up doggy style, too. My favorite!

So I'm alternating between real slow and real fast and hard. That would have been awful nice, as she's still wet and has an awesome caboose. But she kept pushing me backwards in an attempt, I think, to keep me from going in all the way. It gets to where I have to anchor my foot against the base of the bed just to keep from falling over backwards! It's amusing in retrospect, but dammit, it got in the way of my flow.

I'm doing okay, but then I remembered that I just got these polyurethane condoms that are supposed to be the shit (super-sensetive). So I open the package and start unrolling the thing, and it feels like it's made outta tupperware or some shit. WTF?? It's not the least bit "stretchy", really very stiff and plasticy feeling. I wrestle the damn thing onto my member and go back at it with my gal. I'm not really feeling much of a difference. Then, after I slipped out a couple times and go to stick it back in, I realize the thing is shattered and dangling around the the base of my shaft. FUCK!

Leslie was visibly annoyed, gulp... but not enough to kick my ass to the curb. In retrospect, I should have greased up her tits (natural D-cup) and finished up there. But I just slipped on a good ol' latex condom and went back at it. We're quickly back to playing Sumo wrestler - me trying to get my cock in, her trying to keep it out. But I finally managed to cross the finish line in my favorite fashion - bumping up against her sweet caboose.

To my surprise, things gradually warmed back up and she wasn't mad any more, or at least wasn't letting on. We ended up having a relatively decent conversation. With Leslie? Amazing... My Spanish was flowing better than it ever had before. It's a Zen thing - you remove your conscious brain from the equation, and your "unconscious" takes over, which is much more effective than the consious brain. It's like when an athlete is in "the zone". Your mind knows exactly how to speak Spanish or throw down three pointers all day - if you just get your god-damned consious brain out of the way, the barrier between you and your potential is removed. That's why my golf game improves immensly when I toke first. 165 yards with my 8 iron - right on the green, baby!! Das what ahm talkin 'bout...

That was a remarkable experience - having a stuttering but functional conversation with the most difficult Spanish speaker I've ever met. A good amount of that was due to a change in attitude on her part, too. She was no longer pretending not to understand me, and made the effort to use words she figured I'd understand. That's when you know you have a good one - when she makes the effort to communicate with you.

So my time with Leslie wasn't a GFE or a PSE by a long shot, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I imagine some monger could have a GFE with her, but not me, not that night. That's why I wanted to hotel date her so bad - she's so hot and steamy inside the club - not necessarily so in the bedroom. I guess she makes a distinction between lapdancing and fucking.

We eventually leave - me for Rio to hook back up with Jesse - Leslie walks with me to Rio and I send her home in a cab. I of course ask if she wants to hang out at Rio, but she declines. Leslie walked away with some of my money, plus my shirt (she was cold) and my baseball cap (her hair was a mess) and my Public Enemy CD. All replaceable. Cool rap session with one of my all time favorite sweethearts - priceless...

===== INTERMISSION =====

So I hang for a while at Rio. Jesse's not there, but he's not expecting me for another hour or so. I ask about "my" Samantha, but she's not there. I guess she worked there for a little while, but hasn't worked there for a couple weeks. The mystery continues...

Then the "other" (but no less sweet) Samantha plopped down on my lap. I buy her a drink and we shoot the shit for a while. Damn, this girl is a real sweetheart. At this point, I'm feeling a little run-down, and it was hot as FUCK in there, so I just gotta split and get some fresh air.

I walked the quick 1.5 blocks back to Hotel Miami and, um, "freshen up" a bit (cough). Feeling like a new man, I head towards Placer's. Then I run into my best pimp, Jesse. I can't go to Placer's with Jesse because he's on an indefinite suspension from there and Lord Black. Jesse tells me he's now pimpin', er I mean working, out of Obsessions now. So it's off to Obsessions.

Jesse gets us (me, Jesse and his brother, Gilberto, and now Bluelight) into Obsessions for free. Obsessions is under new management (thank God) and is MUCH better than it used to be. NOW this is a club worth spending some time at. The "hands off" policy with the chicas is history (woo hoo!!) and there's plenty of hotties in the house. Plus the best stage show in town and... a shower show!! Woo hoo!!

I didn't catch most of the shower show as I was working on my next girlfriend. But what I saw of it was pretty cool. This is bizarre, hovever. The shower has two holes which you can reach your arms through for copping a feel (tip $2, I think). Now I am a shameless exhibitionist, but even I have some standards. But Jesse doesn't, so I flip him a couple bones to go cop a feel. Funny...

I ended up buying a couple buckets of beer for us all, because I'm such a sucker, er I mean nice guy. Then at one point, they do a free tequila shot deal. My sweetie, Zulí, sticks my hand in the air indicating that she thinks I want a shot of tequila. I really did NOT need a shot of tequila at this point, but I'm pussy-whipped so it's a fait acomplis.

What a wierd coincidence. Just the night before, I watched "The World's Ten Best Mexican Beach Resorts" (did you catch the stupidity of that title?...) on TV. They showed some club in Acapulco (where Leslie is from, another coincidence?) -- where they pour a shot of tequila in your mouth, put a towel over your face, and shake your head around like a mo-fo. Sheeit... Like my homey Snoop might say, "Tequila and chronic, yeah, I'm fucked up now..." So, you can't swallow the shit while the dude's shaking your head around like Iverson ball-fakin' -- so you swallow the tequila that's buring your mouth and nasal cavity. Hey, that was kinda fun.

Well, Jesse's got me hooked up with my new sweetheart, Zulí. She's not the hottest chica in the joint, but she might be the sweetest one, and she speaks excellent English. Actually, I was hot to get a hotel date with her a long time ago when she worked at Rio, but she wouldn't go back then. That's where Jesse comes in very handy. She'll say "no" to you, but "yes" if you're with Jesse. I guess just because he is an upstanding and reputable pimp.

I'm not feeling like hanging around while she works the rest of her shift, so we split for Ferni's.

Wow, Ferni's is looking up as well. You're not going to find a lot of stunners here like Placer's, but there were quite a few honies available. The place was almost at capacity around 2:30 AM, and was showing few signs of slowing down when we left at 3:45 AM. Only a handful of gringos in the place. This place definitely has potential if you're looking for something different.

Funny, I actually end up having a decent conversation with the dude that was with Leslie earlier in the evening. To my surprise, he wasn't pissed at all. I told him not to worry, Leslie ain't about to fall in love with my skinny, gringo ass. Jesse's trying to puff up and warn him not to fuck with his best client, but I just wave him off, telling him it's all good. We part on very amicalbe terms. Ran into Papa_C on the way to Ferni's. We had some good laughs in Ferni's and a good time was had by all.

I was about broke, save my top-secret hotel date stash. But I had enough to buy a drink for Baby's cousin, (shit-I-forgot-her-name). She was a little plump, but I'm happy and horny, and she's pretty sweet. She has a pierced tongue which I got to inspect with my own, un-pierced tongue. Not my thing, but it gave me a viable excuse for some free tonsil inspections.

So me and Jesse and Gilberto head back to Obsessions to finish our bucket of beers (which they amazingly saved for us). We was big pimpin - gettin our dink on after hours 'cause we VIP's, beyotch!!

Finally, we wait around outside for Zulí to show. 'Round about 4:30, in typical chica fashion, she arrives fashionably late. Jesse escorts us to Hotel Miami for round two and cuts us loose.

===== ZULI =====

Zulí turned "all business" once inside the hotel, and I'm thinking, "Fuck, not AGAIN!!!". She makes me take a shower, then she takes one. I peek in on her, of course, but don't join her. Still too businesslike at this point. That was about to change - quickly.

Once clean and nekkid, we get our groove on. I told her back in the club how I LOVE to go down on girls, and that she better expect a lot of it <gr>. So it's a little smoochie here, a little cuddle there, and it's time for some serious muff diving. SHOWTIME.

Zulí is shaved all the way smooth (like I like it) so my lengua is boppin around the joint like it's on crack. Whao, was she likin' it, too. I've found that most chicas (that I try it with, anyway) can take DATY or they can leave it. But this chica was taking it and liking it. Ding! Ding! Ding!

Finaly, Zulí's had about enough of that shit and she's like, "get your rock-hard cock inside me already, goddammitt!" (well, not in so many words, but that was the jist of it). Sho' nuff.

Yeah, this is what I'm talking about. Bumpin' and grindin' and boppin' and weavin' and slippin' and slidin' - all that. ("Gang bang, front 'n back, side to side an all that shit..." - Dr. Dre) Whao, this girl was good and horned up. No fakin' that shit, either. She was WET for over an hour. Finally, a girl that knows how to FUCK! Yeah...

It's close to 5 AM, I've got more than a twelver in me, plus a couple or few tequila shots and some chronic, so I ain't no minute man tonight. (Seriously, I'm not usually such a lush... I was just having too much fun). But it's all good - she's still wet. Goddammit I love gettin' my doggy style on, and there was plenty of that goin' on. I think on about the third iteration of el perrito action, it was time for the money shot. And it was goooooood. Finally, sheesh... score one in the W collumn for MrBill. (MrBill 3, Chicas 72)...

Well, after the nut done bust, it's back to business for my new sweetie, Zulí. She got cleaned up (shower) and dressed. But she gives me her number and makes sure I know which days she has off. Bueno! She's off to somewhere, I don't know where. But that's fine with me because I am quite done for the night. I polish off the last beer, run the doggy style action over in my mind a few times, and catch some shut eye. Slept till 1 AM then got my ass back on the AZ side.

Yeah, that's big pimpin' Nogie style, baby.

MrBillO^™- ~ Your hapless lapdance reporter... ~

Thanks for the report, but I hate to even GUESS how much this night cost you when evrything's added up. Ever thought of flying to TJ every weekend? Couldn't put too much of a dent into your big budget!

Ha, ha. Interesting report. Thanks. I'm headed back to Mexico in a few weeks and will be passing through Nogales again. I might try to hit a few of the clubs you mentioned for a quickie before heading back to Tucson. Unfortunately it will be on a Sunday and you fellas might likely will not be able to join me.

Mr. Bill, do you have any idea what the border crossing is like on a Sunday night at around 9 PM? I crossed last time at 7 PM and it took almost an hour with all the lanes open. Thanks in advance.

P.S. I noticed a casino on the way back to the airport hotel driving on highway 19. Is it any good or a typical Indian reservation casino?

Porker - a fool and his money are soon parted, so you can only imagine how fast mine goes... I would go to TJ more often, but it's such a huge pain in the ass to get there. I spend too much money there, too. I'm actually cumming to TJ on 12/13. I'm not a high roller, I'm just a lower middle class Joe spending his way into the poor house - and enjoying every minute of it.

Godfather - you should check out some of our fine gentlemen's establishments. Sunday is always out for me, unfortunately, but you might put out an APB on the board anyway. Re: border crossing - not sure - I always walk across from the AZ side. I would only guess it would be about the same or maybe a little shorter at 9PM. Re: the Casino - have no idea - I'm not a gambler. It is on an Indian reservation, so I imagine it's typical (?).

Your best bet for some bargain fun is to get to Cherry's by 7 PM. The club will close between 8-9 PM, and many girls will go to a hotel with you after their shift. $100/hr is the going rate. No need to be shy about it - just deal directly with the girls. If you strike out (since you're a new face) - go get Jesse and your luck will improve greatly.

One last questions Mr. Bill, where are these clubs in relation to road heading towards the USA? I'll be driving in from Highway 15 in Mexico. I will also have a luxury car rental. Is it safe to park there? Do they have people that will watch the car for me? It doesn't make sense for me to cross the border then walk back over. Only way I'll hit the clubs is if it's easy for me to park safely and hit the clubs on the way back from Mexico. Thanks. I owe you one.

Godfather - all the clubs are very close to the border. There are four clubs just one block over to your right, about 50 yards from the border, on your way back into the US. Two more from the same point, to your left.

There's a map on this page:

MrBill's Nogales Page

Parking? I've only done it once. You should be able to find a spot, being Sunday night. How safe is it? Crap shoot. Your best bet might be to park right outside of Placer's or Lord Black and give the door guys $10 to watch it for you.

I think there is a covered parking garage near the Rio's bar, but not sure about it's hours. Anyone? Anyone?

If I were you, I'd park in a fenced, guarded lot on the US side and walk back across. It sounds crazy, but it's not. There will be almost NO ped. line coming back or leaving (never is more than 3 min) - and the walk itself is < 5 minutes. That's what I would do.

Finally, I'd recommend Rio or Cherry's before 9 PM, Placer's or Lord Black after 9 PM. None of the clubs have any girls before 9PM except Rio and Cherry's, so consider that.

Good luck and have fun!!

Godfather - You can park in front of the club such as Placers and Lord Black without much problems. I never had trouble with parking my car down there yet. Most of the clubs are within 200yds of the crossing. If you´re worry about your car, just park in the US side and walk back over to Mexico. It will only add 10 minute. There are lots of parking on the main street when you cross over in to US. No need to paid for a dark fenced-in parking lot. There are lots of police cruising around so no problems with anyone missing with vehicles in the AZ side.

There are two crossing in Nogo like in TJ. One for cars and one for trucks/cars. I´m talking about the down town crossing and not the truck crossing.

Don´t think you´re going like it much. It cost even more than TJ and you get a lot less time. But right now there are better looking ladies than TJ. But it is fun to explore. I wish I could sneak off and meet you in Nogo. I would like to meet you. May be next time - next place.

I am on last day of my Sao Paulo/Rio trip. Got a flight late tonight back to Tucson. It is too hot here in Rio. Won´t be back in the summer again! Have fun exploring Nogo.

MrBill

While i have been out to the Philippines, Thailand and India, in fact currently in Bombay - I do miss your reports. I went down on to Nogi Friday and hooked up with Leslie, before i left for work - she just wants to talk and drink - I like her so WTF -- but it does put a crimp in any other action -

I remember that I still owe you that lap dance -

Big pimpin', Nogi style!

Does it get any better than this?

I especially liked where ya got all Zen on us.

I know what ya mean about substances enhancing your Spanish ability.