But I waited too long to book reasonable passage on Philippine Air, and the price tripled, so I settled for two Air Asia flights connecting in Kuala Lumpur. This seems interesting and exotic the first time you try it, much less so the second.
Air Asia dinged me for a checked bag and overweight charges to boot, unlike other airlines I flew, so they must have the lowest weight threshold. Total extra charges MNL to KUL were about $27 US, and KUL to BKK another $13 or so. Since Air Asia doesn't check thru to connecting flights, I waited close to an hour at KUL to retrieve my one checked bag, then a few more to check in for the BKK flight. Nourishment options at KUL are limited to an Asian fast food joint with no English description of depicted foodlike substances, and McDonald's.
While the old standby hotels in Nana offer obvious benefits, the pretense of respectability garnered from staying out of the zone served me better for booking medical appointments and entertaining a civilian. At the excellent advice of av8tr, I booked President Park Executive Serviced Apartments on Soi 24, and I am eternally in his debt (eternity expiration: April 2010 - face it, today nothing lasts forever). The hotel complex has several buildings, excellent facilities including a great pool and American-class gym, attentive staff, tolerable breakfast, plus nobody asked my girls for ID (I was in the wing across the street from the front desk - YMMV). Taxi drivers either already know it or can find it easily.
As for the room, it's a suite, actually, with kitchen and full-sized refrigerator, big bathroom and shower, wall of windows, generally adequate (not so much in the wee hours for some reason) wired Internet, master control for all electronics at bedside, reasonably quiet. A lot like Dynasty Grande but bigger and not quite as new. The "serviced apartments" catch is they change the sheets every 3rd day unless you ask.
Since this is a tourist hotel area, there are several American coffee shops around plus one of the frozen yogurt shops from which Merlin supplies LA's Thai waitresses. There's a big TOPS Market around the corner, with high quality merchandise at, appropriately, top prices (e.g. Ritter Sport chocolate bar, $2 at Trader Joe's and $3 at KUL, is $5 at TOPS). I consistently got better exchange rates than anywhere else in Bangkok at a Siam Commercial Bank ATM & bureau de change across the street from TOPS.
The President Park is a right fair bit from Sukhumvit, and you probably won't want to walk it more than once or twice. The hotel provides a free tuktuk shuttle to Emporium on the half hour, a good starting point for adventures by SkyTrain, since the mall has an exit leading into Asoke Station.
Emporium is not a bad place to perambulate. It features the typical Park Ave / Rodeo Drive chains you can find anywhere in the world, even locally at Siam Paragon, with some local high-end stores plus a good food court upstairs and some wacky promos down, like this, brought to you by DTAC:
Meter taxi from the hotel to Sukhumvit is under B40. If personal safety and dignity are not a concern, you can save another 50 cents by hopping on the back of a motobike taxi.
Soi Cowboy is about midway between the President Park and Nana. Taxi from the President Park to either entertainment center never metered more than about 50 baht.
While we're on the subject of taxis, let's give these guys a break. Tell 'em that the meter must be on and almost all drivers are civil, and most of 'em want to be friendly, waiting for a cue from the passenger. A dour-faced older guy changed into Mr. Smiles and burst into a torrent of Pidgin English when I asked how his day had been. Another, noting police activity, gestured and remarked, "Mafia." (He meant the cops, not the evildoers.) Another had insufficient change when all I could offer was a thousand baht note, and good-naturedly waived me out, saying he'd catch up with me next time.
Taxi drivers have good reason to be grumpy: the cost of everything except taxis has risen this year, including a 20% jump in fuel and a staggering tripling of the price of rice. The recent 9 baht minimum wage increase brings it up to 203, or about six bucks a day. So a few baht tip really wouldn't wreck your budget, would it? Might make his day.
For those who prefer a bucolic stroll, just down the block from Emporium on Sukhumvit is Benchasiri Park, rife with runners and idle minds.
At least Air Asia's Kuala Lumpur to Bangkok flight arrives at a reasonable hour (about 8 PM?), allowing one to get into town, freshen up and hit the street. And that's exactly what I did, hightailing it over to nearby Soi Cowboy. I stopped at Shark Bar and was immediately confronted with more stunners than I'd seen in a week in AC. And they were wearing those cute little diaphanous two-piece costumes, leaving little to the imagination.
Within two minutes a previous bf materialized seemingly out of nowhere. Methinks they have radar. She seemed in dim light more blonde and even a bit more buxom, though I assure you she had been in no need of enhancement. Sure enough, a detailed examination in room revealed features subtly new and improved, perhaps for the ever-increasing Japanese trade. Thus began an unbroken string of nights where one bar was enough.
Photo: Blonde 01
Another reason to stay on Soi 24 is that it's massageland. My plan was to visit MPs in the late morning after the civilian went to work and before my afternoon medical appointments. I browsed some massage parlor websites and set out with fantasies in hand (in the form of a list, you wankers).
The first upon which I bestowed my attentions was Angel 26, oddly a block over on Soi 24/1, down at the end past various other MPs. Its website http://angelsoi26.kt.fc2.com/english01.html trumpets "Foreigners Customer Onry" (OK, I qualify). Most of the ladies had not yet arrived, but among the few and willing stood Miss Kitty, whose website photo had already made an impression:
Miss Kitty provided an enthusiastic and skillful oil massage, highlighted by remarkable oral technique. She also featured prominent points well beyond natural endowment, which she employed admirably in the oil massage. This was shaping up to be the silicone valley tour.
Photo: Kitty Unplugged 02
That night I made the customary pilgrimage to check on Dave the Rave, and I'm happy to report that our recently silent compadre is still in fine form. After enjoying a few Angel Witch shows and chatting with a fellow traveler, I decided to take the bull by the horns and venture into the daunting Rainbow IV. This place isn't so much intimidating as annoying: the doormen are pushy, the waitresses can be indifferent, and, much more importantly, it's difficult to see all the girls.
A slender waif, fresh off the bus from Isaan with little English, flitted into my line of vision. The waitress helped with negotiations, and was rewarded appropriately. Waif wasn't the best ever, nor by far the worst, and she shore wuz purty.
Photo: Waif 03
As zuperfly has mentioned, Isaan is the backbone of Thailand, and its people are the engine of Bangkok. While Isaan's women staff the city's bars and shops, its men perform its grimiest labor. Sometimes they bring along a little of their culture:
Massage joints are on almost every corner in this section of Sukhumvit, centering around Soi 24 on one side and Soi 33 on the other. Be warned that not all offer the services you expect:
Never fear, most make it clear what's on the menu:
Some, like bkk teen and Angel, are successful enough to warrant multiple locations. Others have but a handful of ladies working. Most are hard to miss:
Others are downright difficult to find. It took me a couple of days to pinpoint Kornwan Massage on Soi 22, actually at the very end of the first side street on the right when walking up Soi 22 from Sukhumvit. Though the website says they open at 10 AM, only a few ladies were present in the morning. Bee-b's website pics made her my goal:
Bee-b seemed surprised and delighted to get an early start on the day, yet her massage technique was perhaps the most desultory I've ever experienced in Thailand (but among the best I've ever had in the Philippines). She was probably just killing time before she popped the "special" offer, and then Bee-b really kicked into gear. Her website pics were probably taken a year before the birth of her baby. This is what she looks like now:
Photo: Bee-B 04
My appointments at Bumrungrad yielded satisfactory results at, by American standards, bargain rates. Still, I think I'll try Bangkok Pattaya Hospital next time, because it's new and shiny.
Murasaki's Dental Hospital recommendation proved top-notch. I saw one white-frocked technician there who could hold her own with any Bangkok showgirl. Another forever-in-your-debt card (exp: 2010).
I heartily recommend Top Charoen Optical, roughly across Sukhumvit from Emporium (odd side), for quality of experience. The ladies (optician and manager) are gracious and professional, the service prompt. An exam for prescription plus new lenses in old frames totaled 1500 baht, and I felt pampered. Admittedly, given our habitual mindset, the offer posted on their storefront window does frame a potential misunderstanding:
There's a good supermarket between Top Charoen and Soi 33. This is a nice little stretch of Sukhumvit sidewalk, boasting several interesting restaurants, including two English pubs.
A fellow traveler and I endeavored to assess the Soi Cowboy bars and decide which was most talent-laden. With only a little diligence, we agreed that Shark Bar was by far the most happening. Extricating ourselves - after all, I'd already barfined from Shark, and wanted to sample something new - we caught a taxi to Nana.
We settled in downstairs at Mandarin, and soon the intriguing view thru the Plexiglas floor above persuaded us that the real action was upstairs. While the go-go dancers doing the Bangkok shuffle downstairs were perfectly serviceable, the upstairs girls had it goin' on: attired in schoolgirl/waitress chic, they ceremoniously removed their panties, tied 'em around their wrists, and summarily pranced with abandon. Blouses flew open, tongues found each other, poles were lap-danced, much fun was in evidence.
Upstairs in the VIP room, my clever buddy bought drinks for a dirty dancer from each shift so as to be always properly attended. One returned from her shift to find him with the other, considered, and announced, "You take her. I go with your friend." It was OK with him, so off we went.
Just as in the bar, she was by no means shy in the room, but our exertions seemed to drain her completely - she finished and passed out cold on the spot. Wot th'?! Considering this bolt-on baby's behavior in the bar, I was expecting a nonstop romp until dawn's early light. Mai pen rai. I finally woke her and told her I had to make phone calls. She cheerfully wandered into the night.
Photo: Mandarin 05
I couldn't begin to remember all the massage places I popped into, but my opinion probably wouldn't be reliable by now anyway. The talent changes, just like in the bars. I swear I can't remember the name of my last MP, where the lineup left much to be desired until this little cutie fortuitously reported for duty in shorts and a t-shirt (all the other ladies were already dolled up in their gowns). She proved as sunny and enthusiastic as the pictures suggest.
Photos: MP 06 07 08
One thing I wasn't expecting to find was good gelato in Thailand, but find it I did, near Top Charoen and the market on Sukhumvit opposite Emporium (odd side). Shucks, I can't find good gelato in America.
One day when Grand 'Italia was out of chocolate, I discovered that SkyTrain gelato is pretty good, too. Who woulda thought?
On my last night, I decided the smaller Rainbow Bar on the right (not the one by Angel Witch) deserved a visit. It has a reputation as a Japanese bar, but I'd had a remarkably good pull there last time, a girl who gave the best BJ in recent history and plenty more, so why not look in again?
The only available seats were at the bar, eye-level with the dancers' knees, so I asked my waitress to keep an eye out for a better vantage point. She warded off incoming to protect a newly vacated booth, and I thanked her appropriately. When she summoned a comely lass at my request, the waitress apparently talked me up, 'cause the dancer soon decided I was jaidee and suggested we go now. Once again, one bar was enough.
In the taxi this peach mentioned that she'd just returned from a month back home (in Isaan, naturally) and was surprised by a change in her bar: she estimated that a month before the clientele was about 50/50 Japanese/Americans, and it now seemed more like 90/10. She wasn't complaining, only making note, and it didn't matter much to me since she was radiant from start to finish.
Photos: Peach 09 10
Over the course of my stay, I enjoyed strolling along Sukhumvit, particularly on the odd side, and even Sois 22 and 24. I supped at a few good restaurants, bought some gifts, discovered Top Charoen Optical, savored excellent gelato, and got a decent haircut. I chatted with shop owners who often shared stories about their lives and families. When I tired of walking, I stopped at the nearest foot massage. When my body ached, I dropped ten bucks for a traditional Thai massage.
Before catching the late flight back to Kuala Lumpur, I jumped on the SkyTrain for Siam Paragon with intent to go to IMAX. But I changed my mind, opting for a beer and a blowjob at Lólita's instead. I love Bangkok.
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