I'm sitting on my balcony in Pattaya, Thailand. A helluvalot has happened since you last read. First let me lay down some background info. The first and last time I was in Thailand (Jan 2002) I met a dancer at a go-go named Pueng. We had a great time together last trip and I kept in contact with her by email. I had told her I would call her on the 2nd or 3rd of December in our emails. I did call her. She came down to my hotel and we spent a great night together. The next day I had a fishing expedition planned. I decided to take her with me, since she seemed interested in going. Well we had a ball. She turned out to be the kind of girl whos face lit up with a smile to hook, reel-in and land a fish. (Girls with fun attitudes about outdoor stuff and sports are hard to come by to my experience.) Anyway, I was really having a great time and a great GFE. We got back to my hotel late in the evening and she ran home to change and shower for an hour then came back to the hotel.

That night I was so tired, I just wanted to sleep. The next morning, I had scheduled to take a bus to Pattaya. I was worn-out from the fishing. I hoped to ask Majestic to allow me to stay one more night, but they were full. I thought about it and decided to see if Pueng wanted to go with me. (Oh by the way, for those wondering the stats-I had paid her 1300 Baht after the first night, which she used during the day to buy our lunch, snacks, refreshments and I was impressed by her thoughtfulness.) She did want to go. So, we headed back to near her apartment (Soi 15). She took me to a great place for lunch that serves food from Mae Hong Son and Chiang Mae and we had a wonderful lunch for a great price (which she paid for). Next, we headed to the hair-salon and I got a haircut that was badly needed, but that I didn't have time to get before leaving California for Thailand. She got her nails painted, then paid for both of us and left to hotel to pack. When I finished with haircut I met her we grabbed a taxi to Ekami. Well, next thing you know and we are in Pattaya.

We finally got to hotel (The Residence Garden) and we were pleasantly surprised with the accommodations being just great! We went and got a great seafood dinner and then walked around the shops. I got two shirts as available clothes was running low. I packed in such a way as to need to buy a few shirts and things along the way, I mean, "Why not?", right?

Oh, I forgot something else... Let me backup a day or so. When we were fishing I landed a 52Kg. Mekong Catfish (an unofficial world record, Pueng was the one that actually set the hook, but handed the rod over when she relized there was no way she was going to land it. ;) Well, it was a fantastic fish and I had to jump into the dirty lake water to hold the fish for the pictures my guide and I wanted/needed. When we got to the hotel, I noticed a rash on my chest, neck and back like little bumps (from the water). Pueng immediately went to the pharmacist (again have not given her a dime since first 1300) and got me some pills to take. I didn't question what they are, but probably anti-biotic as needed to be taken with/after meal. Next morning, the rash starting to heal, but not all the way. In Pattaya, we also bought some cream from the pharmacy. Now they are almost gone. Pueng was very sweet, nice and attentive and seemed to generally care about me.

Guys, I am only 33 (just had b-day) and I have been in love before. But it has been about 6 years since I have had any kind of relationship with a woman. Right out of high-school, I always had/needed a girlfriend. I had 2 maybe 3 very pationate relationships were I felt I was truly in love and could spend my life with the girl. The last was very serious and when it ended, I guess that was enough for me. I kinda shut-down, as my friend Mike describes it. Maybe a bit of the reason was depression, but most of the reason was that I never had time to truly come to know myself. I was the kind of guy that became the other half of the girl I was dating. Well, I haven't met a girl or gone on a date since this last relationship.

Instead, I spent my free-time smoking pot (which I quit recently), working and doing things alone, like camping, fishing and stuff like that. I even had a deal-ending fight with my best camping buddy. My only lifetime best friend is married with family and we and his wife and kids do a lot of stuff together. Well, I think I kinda needed that time to recreate myself, or maybe to find myself for the first time. Now, I can say I truly know myself and I am so much different than I thought I was when I was young. Maybe now someday I can have a family and a happy life and not worry about losing it. And, I tell myself that by doing the things I love to do, I might meet a girl that loves those things and me also.

I am telling you all these things so you can understand why I might feel the way I do. But, to have a woman seem to generally care about me, look out for me, and to look into my eyes and smile deeply without words; well it brings back a lot of feelings maybe I need to be able to feel again. Now please don't think I am falling in love with Pueng. I am not, and she is not with me either and of course I know this. But I guess this makes me feel some things that I have not allowed myself to feel for so long that I wasn't even sure I could ever feel that way again.

So now I sit on my balcony, a few tears in my eyes, looking at the sunrise and typing. I don't know what's next. I really don't care. I have been through it all. I feel like I'll probably be single through my young-adult life. Maybe after I establish my lifelong-wealth, then I will move away from the USA and settle down and find a wife. I'm not really sure what the future holds, but I know as I go forward who I am, what I like and what I don't like. And, I will have seen parts of the world that open my mind and maybe even my heart.

I know that I will not spend my entire trip with Peung. Maybe she will stay with me until I leave Pattaya. Maybe she will leave tomorrow. I am supposed to leave Pattaya for Koh Kong, Cambodia in 3 days. The fate of that adventure rests in the balance of my energy and my desires. I'll think about it more after I see what today brings.

(For Xenono: Girls bagged after 5 days-1 {but many different ways ;)})

So ...

You are going to give up all the adventures that you had planned for the company of a girl? (sigh) A great part of adventure traveling is the ability to go where the wind blows ... perhaps your girl has a passport? Sihanoukville REALLY is a wonderful place and while there are plenty of girls availible it's not anywhere near the calibre of Bangkok, Phuket or Pattaya. Bringing your own would leave you more time to enjoy the destination.

Enjoy / McDIJJ

We are now on our way to Arrupaya--that is where the wind is blowing me now. - Rasta

I'd love to hear about Arrupaya!

McDIJJ

I'd also love to hear about Authayya!

McDijj

Wow Rastaman!
your posts are truly touching...so please write more. I'm 22 but can identify with lots of the feelings you're writing about. Most of my experiences are in Central America, but I can identify!

Do go where your heart leads you...you can only learn and experience raw life.

I have been to Ayutaya, then Mae Hong Son and now am in Phuket. I have a ton to write about, but have been busy every second. I have been with the same girl this whole trip (though I did partake of Eden in BKK). I have learned so much. I have tons of photos of the trip, but none of any chicks since I have not really partaken. I have some of the girl I am with. Her name is Pueng (BEE) and she worked at Rainbow II in JAN, then at Dollhouse on Soi Cowboy around May, maybe. I want to learn more about her, so if anyone recognizes the name, maybe you can let me know some details. It might help me further my education.

This trip has been an education in itself. As for the reason why I diverted from my plan so much... the best I can come up with is TIT (This is Thailand). I promise to fill in the blanks maybe tomorrow. It will be the first day to just lie around. Take care all. I want to tell you what's been up and have lots to share. Ciao! Rasta.

McDijj,

I know I fucked up the name. So sue me, just wait until I move to Thailand to do it, OK?

Hope you are well.

=========

DonKnotts,

That's just what I have been doing. Following my heart and my soul. Now I wonder why I have to go home. It has been great! I don't regret a second. Pueng and I have had a very special time together. But, I also don't have grand illusions of love, either. I just have been sopping up the good feelings since it has been so long to feel them. And I don't know when or if I'll feel them again. But, damn it's good to know it is still possible. Anyway, I have made some new distinctions and some new plans on this trip and will share them in depth soon. Bueno Suerte y hasta hablamos. - Rasta

Rasta,

I am enjoyed your posts and look forward to the conclusion.

Sounds like your are having a great time and that is all that matters.

Talk to you soon.

Khunk

Thanks Khunk.