Rolling out of bed at 10:30, I headed for La Biela outdoor cafe. It is located where Quintana dead-ends at the Recoleta cemetary (pun intended), at Ortiz. This is just a half block from Hotel Etoile. Between La Biela and Cafe De La Paix across the street, there are probably a hundred outdoor tables adjoining the park. On this slightly overcast Sunday morning, a singer accompanied by acoustic guitar entertains the crowd of tourists and natives. The scent of jacaranda trees is in the air. I have my laptop doing this report, enjoying medialunas dulce (small croissants with a sugar glaze), a cafe con leche and life.

Later, I called Ariela, a masajista from Platynum. On the website she is slathered in critical places with what she later told me is massage creme. A most delectable looking set of photos. Her description said she spoke English and on the phone she had excellent facility. When she showed up at the door, she explained that she did not speak any English and that I had spoken on the phone to another girl. No matter. I have enough Spanish. Her photo, as you can see, confirms she indeed the chica on the website, but clearly the website photos have been well "photoshopped". No matter. We had agreed on the phone for 100 pesos for an hour's massage with 50 pesos extra for complete service including a lengthy bbbj. I had booked her for an hour and a half, and I was looking forward to getting my various parts massaged, if you will.

Photos: Ariela 1 Ariela 2

Well, my luck -- or more accurately lack of it -- with web escorts continues. Her massage skills were minimal at best, though frankly I didn't consider that a problem since that's not why she was there. Her oral skills had to be better than what I experienced of them because what she gave me was not only mediocre, but given reluctantly and sporadically. She was much more interested in stopping every thirty seconds and giving me a hand job. After about 4 cycles of this I asked her not to use her hands at all. Apparently she took this as an opportunity to re-negotiate the price: Always a bad sign. I explained we had agreed and that I wasn't interested in re-negotiating. Next she reached for a condom. Since I'd mentioned in the call I wanted a long time uncovered bj, I expressed my displeasure with what she was planning. She simply smiled. Well, at this point, I figured it wasn't going to get any better and told her the session was over. I gave her 150 pesos which I figured was most generous and sent her packing. Unfortunately there was too little time to get a replacement chica before my scheduled Spanish lesson, and I was feeling frustrated and also glum about wasting 50mg of Vitamin V.

After my lesson I reached for the trusty Clarin newspaper. A few calls later and I had arranged for a doble to visit me in my apartment after my language lesson. I specified they should be young, slim and pretty. Well they weren't, so they were gone in sixty seconds with 10 pesos for taxi. Another call. Another hour wait. Another set. They were 7s -- but not recently. More honestly 6.5s, but I was ready for action.

Let's call them Micaela and Agostina. I asked if they did Lesbian and Agostina eagerly said yes but Micaela had a stricken look. I gathered from this that they had been assembled as a "team" rather hastily and probably didn't even know each other. This was pretty much confirmed as Micaela's expression said she wished she was anywhere else. She lay in the Catholic birth control position: on her back with her knees tightly together. After some more champagne, I managed to gently hook one of her leg and preclude her from relocking her knees, while Agostina began eating papaya. Before not before she did something I had never seen before: she put a condom on. Her tongue!

This didn't really seem to work all that well and after about 10 minutes I saw it discarded on the bedspread. Meanwhile, the action was getting pretty hot. As I lay next to Micaela sucking and massaging her breasts, I could tell her body heat was up. She had a slight sheen of perspiration and her breathing was getting quicker. Those hips were moving good now, though for the life of me I couldn't understand why because Agostina's carpet munching technique was more suited to mashing potatoes.

It wasn't much longer until Agostina complained her jaw hurt and they switched places, which is what I suspect Agostina wanted from the getgo. Within a minute she had grabbed the back of Micaela's head and was jamming it in her pussy as if she were trying to reverse a birth process. If Micaela was discomforted previously, now she looked like she was experiencing her worst nightmare. Agostina however, was not going to let her off the hook and kept grinding away until she came. As soon as she did, Micaela literally jumped up and headed for the bathroom. After about five minutes I sent Agostina in to retrieve her. Her expression seemed to have changed from panic to numbed.

The two of them spent the next 30 minutes or so changing off on the bbbj. You know, that's one of the things I like about 2 chicas at once: there's almost always such a difference in technique between them that makes the session particularly enjoyable. By this time there's a large damp spot on the bedcover -- I truly love a wet and slobbery session -- and I knew it was going to be over soon, so I grabbed Micaela and began hammering nails. It didn't take long, it wasn't particularly artful, but it got the deed done. Total cost 130 pesos.

Photos added above