After dragging ass for a considerable period of time, I finally have gotten my shit together and am sending in two trip reports to cover my first trip in August and my most recent trip which I just returned from on December 14th. My first trip report is more of a daily diary of sorts, so it's probably longer than most folks are willing to read, but there are some good photos included, so hopefully you will find it at least mildly enjoyable.

As a newbie to the world of "mongering" after being in long term relationships for the bulk of my 20's, I felt I had some catching up to do, and after reading everyone's countless posts and trip reports, I settled on Rio. Man, did I make the right decision, heh. I hope my trip reports encourage other newbies to post their adventures and photos as well. While I can't even attempt to be as informative as Hombrecito, Bwana Dik, Shaggy, Barnes and the like, I hope that my perspective offers something to the would-be Rio traveler. I feel I owe a serious debt to these boards for helping make both my trips amazing, life-altering experiences and hope that this trip report is at least a small step towards repaying that debt. Without further ado, on to the report...

Before setting off on my first trip, I tried to do as much research as possible. I joined assorted websites, combed forum boards, sent individual emails to those folks that seemed most informed, bought regular tourist type books and maps, and invested in the Pimsleur series to at least get the basics of the language down. Having a base of knowledge in Spanish really helped, as the conjugation is similar and when in doubt I would just toss in a Spanish word and see if I got my point across. More often than not, I did, with pointing, grunting, and the occasional game of charades to make up the difference.

My first trip was solo, so I was a bit paranoid to say the least. I'd traveled most of Europe by myself, but I was younger and a lot more fearless back then, so I definitely had the pre-trip jitters on this one. To help compensate for my incomplete grasp of the language, and to insure that I wasn't alone for the bulk of my trip, I decided to hire Don as my guide. He seemed to have the most favorable reviews on various sites, and my email correspondence with his sister set my mind at ease. I also reached out to fellow mongers that were traveling at the same time as I was (oi812, sphere, stayawayjoe, duckman, deadhead, jax and dood to name a few).

I tried to prep as much as possible for the trip, but despite this, I felt severely underprepared. I wanted to speak the language better. I wanted to lose more weight before I headed out. I wanted to feel more mentally ready for my first experience with a paid "provider". Oh well, you can't have everything you want. So I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. I'd been told the girls in Rio were pretty aggressive, so I was hoping with a few flattering lines and some self deprecating humor to break the ice, that they would take care of the rest.

I brought a virtual pharmacy with me to cover every contingency. My doc is great, so after getting a complete physical with bloodwork and the full litany of STD tests (clear as expected) I made sure that I had a prescription for Zithromax if I caught a severe cold, Cipro if I got food poisoned, Claritin/ Allegra in case my allergies kicked into overdrive, Protonix for indigestion/ heartburn, Ativan for nerves (I fly a lot, but I've never really come to enjoy it), some sampler Viagra packs (I'd never taken this stuff before, so yet another first would take place on this trip full of them), some Valium to relax and some Ambien to knock my ass out on the flights.

I used miles for the trip and did the business class boogie which was nice (United) but they used the good plane for the LAX to Miami portion and a shitty throwback to the Wright Bros. for the Miami to Rio leg. This happened again on my second trip and was really a pisser, but oh well, you get what you pay for, and I paid nothing, so whatever. I kept a journal on this first trip (I highly advise this, it's so easy to forget little details of a trip that are really enjoyable to reflect on later), so I wrote a bit in it and then napped off and on from LAX to Miami as I had been up the entire night before ripping CD's into my Archos Multimedia Jukebox. This thing is cool as hell. I was going to get an Ipod (which I still think is one of the sexiest gadgets out there) but the Archos unit just has more bells and whistles. Full LCD display, 20 gig capacity, and it stores music, pictures and even video. It's a great way to protect your photos, by backing them up while travelling, without the need of a laptop or other computer. Check it out here if interested:

http://www.archos.com/lang=en/products/prw_500375.html

I also invested in a nice, small, high resolution digital camera to insure that I would be able to capture my garotas, and tourist shots in full living color. I got an Olympus D-40 and was not disappointed. There's a great review here, and also a link to purchase (should be about 400ish bucks...I guess Olympus just replaced this model with a C-550 or something like that...):

http://www.steves-digicams.com/2001_reviews/d40.html

Music is really a key element to my life, and knowing that the girls in Rio love to dance and listen to music as well, I bought some cool travel speakers to use with my Archos jukebox. JBL came out with these bad boys just before I left and they were great. With the Jukebox hooked up, I essentially had a full digital stereo system with me at all times. Check out the JBL creature speakers here:

http://www.thinkgeek.com/computing/speakers/speakers/5b53/

These things have come down from almost double the price originally (I pre-ordered mine for $175 direct from JBL). Now they are a complete steal. I programmed a lot of dance music (Trance, Drum and Bass, House, etc.), some hip hop, some jazzy downtempo stuff, and some classical onto my jukebox, and with the subwoofer and two satellites, I could create a mini Help Disco wherever I went, lol.

Finally, being a music addict on an extended flight, I invested in some pretty insane headphones. I was going to buy the Bose Noise-Canceling headphones, but I think the sound quality from them is actually pretty weak. Yeah, they help deaden plane noise, but the music doesn't sound all that hot thru them. The best headphones I could find to both deaden outside noise and transmit flawless music were these:

http://www.etymotic.com/hifi/micropro.asp

They didn't disappoint, and I invested in having custom earpieces made at a hearing center. They basically inject your ear canal with this quick drying foam, make an impression of your inner ear, and then construct a silicone earpiece that is unique to the user. Voila, the most comfortable, best sounding headphones you can buy and well worth the expense for anyone that loves music, and has to travel regularly (especially long distances).

Yep, I'm a nerd. Enough with the gadgets. Back to the trip itself. So after nodding in and out on the LAX to Miami portion I get to Miami, I try to work an upgrade from business to first (no luck). I hit the duty free and stock up on cigs (Parliament Lights are only $15 bucks, woohoo!) The flight has checked in full, but the upside is we get to leave 15 minutes early because everyone has boarded already. 6 movies to choose from and I've got dinner and breakfast coming. Plus, the guy at the front desk actually managed to keep the seat next to mine open, so I've got a little extra space in business. Not bad.

In addition to my cigs, gadgets, sex paraphernalia and clothes, I'm also bringing over some cigs for Dood (he likes Kamel Red Lights, but the closest I could get was Camel lights), some Dr. Pepper for Don's sister Rhonda (she loves this stuff, and can't get it in Rio). I should have brought some chocolates for the flight attendants. Schmooze them early, and they can make your flight much more enjoyable. Oh well, next time.

Popped a Valium and kinda spent the entirety of the flight somewhere between sleep and wakefulness, but touched down in Rio feeling pretty rested. I set up pickup with Luiz to kind of check him out. I'd been corresponding with him via email and his English wasn't great in writing, so I was a bit nervous he might be late to pick me up. Especially considering we had a strong tailwind and the plane got in over an hour early, I thought for sure I would be waiting a while for my ride into Copa. Used the airphone to call him and lo and behold, he was already at the airport. Nice work, and his English on the phone was pretty much perfect, which was also reassuring. I hit the airplane bathroom to wash up and change so I can feel somewhat human again, and then head back to my seat to wait for touchdown. I'm a bit nervous about my first termas experience, but I'm equally excited, and feeling up to the challenge. Once the hormones kick in, I'm sure everything will have a way of working itself out, heh. My first impression of the country as I'm flying over it is that it's pretty hilly and brown, not quite as lush as I was expecting, and it looks relatively uninhabited. It's mostly sunny with a few high clouds and a mist that's hanging over the ground. I think this is the smoke from controlled burns that farmers have started. Apparently, in mid-September or so, they start clear cutting (ecologically deadly) and fully raping and pillaging the land for their crops. Just hoping the air quality won't suck too bad since I've got mild asthma, but I guess it can't be much worse than me smoking cigarettes, lol.

So I get out of the plane, grab my luggage and breeze thru customs (nothing to declare). My bags were actually off the belt pretty quick, so I changed some money in the airport cambio (just a small amount...not a great rate at about 2.8 to the dollar when the going rate was about 3.15, but not that bad considering). I needed 60 reals for Luiz, so I got enough and headed out to meet him. He looked TOTALLY different than I expected. Really small build, 32 year old, wearing sorta western wear (boots, tight black levis, a button up shirt and a gold watch/ necklace). I had bought some gifts for his wife and daughter in the duty free shop (a toy for his daughter and some chocolates for his wife) and gave him a $10 US tip for the ride in (a sizeable tip considering it's a 60 real ride, but I wanted to make a good first impression for possible future trips).

Luiz drives a small SUV (like a pathfinder equivalent) so I threw my stuff in and we head out. He grabbed some natural gas (most cars have been converted because regular gasoline is about 5x more expensive) and we headed into Rio. We passed a huge favela that looked pretty scary from the outside, and there were cops stationed all over the highway kind of randomly pulling over vehicles as they came and went. Traffic was pretty heavy, but the roads were comparable with most "first" world locales, so it was fine.

We got into Copa and Luiz tried to show me some apartments, but his prices were WAAAY out of whack, with a median price of between 150-170 US per night on places that I had seen online for 90 bucks or so. He even took me to Bobby at Blame it On Rio travel to get the keys to one location, which I thought was kind of dumb, since it would obviously mean I was paying AT LEAST two middlemen for my apartment. I checked out a couple apartments with Luiz (didn't like any of them, and especially didn't like the prices) and then treated Luiz to lunch at Aipo and Aipim (a comida por kilo chain in Rio). Good food, and really cheap. I think it was like 5-7 bucks for both of us to eat with drinks.

Learned a bit more about him, he's got 3 kids (7 mos. old baby girl, 2 year old girl and 10 year old boy) and comes from the Parana (inland Iguasu Falls jungle area). He was an exceptionally nice guy, very punctual and polite but I was a little disappointed by the apartment shuck and jive. He lives about 2 hours outside of Rio proper, so again, it kind of made me think that beyond rides to and from the airport, it wouldn't really make much sense for me to hire him as a guide. How in touch can you be with a local scene, when you live 2 hours away? Even the ride from the airport was kind of throwing him a bone, since that ride costs 35-40 reals in a taxi. I was a little turned off by the fact that he has a 16 year old mistress as well, but to each their own. Again, a nice guy, and I know a lot of vets swear by him, but I think I'll forego his services next trip.

I checked into the Debret, and the location really can't be beat. It's right across from the beach, about 10 feet from Don's office at the Alcazar Cafe and stumbling distance from Help and Meia Pataca. I got the ocean view deluxe room which was a bit small, but for $70 US a night, I can't really complain. Some photos of the ocean view deluxe room.




Trying to get upgraded to a deluxe suite, but as of now it's not available, so I'll have to be patient. Front desk people speak English, safes in the room, great view from my window. Overall, a very comfortable location, especially for a newbie. I call Don at noon, he sounds half asleep (welcome to Rio, lol) we make plans to eat lunch at Alcazar at 3pm, so I lay down for a couple hours and then head down to meet the crew. I have to circle a couple times as I'm not sure who Don is, but once I see the cigar, I know it's him, lol. Dood is there along with a couple other mongers whose board names I don't remember, but everyone seems very cool. I pay Rhonda for Don's services, and then pass the 4 cartons of Camel Lights to Dood, who looks like he just won the lottery, lol. Everyone has pretty much finished eating already, so I just drink some water (hold the Caxambu, which to me tastes like carbonated water that has gone flat...I'll take my Minalba agua sem gais, sem gelo favor...) and then we head off to Luomo. I'm pretty nervous about my forthcoming first experience with a pro, but what the hell, I'm in Rio, gotta dive in sooner or later.

We get to Luomo which is like in the middle of this antique mall. There is no way in hell I would have found it on my own, lol. We hit the blockbuster on the way in and also made a pit stop for some of Don's "Sem Nome" (no name) cigars (this would become the daily ritual pretty much, lol). We head into Luomo, they write down our names, give us our numbered bracelets and we then go to the locker room to change from street clothes into robes and flip flops. People at the front desk are very polite and speak english, and the facilities are nice and clean. Something about the small size makes it much less intimidating for a newbie, but I've still got butterflies.

We walk into the main boite area with Donald, and it's like Jesus has arrived, lol. He knows EVERY girl and is treated like a superstar. By association, you feel very well taken care of in Don's presence. On first impression, Luomo reminds me of a small U.S. strip club. Girls are in skimpy outfits just hanging out and dancing to techno. Don starts chatting with this girl Sara who seems really sweet. She's not the hottest girl in the club, but she's cute, with a pretty tight body and a great personality from what I can tell. We chat a bit in broken English/ Portuguese while I drink a couple screwdrivers to take the edge off. I tell her it's my first day, on my first trip, and that "eu estou timido" (I'm shy). We chat a bit more, just kind of joking around and being cute and flirty in a non-aggressive way, and then she kisses my hands, which for some reason strikes me as a really sweet, endearing gesture. She next starts making out with me, and within seconds, all my preconceived notions are out the window.

Before Luomo, I was like "no way am I kissing some hooker", but the girls seem so normal and clean and cool (and of course, sexy, lol) that I tossed out that edict almost immediately. We started necking for a bit like high-schoolers and halfway thru my second drink I told her I wanted to head back. She disappears with my key (your whole financial world revolves around this key in the termas) and reappears in the doorway about 5 minutes later in a black negligee. This is my cue to head back to a cabine with her. She asks me on the way if I want two girls, but I tell her, it's my first time doing something like this, I'm a little shy and nervous, so let's keep it just her and I (later that night I lay on the bed and think "holy shit, I just turned down my first threesome today", lol). I'm pretty wiped from the flight in, so I'm afraid that I will either 1) pull an American Pie and bust a nut in 10 seconds flat or 2) not even be able to get it up because of nerves or being tired. I figure it's better to embarrass myself with only one girl rather than two, lol.

We get to the cabine, it's pretty small with not much besides a wall mounted stereo, a bed, a lamp and mirrors all around. Sara drops the negligee, I lose the robe and we start making out again. I slowly move down, check out her flawless pussy, and then decide to break edict #2 by dining at the Y. I play with her for a while to get her good and wet and then she blows me bareback. She then puts a condom on and gets on top, fucking me with a vengeance. I take her doggie for a while, but nerves, jet lag, and my dislike of condoms (spoiled by 10 years of monogamous, condom-free relationships) causes me to wilt. I pull the condom off, ask her to suck me again and she tries to get me to come on her tits. I have her put another condom on and fuck her HARD while watching in the mirror (God, I look fucking fat! Shit!) I start to wilt again eventually, so I pull out and ask her to finish me off with her mouth.

She's at it for a while, but I'm starting to think it's going to be a dry run. I tell her "eu nao posso" (I can't) but she just redoubles her efforts. She deep throats me, licks and sucks my balls (the licking I like, the sucking is a bit painful IMHO) and fingers my ass ("nao entrada" keeps the finger on the outside, lol). It's definitely a pro-style blow job, all while I'm gawking at her hot little body. I then tell her just to jack me off until I finish, and finally I bust a major nut, almost putting out my own eye in the process as I'm laying on my back. Almost instantly, the phone rings, so I was pretty proud that I timed it just right. Doing a decent job lasting a while and pleasing Sara somewhat despite my dick being a bit uncooperative. We clean up (I bring wet naps and Listerine strips as my post fuck routine...the girls LOVE the Listerine strips which aren't available in Brazil...I call them "mente diferente", the different mints, lol and the girls like how strong they are...they also kill germs, so it can't be a bad preventative measure after dining at the Y and making out with numerous gals back to back.). Sara heads back to clean up, and I head back to the boite to rejoin the group with a bashful, shit-eating grin on my face. Here's a few pics of Sara...what a sweetie...you never forget your first, lol...

Photos:
Sara 1 Sara 2

We say our goodbyes, pay up (about US $60 for the sex, the drinks and admission...what a country) and then we head off to Monte Carlo.

We walk the several blocks to Monte Carlo, the weather is great, 70's at night and good ocean breezes, no real humidity. Pretty darn nice for winter weather.

Compared to Luomo especially, Monte Carlo is HUGE. Something like 5 floors, and the "spa" experience is much better than Luomo. I'm too tired to fuck, so I opt to use the rest of the facilities. I get a proper massage from an older woman who makes me strip nude (bye bye boxers...so much for "estou timido", lol). Massage wasn't spectacular, more of a rub down, no tissue work (I like the deep stuff) but at 30 cents or so per minute, well worth the price, heh. She absolutely HOSED me with hot massage cream, but it felt good, especially because the room was kinda cold, so whatever. Her hands would stray to my asshole and balls every once in a while, so I found myself consciously trying NOT to get aroused (keep in mind this woman is OLD and not even close to hot, lol). After the massage, she ordered me into the steamroom, so I followed her directions and then after sweating a bit, took an ice cold shower, followed by a hot soapy one to get the last of the cream off. Felt much better, so now it was time to head back to the boite level with the girls and my fellow mongers.

There are some real stunners in the boite at this point. Problem was it's Saturday night, so the place is jammed with dudes as well. I saw a few targets for my next visit including Debra and Samantha, met SonnyP and had some drinks with Don and the other guys just kinda hanging out. After literally turning down sex with 3-4 girls (Juliana who is a gorgeous Filipina-looking exotic hottie grabbed me by the belt of my robe, jammed her tongue down my throat and whispered in my ear in English "make love to me"...and I actually passed, damn). Only in Brazil can you turn down sex from some of the hottest women you've ever seen. Thank God they'll be there tomorrow and the next day, and the next day, because my ass was exhausted and again, I didn't want to embarrass myself by underperforming. The last of the cabine runners returns, and so we head out, but like a retard I leave my bag in the locker. This is why you tip the ladies in the locker rooms. In situations like these, they can save your ass, so be sure and leave 3-5 reals when you head out. It's well worth it.

We meet Bobby from Blame in on Rio travel on the way out. Nice guy, and then we head back to Don's office (Alcazar) to get some grub. It's close to midnight, 8 hours have gone by in the blink of an eye (I swear there is some sort of time warp inside the termas) and I'm starving. Alcazar is jammed, so we meet up with Dood and head to Terraco outside of Help. The scene is unreal. Totally surreal sensory overload. Imagine an outdoor cafe just a few feet from the entrance to Help. It's literally a supermarket of pussy, with chicks of all shapes and sizes jocking for their men. A popular tactic is for them to grab food or a drink (required for them to stay) and then toss a little balled up piece of paper at you to get your attention. About as subtle and discreet as a train wreck, but it's entertaining as hell to watch. I spot a few gorgeous gals, and Don (ever the superstar guide) knows most by name. One chick totally looks like Catherine Zeta-Jones and I make a mental note to find her before I leave, but she seems to have a thing for bigger black guys, so my white ass is prolly gonna have a hard time closing, heh. Who knows. Another hottie is this mulatta "Elisabeth" who Don says speaks fluent English and German and even lived in Berlin for a few years with a former client.

We eat slowly and just kind of soak up the scene. There are some really obnoxious American guys next to us, and once again, I get to be embarrassed by my citizenship. Oh well. We finish eating our meals slowly and more and more girls keep showing up. Some are the ghastliest hags I have ever seen, but some are smoking hot. I'm too pooped to do the Lido district or Help my first night, so I hang a while longer and then head back to the Debret. Don is cool enough to walk me, though it's only a couple of blocks. I know some guys think it's lame to hire guides, or a sign of weakness or something, but being with Don helped me relax and feel a bit more secure in my surroundings. He knew the lay of the land, the regular scams, and what to look out for, and I appreciated his company. Not to mention meeting fellow mongers, which made my trip much more fun. There's nothing like swapping tales of conquest over a good meal with newfound friends.

We get about a block away from the Terraco and I realize that yet again, I have forgotten my fucking bag. What an idiot! My camera and other shit are in there so Don says "go back...QUICK!" So, I sprint back at full speed, and the table is already cleared with no bag in sight. Fuck! I look around to try and see which girl is missing, but I can't tell, so I run, get a waiters attention and tell them "mia bolso" or something to that effect to convey I lost my bag. The waiter tells me to calm down, and then I see our waiter, Jonas, who was really cool and knows Don well. He comes out with my bag and tells me that my camera had fallen out of it, but he happened to feel it with his foot and so scooped everything up. Thank God! I am so lucky, and oh so stupid, and I make a decision to no longer lug a bag around with me. I tip Jonas 10 reals, and am thankful that Don knew this guy pretty well. No telling if he would have returned my stuff if I was just some other random U.S. tourist. I meet back up with Don, get my heart rate back down to a realistic pace, write in my journal and then pass out about 3:30 am after a long ass first day in Rio.

Next day
Because of the election, these loud-ass speaker trucks start driving by out front (Avenida Atlantica) blaring election slogans and voter jingles. It is the most annoying thing ever, especially after a late night out (which is every night). In the good news department, the weather is great, and it's awesome to wake up to the sound of the waves crashing (between election announcements, lol). Since it's Sunday, they've closed one half of Atlantica so people are jogging, biking and walking it, without fear of the scary ass drivers in Brazil (Don has saved me from being run over several times already in my first 24 hours, heh). I order some room service (about 5 bucks U.S. for eggs, ham, cheese, salami, a bread basket, delicious coffee and milk, orange juice and fresh papaya, watermelon and pineapple). Still staggered by the low prices. After eating I'll write in my journal a bit more and then call Don around noon before napping for a couple more hours. We're expecting 3 new mongers in today, so our little group is about to grow.

After eating, I called Don, but never got a chance to nap. Headed down to Alcazar to meet up with the fellow newbies at 1pm. Here's an overhead shot of Don's office from the Debret.



Got down there and Don, Rhonda and Dood were all there, along with Iggy, his brother, and Sphere who were all visiting Rio for their first time. All really cool peeps, and it felt good to be with fellow newbies. In fact, since I'd been in town for a full day longer than them, I got to play the veteran, lol. Everyone else ate, and then at 2pm I ran back to the Debret to see if the deluxe suite (one of only two rooms with a veranda/ balcony) was available. Fyi, they release held rooms at 2pm if folks don't show up, so if you want a room upgrade, that is the best time to check. Bingo! I'm in luck and 1103 has opened up, which is the same room recommended by another monger. Much bigger, right across from the hotel restaurant, making grabbing breakfast easier (a short stumble upstairs), about the same price and most importantly, it has a huge balcony which is key for me (I love to smoke outdoors while writing). Here are some shots of the room, including some sunrise shots from the balcony both of the ocean, and of the huge favela on the hill behind the hotel (Rocinha?)





I run out to hook up with Don and the boys again, we make the Citibank ATM run (3.11 to the dollar vs. 3.12 yesterday...still a great exchange), then we head to Luomo, one of only two termas (along with Solarium) that is open on Sundays. My plan was to bag either Bia or Giselle (hot little latina blonde, with sexy eyes who is now retired and married to some dude in Switzerland I believe) then chill for a bit. We get inside, I'm looking for Bia, I turn my head for a sec, and she reappears paired with some French dude who hails from about 30 minutes outside of where I grew up in Northern California. Damn! You gotta act fast with the high demand girls apparently, lol. Oh well, I'm learning. I'm kinda bummed, and the guy sees that I want Bia, so he is cool enough to come over an apologize. He tells me he is flying back home that day, and wanted a chance for a second session before leaving. I told him it was all good, that he should have fun, I've got two weeks to have my chance with Bia, so it's no problem at all. Ah, monger courtesy, lol. This place can really do your head in I tell ya'. So he rolls back to a cabine and I sit and just kind of check out the scene. It's a pretty slow day, and much more mellow than my first visit yesterday, so I'm kind of underwhelmed, but I'm having fun watching the new guys faces and reactions. I know I must have looked exactly the same only 24 short hours ago. A few minutes pass and then I see a girl walk in, cute, but not really my type. A mulatta with long black straight hair and almost Asian-looking big, beautiful eyes.

She and Don embrace like old, old friends and Dood tells me "fuck Bia dude, you MUST go with Camilla". I say "okay", and within about 30 seconds, I'm chatting with Camilla. She speaks great English and is a really bright, bubbly, fun girl. I don't fully appreciate her virtual legendary status, but I'm definitely digging her, so we drink some waters together and start making out. Things get hot and heavy and my water spills on both of us (duh!). I head back for a fresh robe and to lose my boxers, then head back to the boite and Camilla. After a bit more chatting, I give her my key and then we head back to a cabine. I've already posted most of the specifics of this first romp in the hay with this lovely gal, so I won't go into more detail here. It's already gotten me into enough trouble once (thanks to a jealous fellow monger cutting and pasting my posts and emailing them to her during this trip). Camilla and I have become more platonic friends now, so out of respect to her, I'll leave out the details. I will say this though, Camilla is truly an amazing gal. She's as smart as she is beautiful and knows how to push ALL the right buttons. She treats every man like a King, and it's very easy to get lost in the fantasy with her. She's the only girl that I got kind of jealous over when seeing her with other men in a termas, but time and experience taught me to leave that shit on the tarmac in the states. Your ego and your jealousy are not welcome in Brazil, and will only ruin your trips. Camilla is still a standout experience for me, and I really like her beyond just a "fuck buddy".

Up to this point, I haven't touched my Viagra stash, but the condoms are still creating problems for me, so I decide to start using the vitamin V to insure that I have no problem maintaining my wood. Iggy has taken his first Viagra this night in Luomo and said it worked like a charm (in his words "cold hard steel...can't scratch it" lol...) so I'm definitely adding it to the ritual. We pay up, head out, and I suggest another meal at the Terraco so the new crew can see the "zoo" like I did on my first night out. We feast while the new guys' eyes get as wide as dinner plates, lol. Iggy and his brother take home a couple cuties that Don knows, while Dood, Sphere and myself head home to get some shut eye. I'm still feeling the sting of the black widow's charms, and I make up my mind to take her to Iguasu Falls with me.

I fall asleep about 3am, but for some reason wake up at 5:50 am. I decide to stay up for another ten minutes and then grab breakfast when the buffet opens. The hotel restaurant is just outside my door and up a few steps on the 12th floor (another benefit to being in room 1103) so I load up my plate with linguica, ham, salami, eggs, cheese, olives, granola, milk and a banana and take it back to my room. I eat on the terrace while the sun rises, and get some good shots before taking my vitamins and passing out again.




I still don't sleep very soundly, and Jose (the Angra/ Buzios guide guy) calls me at 11am and wakes me up (dammit!) Talk to him for a bit and then lay back down, when Don calls at 12pm and tells me to meet the crew at 1pm at Alcazar (shit, there goes my sleep). I get down there about 1/2 hour late and grab some juice and water before we head out for my first 4x4 run.

4x4 is in Centro (downtown) so it takes a good 15 minutes by taxi to get there. We get there about 2:30pm just after the place has opened and the terma is HUGE. Kind of intimidating, and easy to get lost in, but a TON of girls. Problem is, there are a LOT of throwaways IMHO, and only a handful of hotties, so you have to do some hunting. After sitting alone for a long while (the vibe is definitely not quite as fun and social as some of the smaller termas, there's an aura of expectancy and almost impatience coming from a lot of the girls, no doubt because of the daunting size and fierce competition with that many chicks on the clock) a fairly cute blonde comes up and starts chatting with me. 4x4 specializes in blondes, so for those of you that like that sort of thing (basically, anyone except GCL, lol) this is the place for you. Though I was originally intending to do Shyva (porn star, and mid-size spinner extraordinaire), the blonde, Vida, manages to talk me into a threesome with her and another little brunette hottie I had my eye on, named Tuanya. I decide to go for the gusto and get a super suite, which has a hot tub in the room. Since it's before 5pm (it's like 4:57pm when I hand Vida my bracelet/ key) Vida runs up, signs us in for a super suite, and we get the pre-5pm discount, which means they waive my admission because I picked a girl before 5pm (when the bulk of the clientele shows up, after work).

We head into the suite and I'm giving them my "estou timido e nervosa" line, which isn't really a line, but the girls seem to dig it regardless, lol. Fuck it, I'm new to this game, so I figure it's better to be up front about it, so if there are any problems, I will have at least warned them. Plus, since any performance problems I'm having are psychological anyway (I'm 30, so there's obviously no physical dysfunction) telling them helps relieve the performance anxiety. Vida is a real sweetheart and tells me to relax and not worry, they'll give me a massage and we'll have fun, no problems, no nerves, lol. They fill the hot tub, while I take a shower (all the rooms at 4x4 have a shower, which is kinda cool). Weird thing is, there's a toilet INSIDE the shower, which is fine for pissing, but taking a dump in a suite seems kinda nasty...whatever, I digress, lol.

So I ask Vida if it's cool to take pictures now (I made sure that "completa" and "tira fotos" were both okay before taking them to a cabine). She tells me sure, but no face shots, as she's got a 12 year old kid and doesn't want him to find her on the internet. I totally respect this, so she starts posing with her face obscured. As soon as I start shooting, Vida becomes a TOTAL ham, she absolutely LOVES posing. In general, the Brazilian girls love to look at themselves (you will always see them dancing in front of mirrors) so the camera is an extension of this. Tuanya is a lot more reserved and shy (she's apparently a massage therapist at a hospital when not working at 4x4) so Vida starts tossing her around and making her pose. At this point, I start calling Vida "the Director" because she's definitely in charge of the situation, both in terms of the "photo shoot" and especially once the sex starts, lol. The photo shoot is really fun, and a great ice breaker and way to get acquainted. Both the girls are really sweet and have great, fun, no pressure attitudes. That's part of what is so nice about Rio. The girls don't take sex too seriously. You can just be friendly and fuck. It's a physical thing, we all enjoy it, so why build it up to be so all-important? Our white, western, Anglo-Saxon, Christian sex guilt is really annoying, and it's so much more emancipating to travel to places where the mindset is different. Here's the photo shoot, note the ninja poses, and Arabian princess act, lol...

Photos:
Vida 1 Vida 2 Vida Ninja Vida Arabia Vida Bunda
Tuanya TuanyaArabia
Vida/Tuanya Kiss Vida/Tuanya Dupla1 Vida/Tuanya Dupla2

Now that the photo shoot is over, it's time to get to work, lol. Vida is ALL about getting off, so she makes Tuanya eat her pussy while I watch. The "director" then makes us form a daisy chain, so I'm eating Vida, Vida is eating Tuanya, and Tuanya is blowing me...um...wow....

I then spend some time working on Tuanya, the first pussy I've come across (well not yet, heh...pun intended) that isn't completely shaved, and so I wonder if maybe this is a sign of her newbishness? So I finish Tuanya off and then get to work dining on Vida. They both are saying "muito gostosa" which I ask Don after and he tells me it means it's "really yummy" or something to that effect. Basically, "nice job munching my box junior...keep up the good work", heh.

I had tossed back my first vitamin V on arrival at 4x4, so when the "director" orders me to fuck Tuanya, I oblige by taking her doggy style. I only took 25 mg. on arrival (I think 50 mg is a better dose for me, since I'm about 200 lbs), but it was on an empty stomach with only a skol to wash it down. I waited a bit until I felt the typical facial flush, mild headache and slight stuffy nose that I came to associate with my vitamin V dosages, and then I ordered a cheeseburger and fries (VERY tasty at 4x4). Thing is, you're not really supposed to eat fatty foods with V, so I may have been doing myself a disservice. Oh well, I was hungry. So back in the suite, I decide to take another 25 mg of viagra. I tell the girls "eu preciso uma viagra" (I need a viagra) and they both are like "oh, let me see, let me see" all excited. At this point, they know they are in for it, but these garotas are up for the challenge, lol.

So, after popping the second V, I start to fuck Tuanya hard and fast doggie style and she really seems to like it. Most of the girls in Rio seem to like it rough, which is strange for me, since I'm used to taking it more slow with girls here in the states. The rough stuff is usually a treat, but here in Rio, it's the norm, which is kinda crazy. After a while going doggy, I flip her over and go mish, while she holds her legs really high just the way I like it (cue the GCL/ Rexxx foot fetish, lol). After a while fucking, we move to the hot tub, where Vida wants to work on getting me off. I got a little overzealous on the bed, and managed to pull a muscle in my shoulder somehow, so they are trying to massage it out. The water in the "hot" tub, could be hotter, but what the hell, these chicks are hot enough to compensate for the water temperature. I know we've been in the room for a while, and we're having a total blast, but I also know I'm nowhere near coming (even though the blowjob in the hot tub while getting massaged feels awesome, lol). I ask Vida how much time I have left and she runs out to check. She comes back and says "5 minutes", but I tell her I'm having too much fun, I plan on finishing, so go extend my time. She works out some sort of discount with the woman at the desk, while Tuanya continues to work on me in the hot tub.

Tuanya and I move to the bed again and she starts massaging my sore shoulder again while rubbing against my dick. Problem is, Tuanya and I can't really communicate at all, she speaks Brazilian really differently than the other girls and I can't make out what she means, and she in turn can't really tell what I'm saying either. Vida is better at communicating, so when she returns we get back to business. These girls really want me to come (as do I) so Vida starts blowing me and telling me to come in her mouth, while Tuanya plays with my balls, kisses my neck, licks my nipples and nibbles my ears. It's pretty awesome, and after a while I go from standing up to laying back on the bed while they both work on me with hands and mouths (nothing like looking down at two gorgeous women trying their damnedest to please you, heh).

I should mention that both of these girls were determined to finger fuck me in the ass. I know some guys are into this, but I'm just too uptight, so I told them "nao entrada" repeatedly, but they kinda wouldn't take no for an answer, lol. I'm all for touching, but entering just wigs me out, maybe I just need to lose my western inhibitions, who knows. The girls are continuing to go at it with a frenzy, and I'm starting to feel bad because I've been such a chore to get off, lol. Suddenly, the phone rings, and I'm like "fuck!" thinking we'll have to leave, and I'm not going to finish after dropping God knows how many reals on my first threesome. Vida says "don't worry" and keeps jacking me off while Tuanya moans in my ear and licks my nipples. Finally, after 2 hours and 10 minutes of aggressive fucking, sucking, fingering, etc etc I explode and feel like I'm going to pass out from the force of my orgasm, lol. Vida and Tuanya both jump up on the bed and yell "YaY!!!" and Vida says "muito muito leite" (a lot of milk/ cum), haha.

Tuanya jumps in the shower to clean off, while Vida comes over and kisses/ cuddles with me and tells me how sweet and "tranquilo" I am, and that I am a good man, not just like the "bang bang boys" they are used to, lol. I've gotten this from all three of my girls so far, so I guess it's a compliment, although I AM trying to work my way up to "bang bang boy" status, heh.

My threesome was great, although I could have kicked it up a few notches by fucking Vida in the ass, etc. Regardless, I had a good time for my 660 reals (about 220 US). A ton of money for Brazil, but the price of a blowjob from a single hooker in the states I would imagine.

I went back into the boite, and the population of guys had just about quadrupled. It was crowded and definitely time to get the hell out of there. Shyva was dancing/ spinning on stage, and he body is even more perfect in person....tight, petite and perfectly toned, but her face wasn't as hot. A bit long and her jaw is a bit too square, kinda horselike, but I'd definitely still do her. Turns out Sphere got dissed by Becca (she went with another guy after telling Sphere she would wait while he finished eating) so Don was pissed and enacted a boycott on her. Very difficult to do, as I really wanted to session with her, but Don needed to prove a point, so we maintained monger solidarity. Besides, I had Bia at Luomo as my fallback blonde, heh. Iggy came out after doing a dupla with two girls that looked like they were about 14, braces, pigtails and all, lol and he looked as spent as I must have. We all had worked up serious appetites, so we went out to get food.

Everyone rallied at Alcazar and then we headed to the Miramar Hotel for their buffet. Great food, swanky place, so you have to be a bit more reserved in your dinner table conversations (Sphere started talking about eating pussy while chewing bubblegum and I thought for sure we were going to be tossed out, lol). After dinner, we all took a tour of Dood's new apartment. Great place, directly behind Help, with an unobstructed view of the ocean. He was in the midst of remodeling it, but when it's done, it should be stellar.

Iggy and his bro decided to pack it in, they were pretty exhausted after hitting it hard their first two days, so Don said he was gonna head home for an hour to relax, while Sphere and I hit the internet cafe (Fone Rio on Miguel Lemos across from Don's place). We checked email and stuff and then hit the outdoor market on the Avenida Atlantica center divider. Most of this stuff is kinda touristy crap, but if you speak a bit of Portuguese, you can occasionally get some good deals on a few cool items (soapstone chess sets, leather maps, paintings, belts, etc). I give Sphere a quick tour of my room at the Debret so he can keep it in mind for next trip (he's had to change hotels twice already because of various problems) and then we head back to meet the crew at Alcazar.

We get there and it's Dood, Don and the cutest little brasileira I've seen yet. She literally looks 16, great skin, really cute short shaggy black hair, bright blue eyes with great style and the sweetest, most innocent looking face. I'm smitten immediately, but this chick seems to be Don's novia of the moment, so I'm trying to act disinterested. /sigh...just my luck, I find the "perfect girl" for me, and she's dating a close friend...oh well, there'll be others.

We decide to do a boite tour in the Lido/ Red Light district and the cutie (who will remain nameless, thank you very much) decides to come with us. It's me, Don, Sphere, Dood and the cutie all piled into a cab. Suddenly while we're driving, we hear sirens and screeching tires. The cabbie (one of Don's guys) pulls over and suddenly, a bunch of small cop cars go hurtling thru the intersection in front of us, one coming just a few feet away from t-boning a bus. We can hear the sirens on the opposite side of the building getting closer, as are the screeching tires. The cop cars that shot into the intersection have created a makeshift roadblock. Whatever is going down is about to happen right in front of us, as we're only about 10 feet away from the intersection/ roadblock. Suddenly, from the right side just in front of us, a small blue car comes skidding around the corner. It looks pretty banged up, like it's been running into shit on the sides during this chase. Suddenly the blue car screeches to a halt right in front of us, as they've seen the road block, and cops from both sides open fire on the car. We're all trying to get as low in the cab as we can while we hear the gunshots in front of us. Somehow, they managed to not kill the guys in the car, but the cops yank them out and slam them to the ground while we all check our shorts for "accidents", lol. Traffic is now fucked, a crowd has formed, and we eventually get out of there after a bit of the hoopla dies down. Whew...never a dull moment in Rio.

So, back to our Lido district boite tour. We decide to start at the bottom and work our way up. We got into Don Juan and this place is a SHIT HOLE. Looked like we were in the deepest, dirtiest, darkest, dankest end of TJ somewhere. Tiny bar, dirty side alley and the nastiest chicks you've ever seen. They just give blowjobs and fuck almost right in the open. Most of the clients this night were literally like 80 year old Brazilian men. I drank the quickest beer of my life and we were outta there...yuck!

We had planned on hitting Baccarat next (home of the booger eater at the time) but it was closed, so we went to Z2. This is a boite owned by an American guy, that is actually really nice looking inside and out, but severely lacking in talent. Don's cutie actually used to work as a secretary for them. Again, if this place is able to draw some good girls, it could be a cool hangout eventually.

Next was the Pussycat, and this place was a bit better in terms of girls. Saw a few foreigners inside and a few hags, but at least 3 chicks were doable. They apparently have cabines on site, so you at least have SOME privacy here (unlike "Knob Hill" at Don Juan, where you fuck the chicks behind a thin, 2 foot high, bamboo screen, lol). They tried to overcharge us 5 reals for drinks, and Donald HATES that shit (Rio is the land of the nickel and dime scams), so he talked to the manager and cleared it up.

Finally, we headed to the famous Frank's Bar. Now, this place ain't cheap (relatively). You pay 30 reals to get in, but like most clubs in Rio, that is based on "consumption". In other words, you need to consume at least 30 reals in booze to effectively get your money's worth. This place is really classy inside, kind of like a gentleman's club in the U.S. and they have girls dancing all over. Most are at least reasonably cute, some are stunning. The deal is, if you find a girl you like, you pay her bar fine (again the 30 reals admission) and then negotiate an all night price directly with the girl (typically 150-200 Reals). There is also a live sex show here, which was kind of frustrating for me to watch. Here I am having a hard time maintaining wood in a terma fucking some of the hottest chicks I've ever seen, while this guy can bust a nut in 10 minutes flat in a room crowded with people. Damn, lol. We drink a bunch of Heinekens (the beer of choice at Franks, though I much prefer the lighter Brazilian beers) and I proceed to get pretty drunk. I'm still distracted by Don's cutie, and I don't really see anything worthy of an effort, so I head home and hit the sack solo. It's close to 4am when I fall asleep again, in another 8-9 hours I'll be back at Alcazar with Don and company to start the cycle again, lol.

We meet at Alcazar about 1:30 pm and head off to Rio Sul to do a bit of shopping. The mall is enormous, and prices were awesome so I'll have to return to load up on goodies before I head back home. Great eye candy in the malls as well, with tons of non-programa hotties working in the various stores. The key to shopping in Brazil is only buying stuff that is MADE in Brazil. You're not going to save any money trying to buy Gucci, Prada or Armani gear in Rio, though you can readily find these brands. Arrow dress shirts are made here, some Adidas, Nike, Puma and Reebok shoes, and stores like Taco (think Gap), Siberian (think Banana Republic) and Elle et Lui (think high fashion, low prices) are some of the places I really dig buying clothes at for great prices because the stuff is made domestically.

After Rio Sul, we head straight to Monte Carlo, where 6 hours go by in the blink of an eye. I had originally planned on doing Juliana, the hot little exotic Filipina looking cutie, but then Debra entered the picture, heh. I pop a V when we enter and decide to wait a bit for it to kick in. I feel all the usual symptoms within about 40 minutes (warm flushed face, slight headache, pressure/ sinus congestion). Don is on his cell and says his girl Debra is coming and that I MUST do her. These guys haven't steered me wrong yet (they encouraged me to get entangled in the Black Widow's web however, heh), so I decide to follow their expert advice once again. I'm seeing more and more hotties that I'd like to do, but I'm determined to hold out for Debra. So I wait...and I wait...and I wait. Don is getting frustrated because Debra is late, so I go to the bar to grab us some drinks while we're killing time. On the way to the bar, Juliana (who if you remember, I turned down my first day in town even when she DFK'ed me and whispered "make love to me now") comes up to me and says in Portuguese "You're not tired today are you?" (this was the excuse I gave her on my first day because of the long flight in). Damn, these girls have amazing memories. Unbelievable, but I've got to hold out for Debra, so once again I have to turn the beautiful Juliana down and it breaks my heart. I say in Portuguese "forgive me, but I"m waiting for someone", she asks "who?" and I say "Debra" to which she replies "that's a problem", kisses me, smiles and let's me on my way with my drinks.

Finally, after an hour getting ready, Debra walks in. She's a gorgeous mulatta with beautiful, dark, cat-like eyes, great skin and a virtually flawless body. We're only talking for about a minute when this Italian fucker runs in all frantic, fully clothed and starts chatting her up. She tells me in very good English "excuse me please, I have to talk to my friend". I'm kind of getting a weird vibe because 1) I've had to wait so long 2) she's talking to this guy who is obviously a repeat customer and 3) we haven't really even had a chance at all to connect. About 5 minutes later, "pizza boy" as Don and I called him, comes back up to the boite in a robe and while he heads to the bar to grab a drink, Don says "Take her NOW!". Realizing what's going on, and not wanting to get beat out on what is obviously a special gal, I tell Debra "vamos" and we head to a cabine. As we're waiting for the elevator she asks "Don tells you to go with me?". I say "yes", she says "you like me?" I say "very much", which to be honest, at this point wasn't really true since I didn't even get a chance to know her a bit before taking her up like in most terma situations. I was flying blind purely on Don's recommendation.

As we're heading up to the cabine door, she says in English "I have coke". She asks me if I want some and I'm like "uh, no thanks". She laughs and tells me "I have the coke right here" and points to her little purse/kit thingie. Now I'm getting worried not only about the weird vibe/ scenario that has gotten me to a cabin with Debra, but also that the girl is a fucking druggie, a popular problem with the programa girls. While I'm thinking all this, we enter the cabine and she says "I show you" and rifles thru her bag and pulls out this huge dildo. I finally figure out that she was trying to say "cock" and make a joke about having a cock, but she was saying "coke" which I was interpreting as cocaine of course. Whew! Never have I been so relieved to be looking at a dildo, lol.

Debra dims the lights a bit, puts on some music and we start making out. I'm kissing her neck and her ears and then start moving to her tits (the only potential flaw on her body, as they are a tad saggy). I move down to my favorite task, and her pussy is clean-shaven and immaculate. I'm using all my tricks and it seems to be working, as Debra is covered in goosebumps and literally quivering. I'm not sure if she fully came, but she jumped up after a while, twirls me around and tells me it's my turn.

The girl had spectacular oral skills, deep throating, ball sucking, rimming, the whole nine. Best blowjob I've ever had and then she lifts my legs and starts tongue fucking me in the ass, definitely a first, takes some getting used to, but once I relaxed and just went with it, it felt awesome. I'm finally starting to get into the groove of being with these girls, so when she got on top of me and rode me hard cowgirl style, I had no problems maintaining my wood (i'm sure the V was helping as well). She's fucking me super hard and deep and she turns to the side while riding me, which is a new position for me and feels great, even in a condom. Finally, for the coup de grace, she wants to come, so she takes me as deep as possible and just grinds her clit on me like crazy for a while. Again, she's got the goosebumps, so I know she's about to come. She says in English "speak to me" so I start talking dirty to her and I feel her pussy clamp down hard repeatedly as she has a powerful orgasm. She kind of collapses on me a little bit before rising up to switch positions so I can come and as I look down, voila, no condom.

Obviously, we both fucking freak, her even more than me (surprisingly). She lays down and tries to pull it out, but it's too deep (not me bragging, honest, lol, she was just grinding on that bad boy pretty hardcore). All the while I'm trying to tell her to calm down, it's okay, I'm safe, I've been tested, I didn't come yet, etc etc as her face is covered in pure panic/ fear. She tells me to go to the bathroom and rinse off quickly, so I soap up my junk in the sink, take a piss to clear my urethra and then head back to the cabine while she goes in to clean up. She fishes out the condom and rinses out her insides for a good long while, as I sit in the cabine chain smoking because my nerves are shot.

She finally comes back into the cabine, and she's still obviously freaked out, but she takes off her g-string to finish me. I tell her "no, put your thong on, no more fucking, I won't be able to come anyway, I'm too nervous, so let's just talk". She seems relieved, I give her a cigarette and we lay together kissing while I reassure her that I'm fine, disease free, and I always (with the exception of my 2 long term girlfriends) practice safe sex. She in turn tells me not to worry and offers to take me to her Dr. to see her negative HIV results, but I say "it's okay, I trust you". We both start to calm down a bit, and she laughs and says "my pussy was hungry...it ate your condom". It was so cute, and I felt so bad that she was so freaked out. She keeps saying over and over "crazy, crazy, I go crazy".

I'm sure this is probably a line, but she tells me she rarely "comes" while working, that she has "control", but that my mouth made her crazy, lol. I told her, come on, I'm new to Rio, but I know that's one you probably use on all the guys. She looks at me and in perfect English says "I don't have to lie, I already have you in a cabine", lol. Good point, and I'm obviously flattered so lie or not, I'm eating it up. Since I didn't come, and since the condom more than likely only came off when she rose up off of me, exposure for both of us should have been very minimal. I was actually encouraged by how nervous she got when it happened, as it shows that she takes her health very seriously, and is concerned about risky behavior. Having a child no doubt helps gals like Debra be a bit more responsible when it comes to their health and careers. After numerous cigarettes, a long talk, and lots of reassurances, cuddling and kisses, the phone rings and we head back to the boite to talk to Donald.

Don just kind of laughs it off and says not to worry. Broken, lost, defective condoms are just part of the hobby, so you can't totally freak out when an accident happens. This kinda set my mind at ease somewhat, and since I've passed my HIV tests twice with no problems since, it's pretty likely that everything is status quo. As promised, here are some post-sexo shots of the goddess...If she looked this good after, imagine how hot she was before, and in person, heh...

Photos:
Debra 1 Debra 2 Debra 3

A few minutes later, Debra comes back down after getting cleaned up, and "pizza boy" is on her like a cheap suit. She tells me "one minute, I be back" and I see her get in an argument with the Italian. It's obvious she doesn't want to do him, she just wants to hang with me and Don and chat, again, very flattering and I'm letting my ego get stroked. Fantasy or not, it still feels great, lol. Donald and I watch as Debra grabs other girls and introduces them to pizza boy as replacements. She pulls three girls over before the Italian finally gets the hint and storms out in a huff. Debra kind of shrugs, smiles at me and comes and sits down next to me and starts kissing me over and over. America 1, Italy Zero, lol. Debra and I are chatting and she's waiting on me hand and foot, getting me drinks, pouring them, giving me cigarettes, lighting them. All the other guys in our group are just staring at how beautiful she is, and I'm feeling like a stud, lol. I'm getting to know her better, she's 28, has a 4 year old son, grew up a couple hours outside of Rio and has already been divorced twice at the ripe old age of 28. Unbelievable that someone could actually get sick of a beauty like Debra, but that's us guys for ya'. No matter how hot the girl, we eventually get bored and want some strange.

We eventually have to head out after 6 plus hours in MC, and I ask if it's cool to call Debra later. She says that would be good, asks for my email, and then tells Don a bunch of compliments about me so that he will relay them. Again, an ego-booster, and Debra has taken the cake so far this trip in terms of a connection coupled with mind-blowing sexo.

We head to Alcazar, get some grub and then decide to do the boite run again. We start at the bottom with Don Juan like last time, and this complete sea hag starts chatting me up. I'm trying to play dumb, but Iggy is pretty buzzed and every time he sees this nightmare chick talking to me, he starts busting up. The girl starts asking me in broken English/ Portuguese why my friends are laughing at her, is there a problem? I tell her no, they're laughing at ME because I can't speak Portuguese very well. Ugh, very uncomfortable position to try and lie in a language I barely speak. I'm trying to get these guys to drink faster (I finished my beer in about 30 seconds) so we can get the hell out of there before this chick starts freaking on me.

Next stop is Baccarat to see the booger eater. Baccarat is a half step up from Don Juan, but still a total dive. The chicks are younger, but most are REALLY fat. We see B.E. and she looks 14, tops. Not the prettiest face, but cute in a kinda slutty way and SUPER petite if you like spinners. These fat chicks and the boog are dancing on stage, while the most disgusting slobbery deep throat blowjob is being broadcast on the television in the joint. Iggy and I are both nearly gagging it is so nasty, but it's like a car wreck, we can't stop looking at it and getting grossed out, lol. The live sex show is about to start, and it's a lesbian act between two total whales. These girls are seriously like 200 + pounds, and it's equal parts funny and sad (but definitely NOT erotic) to see this about to happen. Just as the fat chicks are about to go down on each other, I get up and our crew starts to walk out, casually passing some brasileiro getting a hummer in the seat behind us, lol.

We head to Pussycat again, and the talent is even stronger than my first visit there, with 2 girls that I would do in a second. We have a couple skols, eat some Japanese peanuts and then head over to Ciccolina.

I was sorely disappointed by this place. Maybe we were just there on an off night, but the place was too crowded, very uncomfortable, and there were few attractive girls IMHO. There were two average hotties behind us, and one really sweet, cute girl named Fernanda came and sat with us for a while. She was a friend of Don's and though she wasn't really my type (and had a bit of an overbite that I wasn't into) she seemed to have a really sweet demeanor and cool attitude. Sphere hung out with her for a bit, while the rest of us headed towards Help and our respective homes.

Made a pit stop at the Hot Dog cart with Don, another step in his daily ritual. Pretty much every night is ended at the hot dog cart for Don, and after checking them out, I can see why. A hot dog in Rio is a virtual smorgasbord in a bun. Onions, shoestring potatoes, quail eggs, olives, cheese, raisins, carrots, peas, corn, mayo, mustard and ketchup, that's a Rio hot dog with everything on it. Damn! That's a lot of stuff, lol. I walk the few blocks back to the Debret while Don watches me the whole way (I find out later from the other guys). Again, it's nice to have a stand-up guy like Don looking over your shoulder.

Day 5 rolls around and like clockwork, the monger cold has arrived. Scratchy throat, clogged nose, stuffy head. Not good, but expected. I take my vitamins, then start dosing with my Zithromax. I head to a farmacia/ drogaria to get some Zinc, vitamin C and Garlic (somehow I forgot my key illness killers). The drogaria (across from Don's place on Miguel Lemos) doesn't have Zinc, but they recommend Guarana (a natural powder made from the crushed seeds of a native berry...kind of a natural energy elixir that works like a slow release caffeine, minus the jitters...a key component of the national soft drink of the same name) and this throat spray with mint, honey, rum, ginger and propolis (bee pollen or something?). I take my meds and now it's time for a run to try and sweat this cold out.

Beautiful day, very hot and I'm sweating up a storm in no time. Great people watching as I run along the beach. While running I see some poor older tourist getting hit with the "shit flinger" scam, where a shoeshine boy will fling shit at your shoe from a distance, run over, point it out, and then offer to clean your shoe(s) for a fee (usually much higher than it should be). These kids are amazing marksmen, they managed to tag this guys sandal strap from a good 25 feet away, without missing and hitting his bare foot, and also without hitting the sandal hard enough to even draw his attention. Amazing. I come back from the run, but the vitamins and antibiotics have now got me feeling queasy. I order some room service breakfast, wolf it down and then take a hot bath to try and steam up my pores and again, get rid of some of this nastiness.

Don calls, we have a new arrival who posts as waters2000, a newbie to the boards and Brazil, also traveling solo. I head down to Alcazar to meet him, and he seems like a real solid guy. Younger, muscular dude, and the ladies seem to latch on to him pretty quickly, heh. We head to 4x4 after the obligatory Citibank and cigars run, and I find the selection in 4x4 lacking once again. This really aggressive blonde clings to Patrick within seconds, and I start talking to this cute little Indian looking girl named Marcella. She seems really sweet, though I'm not really attracted to her in the least. I'm feeling pretty lousy, so I tell her no sex for me today, but she says that's cool, we can just be friends, lol. I feel kinda bad for this girl, and she seems like a sweetie, so to throw her a bone, I told her I wanted to go to a cabine with her strictly for a massage. I really wanted a rub down, but since 4x4 didn't have a massage therapist, I figured this girl would have to do. We had talked a bit, her family was poor, but she was totally non-aggressive, even though I knew she could use the money. I figured, what the hell, maybe I"m being a sucker, but 40 bucks doesn't really mean shit to me, while it is probably a lot to this chick.

We go up and she keeps saying "only massage?", lol, figuring for sure that I'm going to fuck her at some point. I keep telling her "yep, only massage" but I don't think she's really buying it. She actually gives me a pretty decent massage for a while (though it's not very relaxing as the corridors outside of our tiny ass cabine are noisy as hell). After a while, I tell her that's enough, and I start to try and help her with her English. We go thru her little kit bag and I tell her the names of the items in English, while she tells me the Portuguese. I pull out condoms, perfume, soap, shampoo, ky jelly, etc etc. Then she pulls out this tube of lidocaine liquid anesthetic and I'm like "what the fuck" and she says "pra bum bum" and points to her ass. Damn, poor chick. It was kinda depressing to me that this chick needed to numb up the inside of her ass to get fucked, but oh well, at least she's making a living I guess. Is this a regular thing with the chicks? Because until this girl, I hadn't really heard about them numbing their asses before going "completa".

On the way back into the boite, I see my blonde, Vida, from my first dupla. She's very sweet and says hello and kisses me and asks if I want another dupla. I take a pass, and walk further into the boite after bidding her adieu. The place is packed now with the after 5pm crowd, but the talent is considerably better. I see Bam Bam's "made in brazil" hottie (the one whose photos are posted with the "made in brazil" tattoo over her ass), Shyva, a hot little spinner named Julia (dark and tiny, w/ good teeth and beautiful black hair), and a few other notable targets. I'm telling the girls "estou duente" (sp?) I'm sick, and that no sex, booze or cigarettes today. Julia tells me she's sick too, but we can still fuck, lol, but I decide to pass. I'll have to get her on the next go-round. Iggy goes nuts and takes THREE girls back for a festinha (his two 14 year olds from his first visit, plus another chick...God bless him) his bro yanks a hot blonde dupla, and Sphere repeats with Vanessa (I think this is his fave of the trip...he's obsessed with her ass, lol). After everyone finishes up, we head off to another night at Luomo.

I'm not fucking anyone today because of this crappy cold, but I want to see Camilla and I do. Just as we're walking in, she's finishing up with an older, black American guy from the South. Nice guy. Termas are a very educational experience for the uninitiated westerner. They help you to learn to keep your jealousy at bay, and to separate sex from love, which these girls have to do constantly. Camilla wants to be a nurse and has been studying to become one, so when I tell her I'm sick, she immediately goes into Florence Nightingale mode, heh. She brings me hot cognac with lime and honey and makes me drink that first. Iggy is spent from his triple threat festinha, and I'm just hanging, so we both order dinner. Filet mignon w/ Madeira sauce. Very good and it hits the spot. Damn, good food can be found everywhere in Rio, and Luomo is no exception. After eating, I hit the steam room to sweat out more of the bad stuff, then shower, then hit the dry sauna to sweat some more, then another shower before getting a proper massage. The massage is a real one, and VERY tough, even by my standards and I like deep tissue. Again, you're buck naked and they LOVE to get close to your nether regions, so watch yourself, lol. 30 reals for a half hour was a good deal, so I left feeling a bit beat up, but happy.

It's Don's birthday today, so the girl's surprise him with a cake and candles, and by singing the one line of "happy birthday" that they know in English, lol. It was really cute, and a cool token of how much the girls (and I'm sure Luomo management) appreciate Don.

I go back out to the main bar area and sit with Camilla for a while and start drinking another one of her anti-illness potions (lime, honey, hot water). We talk and I ask her why the older American guy I saw her with earlier, is wearing pants and dress shoes with his robe. She tells me that one of his legs is artificial. She said one of the girls went up to him and touched the fake leg and immediately ran away, which Camilla said was "not nice". So Camilla, seeing this, went up to him and took him back. She said he was nervous, and self conscious about his leg, but she made him feel comfortable and good. So odd, but here I am talking to a girl I'm semi-smitten with about fucking some other guy and somehow the thought of her helping a handicapped guy by fucking him, is making me like her more, lol. Damn, Rio seriously fucks your head up.

We hung for a while, Iggy's bro did Giovanna, waters2000 does Amanda, Iggy recuperates from earlier, Sphere gets Lohaina's number for a session outside of the termas (they make plans to meet the following afternoon), and I continue to get nursed back to health by nurse Camilla. On the way out, Giovanna gives me a kiss goodbye and asks me if I'm Mexican, lol. Not sure what that's supposed to mean, but she'd been staring at me most of the night, and since she and Camilla are very close friends, I'm hoping that they're saying good things about me, Mexican or not, lol (note: I'm just about everything but Mexican, but I guess the goatee threw Giovanna off, heh).

Back to Alcazar for some grub and I get a salad with some chicken soup (I think it's called Canja Alcazar or something). Great stuff, especially if you're sick. The portions in Brazil are unbelievably huge, and Alcazar is no exception. Good food, huge portions, great prices...hence us eating there so regularly with Don. The soup is this massive bowl of rice, vegetables and like half a boiled chicken. Tasty, and the salad is humongous too, with hearts of palm in it, a pretty regular vegetable staple that kind of tastes like pickled artichoke hearts. While at Alcazar, Don introduces us to his buddy Magilla, this Incredible Hulk-looking guy who is from the favelas and runs security for Alcazar. Don tells us, if ever there's a problem, head for Magilla, he'll handle it, heh. We shake hands with the guy (his hands are the size of canned hams) and then we're off to Help for our first journey inside.

After running the gauntlet outside and at Terraco (watch for the touts in this area...one of the guys looks like predator with these little dread thingies and stupid sunglasses, the other is this Jamaican looking dude all decked out in white...they prey on tourists, and fancy themselves as "guides" but just ignore them) we pay our 15 reals (I think it goes up to 20 reals at midnight...you will hear a bell ring signaling 12am and the higher prices) and head in. The place is WAY nicer than I expected, with cool lights, a good soundsystem and TONS of girls. It's hailed as the biggest disco in Latin America, and I don't doubt it. There's a big ass projection TV set up on one wall broadcasting some tennis match, which seems really out of place at a rockin' disco, but whatever. The other thing I notice is that this is the most well-lit club I've ever seen. This makes sense as the primary reason for going inside is to shop for garotas, but it's pretty odd when compared to your typical, dimly lit nightclub elsewhere. We're making a circuit of the place, and all the while I'm having to fend off hyper-aggressive advances from nasty beasts. I keep giving them my "I'm sick, no sex" line in Portuguese and most of them get the not so subtle hint. There are a lot of termas chicks walking around that I recognize too, including Giselle and Patricia (Blues Traveler's gal) both from Luomo, and a bunch more from Monte Carlo, Solarium and the like, whose names I don't know, but faces I recognize.

A couple girls come up to me freaking out on my blue eyes. They keep saying "lense lense?" or something like that, which I gather means "contact lens". They basically think my eyes are fake. I tell them, nope, they're mine and rub my eyes to prove it and they just kind of smile and say "cool" (sounds like "kay haygow" or something). I'm not interested in them, so I walk off and see off in the distance a really hot, normal looking, older chick, who kinda has a TV anchorwoman vibe. Seriously, like white, western European, in an almost frumpy outfit and with a really plain jane haircut and minimal make up. Dood had told us that towards the end of the month, you get a lot of semi pros who hit the local scene to make ends meet for the first of the month bills: rent, utilities, etc. I tell Iggy's bro "you be gas payment, I'll be electricity" and we walk up to the anchor woman, lol. Her name is Luiza and I try to chat with her a bit to try and hook Iggy's bro up, as he's really into her. She's got this annoying, ugly friend Mata with her, who I try to ignore. I try to focus the attention on Iggy's bro, but newsanchor isn't getting the hint (prolly cuz my Portuguese sucks). She asks me what I'm going to do now and I told her I was sick, that I was going to bed. She looks kind of disappointed, and her friend Mata immediately starts grabbing Luiza and trying to get her to focus elsewhere. It's getting late now, so there's an air of desperation from the girls that are left inside, dateless, with no one to throw some reals at them. Waters2000 and I head back to our respective rooms to grab some shut eye as it's about 3am at this point.

The next day is a lazy one for me, still under the weather but feeling a bit better. I eat a healthy breakfast of fruit and juices, load up on Brazilian natural cures (guarana, throat spray, etc) along with my vitamins and other pharmaceuticals then head down to Alcazar to start the day off with a run to Monte Carlo. Turns out the guys want to head to Luomo, but since I'm not really feeling well enough to fuck, I don't want to just hang out at Luomo and have Camilla play nurse again, so I opt out. I tell them to call me after if they roll to MC, and I hit Fone Rio for a good long while to clear out a week's worth of emails (almost 400 in my inbox at work), hit some forums and send out some messages. The boys never make it out of Luomo, but Sphere calls me at around midnight and says that Don is hammered and the group is headed to Alcazar, lol.

Now as you've probably deduced, Don leads a pretty insane lifestyle. He lives on beer and cigars, and spends more time in termas than any man ever should (especially considering that for business purposes, he doesn't even fuck anyone inside). We all meet up at Alcazar and Don is tanked, lol. He can drink beers til the cows come home, no problem, but tonight, he's taught the bartenders at Luomo to make martinis, a recipe for disaster, haha. He told them to cut him off at 2, but he wound up having 5 or so. We hung out for a while and ate, Don sobered up a bit and then we all headed back to our places. Sphere and Iggy's bro decided to hit Help first, Waters2000 took his little blonde honey home from Luomo, and I went back to bed solo to hopefully kick this cold. A wasted day, but hopefully the sacrifice will pay off and I will be well for the remainder of my trip.

I wake up early, since I turned in early, and it's a shitty, dreary, rainy day. I head out about 10 am, drop my laundry off across the street from the Debret at the Lavanderia. The prices here aren't too bad (about 21 reals to wash, dry and press a week's worth of clothes) but in general, having your laundry done in Rio can be a bit pricey. I pass by Alcazar on my way to the Citibank ATM to get some cash and I see Dood along with some chick I haven't met before. She turns out to be his newly hired assistant Dani, who speaks perfect English with a New Orleans drawl, lol. The weirdest thing I've seen since being in Rio. She's very chatty, sweet girl, makes it clear that she thinks I'm cool and attractive and flirts with me, but at the same time, keeps stressing that she's non-programa. Nice girl, but I'm not even remotely attracted, so I just kinda shoot the shit with her and laugh at her mix of Southern hospitality, and Carioca passion. Dani invites me to a rave tonight, so I keep that in the back of my mind, as Iggy walks up and we head to Citibank.

I get 3.14 today, the best rate of the trip so far, then Don calls and we head back to Alcazar to meet the crew. Waters2000 shows up with his blondie from Luomo and they look like newlyweds or something, lol. This girl is SERIOUSLY into him, so I have a feeling he might be out of commission for the rest of his trip. 3rd day, 3rd gal, and he's locked down, lol. God bless him if he's happy. God save him if he's not. Sphere's got a date with his cutie from Luomo as well, so he bows out too. Deadhead has arrived, who I've chatted with via email prior to my trip. A very cool guy, his second trip to Rio in the last few months, and he's got a relaxed, observational, reserved style that I instantly like. While we're gathering the crew, Camilla walks by and I call her over. I have to admit, she looks even sexier in street clothes if that's possible. We chat a bit and she says she needs to go work out before going to work. She's a great gal, but each day that passes makes me doubt I'll do her again. Just too risky. Now that I've heard the stories, and read up on her while I was in Fone Rio, I don't want to be added to the pile of corpses she's left in her wake, heh.

We head off to 4x4, I've got it in my head to do Julia the little spinner from a few days before, and I toss back a Viagra to make sure I'm ready. We get there pretty early, the selection is light, I don't see Julia, so I wait. Richard gets pinned down by the hyper aggressive blonde chick that broke waters2000's terma cherry on his first day, and Iggy's bro repeats with 1/2 of his blonde dupla from the other day. I politely fend off Marcella my "only massage" girl from the other day, and just as I see Julia walk in "BAM" one of her regulars snatches her up. Damn! Scratch one viagra wasted. I see Tuanya (1/2 of my dupla) who I contemplate doing again, but we have such a hard time communicating, and she wasn't really all that skillful, so I decide not to. The place is turning into the usual swordfight by this point, with tons of guys showing up, so we wait for the cabin takers and then head out. Iggy doesn't pull anyone either.

We decide to treat ourselves to something besides Alcazar for a meal, and head over to Marius in Leme. This place is UNREAL. Gorgeous design, a very large restaurant, with absolutely impeccable food. It's a rodizio/ churrascarria (Brazilian bbq) with a massive buffet that has feijoada, cold cuts, cheeses, assorted salads, seafood, fruits, you name it, it's there. In addition, the waiters keep coming by the table with skewer after skewer of delicious meats cooked to perfection. I don't know what half the stuff is, but Don is kind of telling us as it comes by: Wild Boar, Prime Rib, Garlic soaked filet mignon, Lamb with mint, chicken, frog's legs, sausages, etc etc. The wild boar and garlic filet are probably my faves, and I eat so much that I literally think I might be sick by the time we leave, lol.

I've made plans to hook up with Debra at my hotel, Iggy and his bro are exhausted and decide to turn in, and Don's sister Rhonda is taking waters2000 and his new wife to a "regular" non-programa club. Don and Deadhead head to Monte Carlo and I head back to my hotel to sleep off my meal and rest up for Debra. I tell Don to give her my cell number again since her phone is never on. I sleep for a couple hours and then Don calls at 11pm to say that he spoke to Debra, she gets off at 1:30am from Monte Carlo and she'll call me. I clean up my hotel room a bit, and then wait....and wait...and wait...Fuck! I got stood up AND I blew off the rave I could have went to with Dani, or heading out with Rhonda. It's now after 2am, I'm wide awake after my nap, it's a bit too late to do anything solo (ah, I'm such a nervous newbie) and I've wasted a fucking Friday night in Rio. Bah! Live and learn. The girls are flakes, you can't take it personal, but do NOT plan your trip around them or you will be disappointed. It's a harsh slap of reality, since being stood up squashes any feelings of a connection with Debra, but I decide to let it go, pop a valium and get some sleep so that I don't waste my next day.

Next Day

It's now been 3 days with no action (how sad is that) because of getting stood up, being sick and just generally feeling a bit worn out. Rio is so overwhelming on your first trip, it's kind of exhausting both mentally and physically. It's fun, don't get me wrong, but it's so much to digest sometimes that it's hard to hold it together. I'm thinking of hitting fresh territory tonight with Sphere and waters2000, like Centaurus and/or Solarium or maybe I'll just fuck Juliana at MC and try to make Debra jealous, lol...don't flatter yourself kid.

I'm starting to feel like Rio is a bit of a tough place to roll around in solo. I think it would be much more fun with a liberal GFE or a wingman. I'm just too paranoid about going off on my own, and my language skills suck too much to fend for myself, so I find that I'm sticking with the group and doing stuff that's starting to get boring to me. The termas are cool, but you can kind of O.D. on them after going every day. As much as we may think Don has the ideal life, I can't say I envy him. The poor guy must be so tired of spending every night in a boite. Ah, everyone will probably think I'm crazy for saying that, but I mean it. It's a living though, and it beats the hell out of breaking rocks, so what the heck.

My diary stops at this point, so the rest of this report won't be quite as detailed (I'm sure everyone just breathed a deep sigh of relief, lol).

Since Debra stood me up, I've pretty much gotten over her and have refocused on Camilla (uh oh). I decide to take her with me as originally planned to Iguasu Falls, so Don helps me make travel arrangements. 2 days, 1 night at the hotel Cataratas, airplane tickets for both of us, flying thru Sao Paolo. Camilla has never been before, so she's looking forward to it, and though I tell her that of course I will pay her, she refuses saying "I need a vacation too...I'm going with you because I want to go with you". Flattering yes, but I keep Dood's words in the back of my mind "keep it a transaction". It's better to pay with reals, than with your heart.

The day before we are planning on leaving, Don tells me that Camilla is pissed off at me. While in the internet Cafe, I posted my first cabine run with her in explicit detail, figuring distance and anonymity would insure that it wouldn't be a problem. Little did I know that some disgruntled monger named Bill or something from Chicago, who is madly in love with Camilla, would literally cut and paste my full post and email it to Camilla. Unbelievable that someone could player hate from 7,000 miles away and try to fuck up my vacation. It's an uncomfortable phone conversation with Camilla to say the least, but I deny everything. Unfortunately, I've posted details that only she and I could know, so I have a feeling that at some point this is going to blow up in my face. Whatever, we hang up, she's a bit weird, but we keep our plans to go to Iguasu.

We get to the hotel later in the afternoon and check in.



The place is really nice, the ride in is a gorgeous 20 minutes thru the park (the hotel is the only one actually located within the national park) and you can hear the waterfalls rattling the windows of the room. The force of the water is actually so great that you have to jam a little wedge into the window to prevent them from shaking too much and keeping you awake. After checking in, we decide to walk the Brazilian walkways out to the falls (Camilla doesn't like boats, so the boat tour is out, and we don't really have time, nor do I want to spend the loot on a helicopter tour). The falls are immense, and gorgeous.





It feels like you're in Jurassic park or something. The vegetation is so lush, and the force of the falls is so powerful. It's really hard to take in the immensity of it. We walk around for a bit, take a ton of photos (respecting Camillas camera-shyness, and because of the weird posting situation, I don't even ATTEMPT to get a shot of her) and then head back to the hotel to clean up and eat.

As soon as we get back, Camilla starts bringing up the post. She asks me about "Rexxx" and starts trying to deduce who it could be if it's not me. My story was that I told a lot of people at lunch about our exploits, so maybe one of them posted it. She starts to think that maybe it was Don who posted the info, and of course I freak. It's one thing for me to pawn it off on an anonymous monger she can't identify, it's another thing for her to suspect Don. The most important thing Don has is his credibility and relationship with these girls, and there's no way I can allow that to be jeopardized. I finally come out and tell her the truth, I'm really upset, and pissed at this Bill guy for putting me in such a shitty situation on my fucking vacation. Camilla is of course furious, but we talk for a long time, I try to explain that there was no malicious intent and we eventually reach some semblance of resolution. I hop in the shower, and while I'm in there, Camilla finds and starts to flip thru my journal.

She reads about Debra, she reads about herself a bit and she's getting pissed all over again. Luckily my handwriting sucks, and her understanding of English slang is not so hot, but she gleans enough from it to be angry. Shit, this is turning into a fucking soap opera now. I talk to her for a while and calm her down once again, flipping to some of the more positive lovey-dovey shit I've written about her and accentuating the positive. I explain that my diary is my private thoughts, and I shouldn't have to censor my feelings as it's written solely for my use. We sorta make up, but there's still tension, and we head to dinner.

Food's not all that great at the hotel IMHO, and because you're kind of far from everything, there ain't really shit to do. We eat, then head back to the room and watch some TV, cuddle and chat. Things are still a bit strained, but loosening up. I'll keep the rest to myself, again out of respect to Camilla.

Next day, we decide to head to the Argentine side before we have to leave. The views from the other side of the falls are supposed to be stellar, so I find a taxi out front and offer him something like 50 bucks US to be our driver for the day (it's a pretty long haul). We drive to the Argentine side, and suddenly everyone is speaking Spanish. Shit, I've been trying to FORGET my Spanish so I can pick up my Portuguese, so once again, I'm like a blithering idiot when it comes to communicating.

We get to this little train station that takes you to "Devils Throat", which is the center of the falls and a very impressive sight.



the train is a little electric jobber, and it takes you to the start of a walkway where you can stroll out directly over the falls. The views on this side are spectacular and really leaps above and beyond those of the Brazilian side. You are really able to get VERY close to the water on the Argentine side.





All the water is starting to freak Camilla out, lol, she keeps saying "too much agua", haha. So we take our pics, then head back to the taxi to hit the hotel and then off to the airport and back to Rio.

The rest of my trip is kind of a blur since again, I don't have my diary entries to keep track of specifics. We did make a run to Solarium, but I was underwhelmed and didn't find anyone that I wanted to session with. We went to Centaurus and I had a terrible time. It was Sphere and Waters2000 with me on both of these excursions. At Centaurus, the place was jammed with drunk, belligerent brasileiros acting like they were big ballers. I didn't see any talent that was of higher quality than anywhere else, except for one girl, who looked sad and angry. I tried to talk to her, but her vibe was so bad, I bailed. No matter how hot, if the attitude sucks, blow them off. I finally found one cute, petite blonde, called her over and she immediately started making out with me. About 30 seconds later, she asked me if I wanted to go to a cabine with her. Guess what? Since you had to ask in the first minute, the answer is no, take a hike. Kicked this little pro to the curb and wound up not doing anybody. Waste of my admission, yes, but I didn't really want to reward some chick for her bad attitude.

I spent the remainder of my trip in Jace/ the Artist's apartment in Copa. Very nice cobertura (penthouse) with all the amenities and great style. It's even nicer now after his renovations. Had Camilla come over and keep me company a few nights, which was nice, as I wound up catching yet another cold and remained sick for the rest of my stay. The weather stayed shitty and rained the whole time, so I wasn't able to do any of the tourist stuff I wanted to do (Sugarloaf, Corcovado, etc). Oh well, more incentive for another trip.

I did manage to go hang gliding with Deadhead (who had done it on his first trip), Donald (his first time, and he must have smoked a dozen cigars while waiting, lol) and waters2000 (he seemed to be the bravest of the bunch). You go out to Sao Conrado which is a nice, super ritzy enclave in between Ipanema and Barra de Tijuca. You get picked up at the beach by a guy in a truck, give them like 80 bucks US and they take you up this steep as hell, narrow as shit, romancing the stone style back road up to the top of a 2500 foot high cliff over the beach. The whole way up the guy is honking his horn, which we realize is to warn oncoming, downhill traffic. We have several near head-on collisions (keep in mind the cariocas drive like maniacs) and I'm convinced that we're all going to die before we even get a chance to jump and face the REAL danger. We get to the top, and the place is completely socked in with clouds, so we have to wait...and wait...and wait...



waiting is the worst part, as you have all that time to think "gee, I wonder what a fall from half a mile up would feel like?". I continue to chain smoke and pace, while we get strapped into our equipment and ponder our last few minutes on earth. My instructor (you jump tandem)



speaks about 6 words of English, and they are "when I say go, run fast". You are basically strapped into the same kite, suspended beside them. You can't touch the bar or anything else (he uses this for control) you just kind of dangle with one hand on a thin little cord, and the other hand gently resting across the instructors shoulders. He's got a wing mounted camera, so he can snap pictures of you pissing your pants while airborne, lol. I get handed a pink helmet, which only guarantees the complete post-mortem shame I will feel if and when I do fall to my death, and again, we wait for the clouds to break.



there's a little 25 foot long, wooden platform that you wait on and have to run off of to get the speed up to hang glide. The main thing is to just look straight ahead and KEEP running. Without speed, you're not going to get airborne, and again, it's a long way down. Finally, after smoking myself into a stupor, we see some sunlight peek thru. Just then, there's a flurry of activity and shouting as radios and cell phones start going off everywhere. It's the spotters on the ground saying it's okay to jump. Boom, one after another, the kites start taking off. I'm scared shitless, but I don't really have time to fully freak out, as my guy calls me over and straps me in. I watch as Deadhead starts to take off with his instructor. About 10 feet from the edge, Deadhead tangles feet with his instructor and trips. I'm convinced this is the last time I'll see the poor guy as he gets dragged off the lip of the platform and drops, disappearing into the fog. There's a collective wince and moan from all the other instructors, and my guy kind of covers his eyes. Great, my buddy just died, and I'm next. My guy looks at me and says "YOU...NO!", meaning, "hey stupid American guy, please don't do what your buddy just did, trip, fall and get us both killed". Sure bud, no prob, I wanna survive this jump as much as you. Next thing you know, we're running off the platform into the clouds and I'm running, running, running, looking straight ahead as he told me (who wants to look down anyway) when suddenly I realize I'm not running on anything anymore.



The closest I can describe it is that when you first realize you're no longer on the ground, it's almost like you've jumped into ice cold water. You can't fully catch your breath and you're just sort of in a state of semi-shock. After a minute or two of freaking out internally, you suddenly realize how peaceful and free you feel. There's no sound other than the rushing of the wind by your ears, and the views are just spectacular. As scared as I was before, I am SOOOO glad I jumped, and I encourage everyone to do so. Subtle wrist movements by your instructor steer the kite, and it's really about as close as a human can get to how a bird must feel. You circle over the mansions of Sao Conrado, fly over the golf course, circle out a bit over the sea, and then gently land on the beach below.



Looking back on my trip, I had a lot of fun, but I wasted a lot of my time in Rio due to my own paranoia, fear of investigating on my own, and difficulties with the language. The termas are great, but if you only eat at the same handful of restaurants, hit the same haunts every night, and don't make it more than 2 miles outside of Copa, you're kind of doing yourself a disservice. Don's guidework was impeccable, I always felt safe, and informed and it was great meeting up with, and swapping tales with other board members in person. Basically, this first trip allowed me to get my head around Rio somewhat, as again, it's different from everything you've experienced before. While new to the monger scene, I've traveled pretty extensively (about 19 countries at last count) but nothing compares to Rio.

Follow the guidance of your peers on your first trip, but keep an eye out for new experiences and new adventures. Learn the language, study the culture, get to know the people and the country beyond Copa and the pay for play scene. Round out your trip and you'll appreciate the garotas even more.

I've tried to be as frank and honest as I could possibly be, with as much detail as I could remember, or had written down.

Try not to fall in love, and if you do, remember it's a fantasy. If you get any delusions of bringing a girl back with you, think of them like rare birds. They are beautiful in their own environment, but if you were to transplant them elsewhere, they would lose a lot of their beauty and would eventually wither and die (metaphorically speaking I hope, lol). The psychology of the place can fuck your head up a bit, especially if you're overly sensitive and timid as I tend to be with women, so be prepared to be unprepared, heh.

Be ready for bad weather, my trip was rained out more than half the time, and I allowed it to get the better of me, when I shouldn't have. There is more to Brazil than the beach.

Expect to get sick. Bring your favorite meds from home, and take care of yourself, before, during and after your trip. Don't forget to eat, and eat well (you can afford it here) and this will help you stay healthy also.

If it's your first trip, stay close to the scene, in a hotel like the debret, then once you get your bearings, think about an apartment. You can save some money, and the freedom is nice.

This trip completely changed my life, and despite the problems and pratfalls, I learned a lot and had a blast. The people I met there were true gentlemen and scholars, and I value the time I spent with them. The women are unbelievable and have significantly (and maybe dangerously) raised the bar for women in my "real life". I can't wait to get back for trip 3 and expand my horizons even further, and only hope that nothing changes too drastically in this very special place. It's perfect just the way it is, and more than deserves the moniker "A Cidade Maravilhosa". Until next time...

Enjoy the life,

Rexxx

Rexx - Absolutely a terrific report. Since I did a week with Don and crew in September I can relate to everything you wrote. You were very lucky to spend the time with Camilla. I met her 4 or 5 days but we established a brother/sister relationship. She is a terrific girl. I was lucky enough to catch BIA once and she was terrific. I can't say enough good things about Don. After a week he was not only a guide but became a good friend. I would highly recommend his services in RIO. Rexx I'm glad you had a good trip and someday I hope to meet you at Alcazar (Don's Office). Once again GREAT REPORT. Hemp

Rexxx,

Nice report-only it's a few months late. Thanks for the pics of Debra so I can see what I missed.

Great pics of Iguassu. I might have to try that now. I don't think I'll ever have the balls to go hang gliding.

I remember when I met you that you were sick then and I can now relate after my second trip that being sick in Rio SUCKS.

BTW, "kay haygow" = "que legal" = "cool"

Loved the reference material. I heard the speakers in The Artist's place and they rock. I will be picking some up for sure.

And with all the action you were in, no wonder you caught a bit of a cold. Pace yourself man! Kidding....

Hope to bump into you on the streets in Rio. Sounds like a lot of fans are building on this site. Really need to plan a convention of sorts sometime...

Loved the report. Especially enjoyed the lost condom episode.

Enjoyed your report

Great report. Sorry I just kept laughing reading your episode in Iguazu Falls with Camilla. But I agree that guy from Chicago is an asshole. Thanks for sharing your memories.

Rexxx,

Excellent report. You found a lot of details that a lot of other reports missed. Good work.

Your digital camera rocks! I am very impressed by the detail even though these pictures have been shrunk substantially. I am planning to buy the new Olympus 5 megapixel camera before my next trip in Jan-Feb.

Camilla is a great girl but she speaks English. I've found the best way to improve your Portugese is to bring back a garota that only speaks Portugese. That and a dictionary. But it seems like you can speak a little more Portugese than your average gringo. One comment - I think it should be eu sou timido. Just like in Spanish, the verb estar is used for transient things, and ser for more permanent.

I just learned recently that you can buy most drugs in Brazil over the counter without prescription. My last visit, I stocked up on Ambien and Cipro. Another one is Viagra.

Try the seafood side at Marius too. It is
awesome.

How big is the subwoofer on those speakers? Does it take up much room in the brief case.

Great Post and Pictures, my friend

BT

Rexxx, an epic report. Funny as all hell! I specially loved the story of coke in Debra's purse. Great quote "Whew! Never have I been so relieved to be looking at a dildo"!

I also did the hang-gliding thing in San Corrado. Except I did the paragliding instead of hangliding. Your recount of Deadhead "dying" right before your turn is priceless.

You also had some sage tips. Thanks for an excellent report.

Rexxx,

Outstanding Report,
I bet you thought you were back in L.A after that shootout. Glad you weren't hurt

About the condom slippage. It happen to me about several years ago with a girl I used to date. When they know how to ride you like a cowboy, their lips for some reason turns to be a magnet and up it goes into the black hole.

CN

lol, thanks for the kind words guys...I hoped that my absolute honesty would at the very least be entertaining...as much as we'd like this shit to read like a porno screenplay, real life ain't quite that simple...again, sorry it took a while to get this up, and I'm already working on Trip Report 2, so hopefully that one will be a bit more timely...

Hemp, I'm sure you'll see me at Alcazar sooner or later, and I agree, Don was without a doubt one of the coolest, most helpful guys I've ever met...

HC1, lol, I went for the phonetics so everyone would recognize the "how cool!" phrase when they heard it. Just do an overnight in Iguacu, any longer and you'll get bored and yes, getting sick on vacation SUCKS!

BT, the Olympus I have rules, thanks. I'm sure the 5 megapixel is probably unbelievable. With 4 megapixels, the detail I can capture is stunning. I agree that the English speaking chicks are a bit of a turn-off after a while, and the challenge of conversing with a native speaker is part of the charm/ fun. As for the "estou timido", I used the transient, as I was hoping the nervousness/ timidity would pass, lol. Cipro (same name), Ambien (known as Stilnox in Brasil), Viagra, and many other prescription drugs here in the states (including a newly approved erection medication which is similar to viagra, but faster acting, with less of the delayed ejaculation effect...i forget the name, but Don knows it) are available at your local pharmacy in Rio, so do some shopping, heh. I went to Marius seafood side this last trip, and while delicious, I didn't think it held a candle to the Carne side. Just not as many options when they came by the table (lobster was the only thing I was REALLY digging on) and the additional cost wasn't really worth it to me. As for the subwoofer, the whole set up will fit in a backpack. The sub itself is about the size of a pair of shoes.

Alwayscarnaval, it was great meeting you briefly at Alcazar. If a vet like you thinks I offered sage tips, then I can officially retire from the trip reporting business a success, lol. Thanks.

Finally, C-notes, yeah, I thought I took a wrong turn on Avenida Atlantica and wound up on Crenshaw, lol. Glad I wasn't hurt either, thanks.

Again, this site has been a tremendous help to me, and I'm glad to finally be able to give a bit back to the community...

Best,
Rexxx

Rexx:

Great report! About Debra's "Coke", I had the exact opposite happen once when I was teaching English in Brazil (did that for two years). The lesson involved the students acting out typical "situations" speaking English - in this case a restaurant. So the petite shy little blond that me and all the male students in my class had spent weeks dreaming about poudly shows off her English: "Can I have a large Cock, please?" I had to walk out of the room for a moment to avoid getting fired.... ;-)

If it's any consulation, "pennies" in English is exactly how you pronounce penis in Portuguese, and "pine wood" in Portuguese is pronounced "pee-NUS", both have been a source of much merriment (and confusion) for my Brazilian wife during her first years here in the States. The first time she went to Home Depot looking for an "veeery beeeg" pine-wood plank for some shelving had the salesguy turning red and me laughing my head off!

Abraco,

BS

Rexxx- Excellent report bro...LMAO!! "nao entrada" God that is funny!...I had forgotten some of the good parts so thanks for taking notes....it was truly a life changing experience hanging with Don and you guys. I am heading back for trip #3 in Jan. I have fallen in love with the place. Hope to see you there again soon. Iggy

Great report, and nice photos. Thanks.

Moondog

I'm just starting to plan my first trip to Rio and as a frist timer newbie I found your report to be the most informative and tongue in cheek honest I've read.
Thanx for the great info.

Rexxx,

Ah, the memories. Cool report.

Iggy,

When are you going to be there?

Hey Sphere,

I'll be in Rio on the 20th thru 29th. Iggy

Rexx:

Fantastic and detailed reporting - very much enjoyed reading about your trip - got a good laugh out of the above mentioned humorous points.

The pictures of Iguassu falls are beautiful and will plan a side trip there.

Rexxx:

I finally got around to reading ALL of your report - it's even better the second time around, defintely a trip report of the year nominee! Coupla questions and observations:

What happened to Deadhead after going off the rampa at Pepino? I assume they stalled, dropped a few hundred feet and recovered, with a few brown stains...

Sorry you got the monger flu. Next time maybe preventative massive doses of Vitamin C.

I commend you on you're efforts to learn Portuguese and live some of Brazil outside of Copa and the Termas. The "full experience" can be life-altering, as you found out.

A language note, portuguese, like most romance languages, has masculine and feminine tenses for adjectives, that have to agree with the masculine or feminine noun. Basically, anything that ends in "o" is masculine, anything that ends in "a" is feminine. For instance, "thank you" - "obrigado" literally means "I am obligated" (obligated is the adjective). However, if you are a man saying it, it's "obrigado" and if you're a woman, it's "obrigada." So your dupla girls may have been smiling at you when you said "estou nervosA", as you reported - you said you were a nervous girl. No big deal, but since you are trying to improve your portuguese, I thought I'd play teacher a bit.


When are you going down to Rio again?

Abraco,

BS

I'm happy to report that Deadhead is alive and well, and still mongering, lol...poor guy had a helluva run that trip, with his near death experience off the hang glider ramp, and an unfortunate mugging incident on his way back from Help...he's a tough one though, and hasn't allowed either experience to discourage his jaunts down south, heh...

Regarding the monger-flu, I was taking 1000 mg. of C a day, both prior to, and during my trip, and once sick, I even took some Emergen-C megadose packets that I had brought, but to no avail. The combined factors of the long flight, lack of sleep, change in habits, exposure to new virii, etc etc. was just too much for this nervous girl to handle, lol...when the girls would tell me I was different from the other guys, I didn't realize it was because I was painting myself as a timid little lady, haha...

As for seeing some of the "non-monger" elements of Rio, my next trip report covering my trip in December, while not nearly as detailed (I neglected to keep a diary this time) contains a lot more "regular" scene places like Shenanigans, Nuth, Baronet, etc...termas are fun, but not the end-all-be-all of Rio I found out...

Rexxx,
Goddamn it was nice to see some pics of Debra from MC. What a loss! I spent an absolutely unforgettable 2 hours with her (paid for 45 minutes), and I'll never be the same ;-)

Sorry "Bill de Chicago" screwed you over with Camila. Funny thing is, Camila thinks he's a jerk for ratting out other guys.

Great report! Can't wait until I return later this month. With the cheap airfares available, I picked up several tickets in the last couple of weeks.

I had fun at Shenanigan's also and there are some fun 'normal' places in town for a vacationer to go to. However, termas ARE the end-all-be-all of Rio.

Rexxx:
While in Rio last month, I took a hang gliding flight. I actually started pumping my arms like a bird to get a better idea of what a bird feels like, of course we got a lot more height doing so ":+) Cool instructors, american prices though ($80 USD). After your flight, they'll buy you a drink and shoot the shit (converse)with you half hour or so, til it's time for your ride back. If you're in a hurry they'll pay for your taxi.
The instructors have many years experience, the one I went with is a national champion.

Great report!! Although you mentioned you wantd to lose weight, but then stated you weigh 200lbs...humm..I weigh 210lbs, but I have a 30 inch waist..so I hope I don't feel too awkward looking in the mirror at LUOMO

yeah, I'm my ideal weight, if I were a foot taller, lol...nah, I'm actually about 20 lbs over weight, but for me, there was just a little something that spoiled the fantasy when I looked in the mirror and saw even a bit of a gut staring back at me, heh...Thanks for sharing your weight and measurements though, as a superhero, you've got a bit more incentive to stay in shape than most, lol...

LOL..you got that right..on to the batcave!!!