Just Nodding Off
(A dream I recently had)

Wow…you guys will NOT believe the dream I just had. I mean, I have had dreams before-never wet ones, unfortunately, even as a teen-but nothing this realistic! In fact, I swear I can still smell the food stands, the ocean air, the B.O. on Soi 3 in Bangkok & the sweet fragrance dancing closely to Go-Go girls on Walking Street.

But the dream was soooo much more. I remember the grueling flight. The lousy United Airlines Food & the very good Thai Airlines food. I guess I am losing it. Slightly demented I have always been, but this is truly over the edge, border line crazy….

I have thought about this long and hard, and have at last decided to let you…dear board members…in on my “dream of a lifetime”….
My dream started one morning at 3AM…actually 2 as in my dream I couldn’t sleep anyway so just went ahead & got up. Made another mental check of all my long packed luggage & fired up a pot of coffee.
(Starbucks Pure Columbian, has a bit of a kick, ya know?)

I knew the flight was not leaving until 6AM, and I couldn’t even check in until 5, but it is 45 minutes to the airport on this Saturday morning, and this is one (dream) flight I have no intention of missing. Sleep? Hell, I’ll sleep when I die.

My prework included getting from my Doctor:

1). Adult Vitamins “C” Variety-brought 12 of the big assed ones, just in case
2). Script of Cipro, per advice from this very board-in case of the inevitable “Attack of the Liquid Sunshine”
3). Started taking “airborne” supplement a week out-many colds or minor ills I’ve gotten was after a plane ride with a bunch of sick sons-of-bitches who didn’t care if they coughed all over every other passenger on board. Stuff seems to work. I didn’t have as much as a sniffle the whole time in Thailand
4). Dr made me take a script of Malaria medicine, (just in case). Big assed pills that would choke a 500 Baht Freelancer
5). Printed up a $ to Baht conversion sheet. Pared down to pocket size & had two laminated at local Staples store. Cost me less than $2 and I ALWAYS knew what I was paying. Go to Oanda.com & print you out a “cheat sheet”.

(You would think in my own damn dream that I could at worst get a mid morning direct flight, right)? Well, hell no. I have a couple hours to Chicago-where it is 28 degrees according to the early morning dream weather channel-followed by 12 hours to Narita, Japan. After a sizeable layover at each, my plane touches down in Bangkok at 1145PM after a 13 hour time zone adjustment.

The drive to the airport is cake piece easy. I remember to write down my parking spot in long term, knowing the fee for 14 days is gonna kick my ass when I come back, but I didn’t think in my dream to ask someone to get up at 4AM and drive my horny ass to the airport…catch the shuttle to the terminal, and there is a vibration as the driver revs, then shifts, revs then shifts…I start getting a fucking erection thinking about the fun to come coupled with the vibration and think how much money I’ve blown on Adult Vitamins (the “C” type) wondering if I may not need them after all.

Check baggage, get on board…blah blah blah…how many times have I gone through this routine? Hundreds? A thousand? Yeah, but never to LOS… I brighten at the prospect.

Crap food & service on the way to Chi-Town. Got my customary Aisle seat. Refuse to sit in the center, and usually get a 300# Yugoslavian woman in the center seat if I get a window… I luck out and get a cute blonde in center, but I ain’t interested in blondes right now. My eyes & thoughts are on dark hair, dark eyes, and dark skin….I smile & start “Stephen Kings The Stand” light reading at 1141 pages that should get me through the aggregate 54 hours of trip time…

Flight to Illinois goes off without a hitch. A bit of a nip in the air, my light jacket comes in handy. I will not need it again for two weeks, so it gets stuffed in my Wenger backpack to use on return.

Short layover allows me to get some REAL food to load up for the overseas section of my dream-flight. Chicago has some good little greasy spoon stalls if you can find them. Bacon, Eggs, Toast & Coffee hit the spot. We board a bit before noon CTD & I’m still wired to the gills. Visions of smiles & chants of “Handsom Man” dance in my head.

Nothing much to report except Stephen King is one fucked up personality, until about 4 hours in. At that point I decide to launch an Ambien I asked my Dr for, (through advice on this very board), and kick back in my seat.

NOTE: I like the bulkhead for long flights. That’s the seats mid plane that cinch up against the back of the restrooms. No one sitting in front, more legroom than either economy or business, and you can put your feet on the wall to stretch. And believe me, I must have been laying wrong for this part of the dream, because I had to stretch my thighs and calves several times crossing the Pacific.

In actuality, the flight went through Canada, south of Anchorage, over the Baring Sea then down to Tokyo…

Finally land at Narita. What a boring assed airport. Maybe the worst I’ve ever seen? Not dirty, just barren with nothing to do. (I’ve quit travelling extensively for work, and my Platinum level at United has long since been downgraded to basic low life traveler-I don’t want to waste valuable Baht on the Red Silk Lounge or whatever), so I am stuck with a few hour layover, a coming and going hard on, and nothing to do…

Back to Mr King & the giant book…

At long last we board for Bangkok on Thai Air. Now we’re talking! Pretty stewardesses & good food. I can deal with this for another 5 or so hours…(this dream is starting to get better)…
Land in the LOS. I am finally here, even in dreamscape, I first started dreaming of this trip close to 5 years ago…

BAHT-ULISM ALERT!!

I cashed in $400 U.S. at the currency exchange booth just before Immigration, (or was it just after? Not sure, this is where the dream gets cloudy), & got a 33.97 exchange rate. Hmmmm, that’s not what Oanda said it was worth today before I left… (Yesterday? Fuck, I don’t know what the time is now)….

Lesson Learned: Exchange enough to get you to your hotel or to the next day, but don’t cash in a shit load of dollars at the airport. The rate is not as good as it is at ANY exchange booth in BKK, Pattaya, or Phuket…

Immigration at the Bangkok airport was a breeze. Although there were literally hundreds of us, even at 1145PM, there were probably 10 desks open. (They have separate for foreigners & locals, obviously the locals get it easier)…. Took maybe 20 minutes to work through, no hassles at all, and then I was faced with…

The Taxi Squad!

My God, everybody and their fucking brother is trying to get you to ride “their” cab, or van, or ski boat, skate board….

Pass them ALL by and head to gate 10. Find the metered taxi & tell them your location. Cost me 800 Baht from Airport to Soi 4 Dawin Hotel.

BAHT-ULISM ALERT!!

When I came back through BKK returning from Phuket, the only place I wanted to see was Pattaya. (You’ll understand later when I tell you why).

Meter girl said, “1500 Baht to Pattaya”. “OH, that too many Baht”, I thought what the hell…. She said, “How much you pay?” I asked, short time or long time? Even though she was kinda homely…(No, not really…I said 1300), she says OK, you pay toll (She may have not said “Toll” but that was the meaning)…

So…bargain EVEN at gate 10 metered taxi. Hell, 200 Baht is two ladies drinks in a Pattaya Go-Go…

Gentlemen…I am in Bangkok.

Taking in all the sights on the ride to the hotel. Drive down Soi 4 past the Nana Plaza & my little Toy is talking to me now….(Hurry up damn it, get a shower & get the hell back up the street)…

I check in at the Dawin, and am very pleasantly surprised with my hotel. Small, boutique type. Outstanding service all 3 days here. Spit polish clean. Very good restaurant…

(Next Chapter….On to NANA!!!)

800 baht to soi 4 in Bangkok? Or Pattaya?
If Bangkok the ride is 280 baht plus 70 baht tolls. I know because I have just done that trip twice last month.