I wake up to Godfather knocking on my bedroom door. “Your crazy bitch is back.” What the hell does she want? We never found out. That pissed me off. Godfather rarely gets a good night sleep and he was awakened from one by this psycho bitch.

Oh, well. We’re both up now so we start making plans. Sandman hits town today. Oh, boy. I finally get to meet this dude. Godfather knew him only through e-mail until this point. UWPhoto sings his praises like a Southern Baptist Choir. I respect both of their opinions so I’m a little excited to meet this dude.

We meet up for lunch at what we refer to as Ground Zero, Alcazar. Here is where the other guys come in. Sandman is there with MitchC, SF4DFish, Drew, and this guy I will call No Cash. Because that’s how he came to Rio de Janeiro. With NO CASH. Hey, live and learn. Sandman turns out to be the class act his rep states. He picked up this guy at an ATM because No Cash didn’t know his PIN number. No Cash, you got REALLY lucky. Of all the groups to hook up with in Rio, you couldn’t have found a better group of guys. We work it out so that No Cash charges some meals and we give him cash. Copacetic

We hit L’uomo. I shall call this place “Kick Stand Mecca”. We walk in and the selection is just as good as it was the night before. I think to myself since I didn’t get to finish my Blonde Ambition Tour here because of the calf foliage, I would reinstate the Tour with a different selection. If I remember correctly, this is when I ran into Seaman. We had been talking for a little bit and we had to the subject of my friend who is coming in on the Dec. 31st. He responds “Wait. I have a friend coming in the same day.” Sure enough, he knows UWPhoto. That dude gets around. We introduce ourselves by screen names and real names. I then start looking around and I see my next stop on the Blonde Ambition Tour.

Shayla.

Seaman had seen her before and highly recommended her. I had just met this guy but I like his taste in women. I had been watching this girl move everytime I set foot in L’uomo. She had to be about 5 foot 8 inches tall. Blonde hair with long extensions. Blue eyes. And an incredible body that made me think of a tribe of Amazonian warrior women running toward me in leather bikinis saying to me “We need a big chocolate injection for our tribe to survive.”

And we all know, I’m no fan of genocide, right?

So, Shayla and I go to a room to save her tribe. Seaman’s recommendation was well deserved. Her body was amazing. Everything was toned. And she had lots of energy. We end up dancing in the room before the phone. This was, of course, AFTER we have saved her tribe with enough chocolate to last until Armageddon. Or the next time, I saw her. Whichever came first. She was a lot of fun to be with. I’ll see her again.

I meet up with the fellas and we go get food at Marius. Awesome place. Seafood Rodizio. Freakin’ Genius whoever thought that up.

We have a great dinner and decide to go back to L’uomo. Hell, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Sandman, being the smooth operator he is, negotiates no entry fee for us since we just left to get food. Godfather and Sandman pull a switcheroo with each others previous conquests. Drew hooks up with Shayla.

I decide to get a massage. I'm a little full from dinner so I'm not really interested in seeing anyone right now.

So, I chill.

Now comes the SCARY part of my tale:
I'm with the guys in the bar. MitchC is there. We start talking about the massage. I tell him how great it is and he’s interested. Never had one before. He goes to get one.

I hang out for a little while and some of the other guys come back. Seaman, Sandman, Drew and I are shooting the shit. Some taps my shoulder. I turn around and it’s Jack the Masseuse. She tells me that she can’t wake my friend. I’m thinking it is Godfather having a problem with his sleeping pills. Then I remember he’s in a session.

I follow Jack to the back and she slides the door open. I turn the corner and step in.

Now, all I was trying to do was help out one of my buds. I wasn’t doing ANYTHING wrong. Just being a nice guy. This’ll teach me.

I turn the corner and step in the room. The HORROR that awaited me kept me from sleeping alone for the next two nights! Dear Lord, help my eyes!! There was MitchC, BUTT NAKED on the massage table. I jumped out of the room as quickly as possible. I hope she didn’t expect me to TOUCH him anywhere in order to wake him up.

From outside of the massage room, I can see MitchC’s feet. So I hold on to the door frame, lean a little into the room, and kick his feet while yelling his name. There are people in the relax wondering “what in the hell is that good-looking black man doing?” I finally wake MitchC up. I quickly rush into the bar to fill my mind’s eye with scantily clad beauties and pray that my retinas will heal properly.

The other guys have a good laugh about it. I’m trying to wash my eyes out with Vodka..

We decide to go to Help because it’s about 12am now. I’m not really feeling Help tonight because of the psycho bitch incident from the night before. I’ve had a very good lay today so I didn’t really need to go. I went with the fellas anyway, just to hang.

Godfather says “Well, I probably won’t pick up anything at Help. I’ve done 2 today. This time, I’M SERIOUS.” Yeah, right. Anytime he says that, just get ready to be surprised. He said that earlier, “I don’t think I’m going to pick anyone at L’uomo this time. I’m a little tired. No, I mean it. This time I’M SERIOUS.” 10 minutes later, the sneaky bastard is headed upstairs with two ladies in tow.

Godfather, you can put your “I’M SERIOUS” in a sack!

Needless to say, Godfather leaves help with another hottie. Everyone went home with something from help. Except me.

No biggie.

Tomorrow, I’m on a mission.

Why? L’uomo is having a New Year’s eve party. They will be serving food. There will be no reason for us to leave.

It’s on.

Okay. I just noticed that I gave this the wrong date for a title. It should be Sunday, Dec. 29.

You know what the hell I meant.

Kick Stand

Holy crap. Funny stuff. You guys had to be there to experience all of this. Yeah, so I say, "I'm serious..no more sessions" frequently only to pull another session but I just can't help it. What would you all do? Yeah, exactly! You only live once right? I feel that if "Lil Spike" hasn't fallen off yet in South America he won't.

That day at Luomo was particulary funny. I had just finished up a session with one of the hotties. I can't even remember who. It was later around midnight. All of them are laughing their asses off. Kick Stand tells me the story about Mitch falling asleep. The funniest part was when I asked Mitch about it and Mitch had no clue what just occurred. He looked dazed and confused...ha, ha. Gotta love it. Mitch is a good guy and I wish he had more days to spend in Rio with us.

The most ironic thing was when Mitch said this was one of his longer trips and I think he said he was only there 3-4 days.

Man Rio was fun. I'd have had fun alone but it was 100 times more fun with all of the guys. We had a good line up. I haven't even made it back into the office yet. My secretary was fielding my voicemails and I still managed to have about 79 of them. Yikes. The scariest thing is I already was checking out prices to go back to South America. Pray for me.

However, I will be back there next week (1/31) for another three nights. I just hope the terma whores aren't as mortified as Kickstand was when they see me naked. That would make for a long weekend. I don't know why people can't understand the long weekend-combat style short trips. You only have to miss one (maybe two) days of work and every third plane ticket is free if you can do it right. It also severely trims down on the amount of voice mails to be fielded.

Re-entry if free...if not, it ought to be...and so agreed Sandra at Luomo. Never hurts to ask. as Yogi Berra once said. "You will not hit 100% of the pitches you don't swing at....!!!"

That was a fun day and night guys. The best is yet to come....Millenium party! My report is finished and I plan to drown Hombre in photos...he he. Boy needs more to do huh?

Mitch, I am so glad you let us coerce you (yeah right) into staying another day. the massage incident was one of those...priceless...moments!