Some recollections (mostly true) from 10 days in Rio

Weather: Cloudy, then sunny, then cloudy, then rain rain rain and flooded streets (and wet mongers scurrying for the shelter of 4X4), followed by more rain, some sun, and ending with four perfect beach days. In Rio, if you don’t like the weather, wait a day.

Shit Flingers: Caught my first shit flinger in the act. I was walking with CG and a Rio newcomer (first full day in town) along Av. Atlântica when I saw the guy out of the corner of my eye nailing the new guy’s nice white tennis shoes. I yelled at him and he scurried off like a cockroach. Of course, a few steps ahead we were approached by his partner with his shoeshine kit. I told him to go fuck himself in proper street Portuguese. Fortunately, the “shit” was easily removed with toilet paper and did not leave a stain. I wish I’d had some pepper spray.

The Termas: I only went to four—4X4, L’uomo, Solarium and Monte Carlo. All of them had plenty of good options to choose from, and there were many new girls in all the places. Of course, the girls also move from place to place. Up until my last night, Cassandra (sister of Jennifer, formerly of 4X4) was at L’uomo, where she’s been for awhile, but on my last night she was working at Monte Carlo. L’uomo seemed especially strong this time, and Solarium was probably the weakest of the group, but still solid.

Best and Worst: Best fuck of the week goes to Lais of Monte Carlo and runner-up award to Thais of Solarium. Worst fuck of the week, without a doubt, goes to Karen of 4X4. Avoid this one, guys! She’s a darling morena spinner who comes on hot in the boite but is lifeless in the cabine. She says she loves to give blow jobs but then acts as though she’s allergic to dick. And sex had to be either missionary or “de quatro” because she’s too lazy to do any work herself. When I called a premature end to the session because I was bored stiff she demanded I give her a present. She wanted the vibrator I had. And went on and on for 5 minutes, with me saying no and her repeatedly begging. I finally told that presents are given, not requested, and that I would give her one present—my advice that she find a different line of work or get a personality transplant.

Help, Part I: I was there for closing night. I hadn’t been in since that fateful night in 2005 when CG pulled the lunatic Paulista who tore his apartment apart and tried to stab him with a piece of broken door jam. I talked CG into going in with me—he was justifiably reluctant—and we were joined by other friends, including kjtrav and Jag. The place was less crowded than I’d ever seen it. Out front there were bunches of TV crews with cameras as well as reporters. Half of the GdPs ran away like roaches hit with a spotlight while the other half flocked to the cameras like moths to a flame. The guys out front did pretty much the same thing. One big group of American guys went into a full sprint out of the Terraço when the cameras arrived. Of course, as everyone knows, closing night was not closing night. The next closing night is Nov. 14th or 15th. I’m not sure when the next closing night after that one will be. CG and I were bored to tears in the place and bolted after having our pictures taken with the Help sign in the background. KJ suggested that CG climb out on the catwalk in front of the Help sign for a really great shot. CG considered it. He figured he’d be caught and banned for life from entering Help. Given that he had no plans to ever go back inside, that was not a deterrent. But the thought of those large Help bouncers kicking his ass all the way down the stairs and out the front door was.

Help, Part II: Everyone knows you don’t grab two Help GdPs and take them back to your apartment, right? Only a fucking moron would do so. It turns out my neighbor for one night was just such a fucking moron. I came out of my apartment one morning and overheard some of the residents talking in angry tones about gringos and police. Later I ran into my landlord, who filled me in one the situation. It seems that my across the hall neighbor, a NYC cop, had gone to Help the evening before and come home with two Help putas at about 2 a.m. At around 4 things got wild, when the aforementioned cop came stumbling out into the lobby area, completely nude, chasing the putas. It seems they had slipped him a “Boa Noite Cinderella” pill, robbed him of US$6000 (which the dumb fuck had in his pants pocket), and started to leave. My neighbor came to, somewhat, realized what was happening, and went in pursuit of the girls, who got in the elevator and headed out. My neighbor, completely nude, stumbled dowstairs and almost caught them coming out of the elevator. In the tussle the door to the elevator got complete torn off, and the porteiro’s phone got smashed. The girls got away, and my neighbor ended up at the police station. Interestingly, his roommate, another NYC cop, slept through the whole thing. Both were out of the apartment after that one night. Good riddance!

Whaling: CG and I were at the beach one particularly nice day when two girls arrived and parked next to us. One was an absolute stunner—probably one of the hottest girls I saw all week—and the other was as grotesquely fat a woman as I’ve ever seen in Rio. We speculated on whether the fat one was there to scare off guys interested in her hot friend or whether the hottie was supposed to be the bait to draw some unsuspecting guy into the porker’s trap. At one point while I was out swimming the porker signaled to CG that he should go out into the water. He was planning to anyway, so when I came in he jumped up and headed out. As soon as he did, the behemoth got up and followed him in, and in doing so displaced enough water to cause a tsunami in Africa. She chatted with CG and at one point asked if he was cold. CG tactfully replied that he was a bit cold because he didn’t have any fat! Moments later, a Japanese whaling vessel harpooned the girl, and that was the last we saw of her.

Churrasco: Every trip to Rio has many highlights. On the Dia dos Mortos holiday CG and I were invited to a churrasco party at the Tijuca home of the sister of one of my old 4X4 favoritas. It was a total blast. We knew we were in for a good time when the husband of the hostess arrived at the same time as us with 30 of the large bottles of beer, which were put on ice. Those were followed by even more bottles of beer. Then the churrasco got fired up and the guy cooking started bringing plate after plate of meat around—picanha, sausage, and other goodies, as well as barbecued cheese, and all the trimmings. We ate and drank for hours, and then the dancing commenced. The girls had clearly spent time studying the baile funk moves, and knew all the “garota melancia” moves along with the “dança de garrafa” routine. The girls tried and failed to teach me any of the dances. I explained that pale American male asses can’t move in all those directions, but they didn’t believe me. I was queried long and hard about American women and why they don’t seem to like to fuck as much as Brasilian women. I had few satisfactory answers, but the brasileiras were all happy to confirm that they fuck better than American women. We left about 7 hours after we arrived, completely hammered and happy. Brasilians do know how to party.

Good Company: There are a lot of reasons why we Rio regulars have become regulars. No other mongering location has beaches that compare. I would argue that the women are unmatched as well. But we also come back to see one another. Many hours were spent on the beach, at the Terraço, at restaurants, or at the “office” chatting with one another. In addition to CG I had the pleasure of visiting with Bluestraveler, Jaguar, kjtrav, SFHombre, KeeMo, TermasTim, AndrewAAB, Don, Ken, and many others. Thanks to all who made this trip an especially enjoyable one! Especially Lais ;-)

The other night SportoLingo contacted me at 6am from the Miami airport. Apparently he and a bottle of Johnny Walker had battled it out during the flight home? Whatever the case, nothing beats waking up to the contented smirk of an oversexed gringo (Now I FINALLY know how so many HELP garotas must feel! :rolleyes: )

And speaking of oversexed gringos, thanks for the update. And a special thanks for not mentioning anything about your new rashes.

Sincerely,
DonGrumpo

Bwana,

Sounds like a great time!! Lol, you had me in stitches a couple times with your report, the NYC cop...Bwaahh!! I have to ask a couple questions though. Is it legal and advisable to use pepper spray on a shit slinger? Who were you looking to spray, the slinger or the shiner?

Is Lais of MC the same Lais that used to be on Karla Models website?

Lastly, what do the initials CG stand for?

Thanks,

SK

SK-

Who knows what the legality of pepper spray use is in Rio? We'll have to check in with Jag for an answer on that one. As far as who to spray...spray 'em all. They work in teams.

Different Lais...

CG = CortoGringo = SportoLingo = Partner in Crime

DonGrumpo-

The rashes are clearing up nicely, thanks.

Legality in brazil means getting away with it.... if you spray someone, I would probably suggest just getting the hell away.

This last weekend was an interesting one in Rio - Hot as hell!! Beach packed.... there was a group of about 20 favela guys robbing and running on the beach. Plus I saw on Globo this morning that they found a small bomb on the beach that they detonated.

Regarding your comment that everyone knows you don’t grab two Help GDPs and take them back to your apartment. Sometimes even one is enough trouble for two. In the another building my friends lives the condo assocation published rules for the new years parties that are getting ever closer - one of the rules and requests make in that flyer state "Avoid scandals with GDP's in the main hallways and public areas". Certainly seems that this is rather common....

I think some of us are drawn to Rio for exactly all this craziness....like the idiot street bum in Ipanema that likes to run out into the street to dodge buses...

Just when I think I have seen it all, I have not.

When I go to the US to visit it all seems so tame and boring now....with the exception of road rage which just seems to be so much worse in the US, not sure why. Cut somebody off in Brazil and it is nothing - rather common - in the US the idiot will follow you 50 miles and pull alongside to shoot the finger at you 10 times until he feels better. Very strange to me...

LM,

That was you ? Jesus, I'm sorry I chased you for 48 miles, not 50, then gave you the finger. Up here in Philly they just pull out a gun and take a shot at you.

Jag

...and they talk about Rio being dangerous....make the wrong turn into a wrong neighborhood in the US and you could be trouble. A couple of days ago there was some hoodlum from the US in the Balcony, what an aggressive asshole! He got jealous when I talked to a girl I have known for about 5 years - she said 'Hi' to me when she saw me and all I did was respond. Kinda off topic, but in Rio almost any situation can be defused with a smile, "sorry", and a thumbs-up.... not sure why people seem so much more aggressive and unforgiving in the US.

LM states: "not sure why people seem so much more aggressive and unforgiving in the US...."

This thread gives me a raging clue: pent-up testosterone.

(Message edited by copperfieldkid on November 10, 2009)

What is a shit flinger please?

Sobe9ball,

they are guys, working alone or with others, that 'fling' whatever nasty crap they can scrape up onto your shoe. Then, they hit you up for an expensive shoe shine, or worse yet, mug you while they have you stationary. BTY, their accuracy is very good!

Wow, times are tough in RIO I see. I guess people are wearing alot of sandals in the day to hose off their feet. Never heard of that before but I guess that you gotta keep moving in Brazil. lol

The Shit Flingers have been around forever. Times aren't tough in Rio--the economy there is booming. But there are always some assholes with zero marketable skills looking for easy money.

Wearing flip-flops is the best way to discourage these filhos das putas. If you come to Rio, do not wear white tennis shoes around Copacabana. You might as well wear a t-shirt that says "Shit Flinger Target."

Oh, another random recollection.

I always do some music shopping while in Rio. Picked up some new CDs by Seu Jorge ("América Brasil") and Ana Carolina ("Nove"). both excellent. While looking around Modern Sound on Barata Ribeiro, CG and I noticed some stunningly high prices on import items. A couple of months ago I bought some cheap Sennheiser earbuds to use around Rio. I didn't relish the idea of getting my $300 Shure earbuds stolen, so I bought some serviceable Sennheisers on Amazon.com for about $16. While looking around Modern Sound we saw the same earbuds on a rack, going for R$330 (or just over $190!!!!!). We also saw the Beatles remastered mono box set, which sells for $240 in the States, going for R$1300 (or $760)!!!! What's really amazing is that someone in Rio is actually paying those prices.

Well, just feel lucky if you were NOT in Rio today... there was a massive state and city wide power outage! Power was out in the entire state of Rio, into Sao Paulo, for about 2 or so hours!

As Bwana's comments above - Thank you Brazil government for making things sooooo expensive through taxes that I am able to pay for many of my trips by bringing things back to Brazil to sell! Low dollar + High taxes on items already been sold in Brazil = profit on imported smuggled goods that you can get through customs (which is getting more difficult, by the way!)

The downside? Customs is getting smarter...that part is not so good! I hate those fucking X-Ray machines :-)

When the lights went out today, Lucy's stupid boss thought he forgot to pay the electric bill, so he ran over the the nearest lottery office and coughed up some reais. Hey, just think about that for a moment--maybe the electric company pulled the plug to get more revenue. Be interesting to see if others did the same as Lucy's boss.

Jag

I have have not forgotten the shit flingers and I will get even one day. bastards

I gotta agree with you Bwana Dik, the Rio girls are unmatched and the mongering community superb.

Thanks for the report.

wow i am new to the mongering and my first trip to Rio will be in January. Do you recommend i take a friend with me or is it ok for me to go alone? i have been reading the trip reports and advice and i am learning alot of what to do and what not to do. All i want to do is go and screw women. Nothing too wild. Maybe some site seeing also.

thanks

Traveling with a good friend is great fun, and can help pass the time between fucking. Even the horniest CH monger can't fuck 24/7, so having someone to hang with at the beach, at meals, or while out doing the tourist thing is good. It's also a good strategy from a safety point of view.

You can certainly do Rio solo, but most guys I know enjoy the experience more when friends are also part of the equation.

Enjoy the first trip. Odds are it won't be the last