Subtopic	Posts		Updated
	Archive 01	50		2001/07/19, 10:39 pm
	Archive 02	50		2002/06/30, 09:41 am
	Archive 03	50		2002/07/11, 08:29 pm

There once was a man named Milky
Who loved to part lips oh so silky;
He went to a disco,
and unclenched his fisto,
Only to watch his poor pecker go wilty

My chica's cunt needed smoothing,
So I used my frontal toothing
To bite the scabs in her cooze
And let the pus ooze;
Now our fucking is oh so soothing.

A Going for the Gross Original Award kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

The grossest limerick I've ever heard: (no, I didn't write this one... off topic as well)

There was an old maid from Azores,
Whose cunt was all covered in sores.
And dogs on the street
Used to sniff the green meat
That hung in festoons from her drawers.

Getting back on topic:

He insulted a chica named Mel
And reneged on his payment as well.
So with great savoir-faire
She stood up on a chair
And she pissed in his Penafiel.

This one could be an ad for the VIP theater in Zona Rio: (credit here is also not mine)

The new cinematic emporium
Is not just a super-sensorium,
But a highly effectual
Heterosexual
Mutual masturbatorium.

For the limerick fans who only speak Spanish:

Tengo una Kinkle chica favorita.
Pero es ella una senorita?
Ella es no hermosa,
Con cara Sammy Sosa,
Y en su pantalones: Chiquita!

! - banana trademark

English version:

I have a favorite Kinkle chick.
Did I make the wrong gender pick?
Her looks are a disgrace
With that Sammy Sosa face,
And in her pants is a dick.

A Bilingual kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

A dulcet-voiced chica in bed,
Is cultured, well-spoken, well-bred…
She’s achieved some renown
For her tone going down -
There's a nice civil tongue in her head.

My chica has gold rings and the lot
Adorning the folds of her twat
My tool, once quite hard
Is now wimpy and scarred…
From all that gold-digging I rot.

A chica with a terrible stutter,
In bed was once heard to utter—
She was hungry and said:
“would you PLEASE pass the bread,
and the b-b-b-b-b-b-butter?”

Stolen, modified, mangled, folded, spindled and mutilated
By =Dogster=

He thought that he'd found a new wrinkle
At that infamous bar called the Kinkle.
"What might alter my mind
To make Kinkle-ites look fine?
The answer...just one good stiff drink'll!"

Hey, call it poetic license!

I know a loser who gives tours
but once in the bar he is always shown the doors
he is one sad fuck
always down on his luck
and now he can't even pay for whores


Can you guess who this pathetic loser is ?

I had a gay buddy that took it in the ass
When I offered to give he said I'll pass
for months my heart was broke
I say this and its no joke
But later he confessed that day he had gas

She's the pride of the Mexican nation,
Quite well skilled in the art of fellation.
And for twenty bucks more,
You can have her back door,
Ten more for prostate stimulation.

(okay, so that's not everyone's cup of tea...)

In response to Milky's limerick...

His tours never have any takers
Those who go on them all must be fakers.
And just who is this dude?
I don't mean to be crude
But I think that his handle is... Milkman!!

LOLOLOLOLOL

A tribute to Farsider, who, with his quick wit and wry sense of humor, makes this thread what it is:

Tense, Farsider needs to get unwound
In a flash, to Mexico he's bound;
Upon crossing the border
He places his order
"Yo quiro tacos, sold by the pound"

Ok...I confess to never having been to Mexico, but it's a start...

And since Dogster has been a CH bard of prolific proportions:

Young Juicy Lucy,
Woke up feelin' loosy,
and stumbled to sit on the throne;

When, groggy, she sat down,
King Dogster donned his crown,
and gave her a bone of his own.


With a liberal loan from the old mother hubbard classic...

DG... I assure you, when I go to Mexico, it ain't for the tacos. LOL... anyway, here's my attempt at a bilingual limerick (well, sort of):

I met a street girl from Oaxaca
Era muy bonita y flaca.
I came in a torrent
In a room most abhorrent
That was reeking of urine and ka-ka.

(if that doesn't make me lose my appetite for tacos, nothing will)

An ode to the poet laureate:

The well traversed path up inside her
Reeked of fermenting applecider;
When from the countless beads,
Sown by "Johnny Appleseeds",
Did sprout a young sap named "Farsider"

Sire FS:
If satire doth be the most sincere form of flattery, then truly this day, both you and your lineage have been well honored.

(or else I must stop drinking and scribing)

There once was a monger Dongringo
Who was skilled in the limerick lingo;
Though he happened to say
He'd never been to TJ,
His tribute to Farsider was Bingo!

A The talent in this thread is just amazing kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

For you DATY fans:

I once vacationed in Korea
And met a young girl named Maria;
Her twat tasted funny;
"What is that, my honey?"
I gagged when she said "gonorrhea".

And not to leave you anal fans "behind":

She was madly in love with Jim,
So she let him dine on her rim;
And his "just desserts"?
Facial Hershey squirts!
You could say "she was all over him".

A Covering all the holes kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

A tranny had his eye on ol' Ootie,
And, with a wink, a hand on his booty!;
"It" talked of "fine art",
'till soon they'd depart,
To serenede him upon the skin flutie.

PUUUUGHHH!!! PUUUUUGHHH!!!!!

That Old Bastard is a star
Who can't raise his tent very far.
His plumbing is rusted
He can't cut the mustard
So's an expert at licking the jar.

S by D

Regarding computer-obsessed mongers, and their Freudian sentence-envy:

They type lines that soon grow much too thick
With some rude insults and odd inside tricks
Of the trade, which grow longer
And insult each monger
That a mouse must be stuck to his ... limerick.

A have a buddy named Ahora
He can never get enough he always wants mora
If he gets lucky
he can get the sucky
And he won't stop until its Sorer


A silly fuck type of guy
MIlky

I took a girl up to Cascadas
Damn! What a sexual goddess.
She took me three ways
I was left in a daze
Passed out with my head in her bodice.

I really, really, REALLY need to get back to TJ.

Dongringo...so that explains my lineage! LOL

A fortunate hombre named Kevin
Found a chica whose motor was revvin'.
She stretched out his cum string,
And plucked it, while humming,
Led Zeppelin's "Stairway To Heaven".

Hombre says no first names

What???! You mean "Milkman" is not your real name?

My puta, in a rare pious mood
Shaved her pubes, then had 'em tattooed
Now, while I'm down south
Making joy with my mouth
My nose rubs the ass of St. Jude!

SBD

Hombre's first member went a callin'
Seeking a fresh skank for some ballin';
When finally unzipped,
This member coyly quipped
"From WHERE did THAT crab come a crawlin!!!???"

(oh the sheer impertinence of it all!)

Disclaimer: Any first names I may use in my limericks are entirely fictional, and not connected with anyone on this board. LOL.

For a truly "shocking" experience:

A chica from Zacatecas
Had new chichis constructed from brass.
When she rubbed them together
They played "Stormy Weather"
And lightning shot out of her ass.

He'd been wolfing down tacos and beer,
And saw fit to express his good cheer.
He cranked out a medley,
Not silent, but deadly,
And the bar remained closed for a year.

An alternate last line:

And the chicas all cowered in fear.

This isn't a limerick, I copied it from another site, but it is honest poetry.

A GIRL'S PRAYER
Lord, before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who's willy's thick and long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
When promises to call, he won't wait weeks.

I pray that he is gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man who will make love to my mind,
Knows just what to say, when I ask "How big's my
behind?"
One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin,
In the hall, the loo, the garden and kitchen!

I pray that this man will love me no end,
And never attempt to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
I look at the dickhead you sent me instead.

Amen.

A BOYS PRAYER
Lord, I pray for a girl with nice tits.
Amen.

I knew a girl from Ixtalapa,
On my verga she did love to chupa.
I slid under her snout,
And then pumped in and out,
Until her face was covered with goupa.

No first names? Well here's another clue for you all. The walrus was Paul.

Hey Farsider, I was laughing pretty hard at your
"He'd been wolfing down tacos and beer,"
Good one! Butt then it reminded me of the purge that cubana did in my bathroom that night in Havana...auughch.

Keep up the good stuff guys!

OH and Kendricks...good use of snout...I shuttered

Over a gringo known only as Don
Hovered Lucy wearing only a thong;
When removed it appeared
A crisp part in her beard
Ran from navel on down to her bottom.

Did I mention how hairy some of those cuban chicks were? One looked like she had Fidel himself in a scissorlock. brrrrrr

I'm here with these girls in France
but haven't been into their pants.

If this doesn't change, when I get back to home
I'll have some real wood for the girls in the zone

That girl's tits were covered with scabbies,
And her vagina was oozing with cheese.
Her whole body was hairy,
Her asshole was quite scary,
She left me full of trauma and disease.

While rimming her ass I avoided
The area that was hemorrhoided.
Did I have a reason
For that anal treason?
I didn't. But I bet Freud did.

An Id(iot) kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

Ootie wins the prize for the baddest limerick of the thread.

I can't emphasize enough this is really bad. I hope you wrote it when you were drunk.

Dongringo, this one's for you:

He met a Cubana bizarre
With a beard, a mustache, a gold star.
And he just couldn't bang her
That Fidel doppelganger
Right on down to the Cuban cigar.

Baddest in what way? I thought the "Freud did" rhyme was pretty cool. Of course, when you start writing too many limericks, your mind gets kind of warped... LOL.

If you mean bad in a gross sense... yeah it was pretty bad... but the one from Kendricks immediately preceding it, is its equal on the gross-meter. And neither one is as bad as the "green meat" limerick I posted back there (which I didn't write, so I can't claim credit for it).

I knew a chica who gets off on hot blood,
She will cut me just to enjoy the flood.
When we climb into bed,
We'll be covered with red,
That's sprayed out from my lacerated pud.

Farsider... palabras buena, comrade!

Kendricks...seek professinal help! LOL! anytime your limericks evoke a physical reaction, you know you've "moved" your readers

Byron...i looked for your limericks and must've missed them??

Ewwwww! I think Kendricks just broke the gross-meter...LOL.

Kendricks is a mutant. He doesn't count.

Byron:

My last effort in this thread was NOT a limerick. It was a Rim-a-lick, because it dealt with analingus. So the bad mark you gave me doesn't hurt my limerick average.

Besides that, who do you think you are, the Simon Cowell of this thread? I'll have you know that Paula Abdul loved that last effort. Just you wait; by the time I next see you in front of AB, I'll have about fifty more rhymers which I'll gladly recite to you one at a time, and very slowly.

And anyway, as far as the limerick world is concerned, the louder the moan, the more successful the effort. So thank you for some of the highest praise I've had in a long time.

A Trying to become an American Idol kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

Byron the monger is always so rude,
He is stuck in an unending foul mood.
I think he's such a prick,
'Cause his life is tragic,
And his "novia" will fuck any old dude.

Byron's only contribution is whining,
His intellect is much less than cunning.
Hear him piss and then moan,
As we let out a groan,
His lack of wit is nothing short of stunning.

In contrast, I love 0otie's rim-a-lick,
It was quite a tasty limerick.
It's better to be witty,
Than just being shitty,
Now Byron can go suck some monger dick.

Way to shore up the ranks, lads! I am TRULY in the prescense of greatness here - YOU ARE ALL MARVELLOUS BASTARDS!

In the spirit of roasting our new critique de jour:

When falling from sweet wedded bliss,
And faced with "ribbing" relentless;
Into Kinkle he stumbled,
Where o'rheard to have rumbled,
"FREE RIM-A-LICKS! STARTING WITH YOU, MISS?"

Never having been to Mexico, I will humbly borrow the tag line..

"An Out-of-Towner Nose Browner"

DG

ha ha kendricks. Ootie and I know each other for 5 years, before redsnake even started. Of course, I was giving him the highest praise.

This is a "limerick only" thread,
No other type of prose should even be read.
Pull your mouth off your dick,
And come up with some schtick,
Or put a gun in your mouth and get dead.

A cute young ranchera named Roxy
Once douched with a tube of epoxy.
Thus denying the entry
Of Club Hombre gentry
So they used her cute butt as a proxy!

Yeah, I know you guys are all pervs.

I took a girl to Ensenada
Just 'cause I felt like I oughta.
On the side of the road
She extracted my load
As we danced the horizontal lambada.

(then again, sex in public in Mexico might not be a smart thing to do...LOL)

Ootie, this one was inspired by an experience you once wrote about:

After nooky, this chica did pass
A thunderous dump from her ass.
In the toilet she'd splatter
All three phases of matter
There was solid, and liquid, and gas!

A hard-headed cabby named Peter
Was asked by a fare if he'd eat her.
He said, "It's not free.
I will only agree
To go down while I'm running the meter."

sbd

The young putas governed the city;
A vaginocracy of collective kitty.
When you partake in the hobby
you must vigorously lobby
The itty bitty titty committee.

went to the zona for novia mining
complete with much panocha dining
she cut loose with a fart
thus breaking my heart
but what a view of her flapping colon lining


there was once a puta from juarez
who'd do whatever her customer sez
but then her stomach got sick
blowing a shit covered dick
and decided she'd become a lez


Twas a dancer at Bambis cantina
who had to tape back it's grande weina
or it's gender would show
and the gringos would know
and start to get quite a bit meana


Ben was as old as the hills
and took tons of viagra pills
he let the chicas all know
he was loaded with dough
and claimed he'd put them in his wills


Milky liked the pulgas disco girls
especially with hair in tight curls
when one would get a permanent
he would pitch a small tent
then give her a necklace of pearls

The loving parents of our friend Putanero,
Brought home a gift, a giant schnauzer named Zero;
When under the table, Mom knelt a’foragin’
Seeking a lost fork, butt showing the origin
Of Puta’s curls, when the bastard mounted his hero.

LOL ! Hey Puta, GREAT stuff – didn’t know ya had it in ya.
How long did that book of poetry take? You must’ve worked like a dog?

"You must’ve worked like a dog?" ster

Milky once thought he was a tough guy
but then all the chicas started passing him by.
He then wondered what was wrong
Come to find out word spread that he had a little dong.
And now all he does is cry

There was a monger named Dogster
who had a cock as big as a lobster
and he knew something wasnt right
as the chica did more than bite
and now we call him lil knobster


Milky

Dongringo flew a plane down to cuba
seeking chics who could suck a chevy thru a Tuba
he went and he conquers
Chicas thought he was bonkers
So now he headin to Aruba


That lapdance got me to thinking
At the Miami bar where I was drinking
If I showed lack of class
bareback banging that ass
how bad would my pecker be stinking?


Texas mike always put on the bite
for cash on my trips every night
but now I'm saving my cash
to spend it on gash
and he just doesn't feel that it's right


I met a hot looking Mexican whore
in a booth by Chicago's dancefloor
The Tequila was good
and she made me get wood
but now I'm hungover and poor!


To the room with thoughts of unwedded bliss
she said first that she needed to piss
to the bano she went
lots of time there she spent
seems the lightbulb's what she wanted to kiss


I went to the show at La Tropa
the chicas were oilwrestling sin ropa
Milky's face got a big grin
and he tried jump in
but the chicas refused saying nopa


She had an ass so large
that it somewhat resembled a barge
when Mr. Bill saw her rump
he was ready to hump
and asked her how much does she charge

Milky noticed a really bad stink
when he got his nose down by her pink
when he finished a eating
he knew there'd be no repeating
and he terribly needed a drink

Milky, you have too much time on your hands
Shouldn't you be at a club listening to Mexican Bands?
Personaly, I can't stand that Norteno shit
Damn, I'd pay the band just to get them to quit
I don't know how you can be one of those Norteno music fans

-snapper-

My chica has passion and stamina
I just can't get enough when I am in 'er.
Her skills of coition
Sure do rev my ignition
She's my personal carnal examiner.

(how's that for a contrived rhyme)

She's the most beautiful gal I've poled;
The best ever for whom my balls tolled;
My last load of semen
Went as far as Bob Beamon
When he won the Olympic Gold.

A "Broad" jump and for whom the bells toll kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

How does a nun find carnal joys?
Here's one of their little known ploys:
It's a little crass,
But an hour before Mass
They dress up as altar boys.

A Some priests have been known to introduce their Bishop to nuns kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

A monger disgusting and crass,
Poked a long rubber hose up his ass.
And the other end, stuffed,
In his chica's tight muff,
They were cited for siphoning gas!

(I'd rather not dwell on that mental image for too long...)

I stuffed my ass full of taters
and shot them off at the fans of Raiders
Now my butt is drippy
it is oh so slippy
Why are Those guys nothing but haters ?

Ten nude priests were seeking to try
To cross a stream but keep their pricks dry;
They'll never admit it,
But here's how they did it:
Poking each other up the Brown Eye.

A Wondering if anyone will spot the flaw in logic kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

Ten nude priests were seeking to try
To cross a stream but keep their pricks dry;
They'll never admit it
Rumor has it they did it
With the aide of ten helpful smallfry's

or

On an inflatable Greek "raft" named "Guy"

or

Ten nude priests were seeking to try
To cross a stream but keep their pricks dry;
They'll never admit it,
But they couldn't complete it:
Chicken fights made the altar boys cry.

Ootie...that just has so much comedic opportunity

I'll say it again: the talent in this thread is amazing.

A Hoping to be worthy enough to continue posting here kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

Hopefully, this hasn't happened to anyone here:

I tried sneaking her 'cross the border,
With a Disneyland promise I'd lured her.
But when questioned, she stammered,
I wound up in the slammer,
And they sent her back out through the corridor.

And, here's a tribute to the "little guys":

I'm a room cleaner at Hotel C!
No floor scum's too vile for me.
I'll just scoop up your mess,
And then boldly request,
A "teep" of a dollar, or three!

Let me see what I can do with the "ten nude priests" theme.

Ten nude priests were seeking to try
To cross a stream but keep their pricks dry.
I know it sounds sick,
But each one stuffed his dick,
Straight into a dead corpse's eye.

Alternate ending:

Ten nude priests were seeking to try
To cross a stream but keep their pricks dry.
I know it sounds sick,
But each one stuffed his dick,
In the ass of a ten year old guy.

My chica told me she's knocked up,
Support payments I'll have to cough up.
You may say I'm a cynic,
I took her to the clinic,
And disposed of that little whore's pup.

I am a Doctor of Abortion,
My practice makes me a true fortune.
I just break out the lube,
Then insert the vacuum tube,
While I save chicas' bodies from distortion!

That limerick's callous and crude,
Its morals distressingly lewd;
It's not worth the reading
By persons of breeding -
It's designed for us vulgar and rude.

There once was a monger named Snapper,
Who liked to fuck chicks on the crapper.
Said that he liked to hump,
While he's taking a dump,
And then use the the rubber for crap paper.

Oops - should be:

There once was a monger named Snapper,
Who liked to fuck chicks on the crapper.
Said that he liked to hump,
While he's taking a dump,
And then use the rubber for crap paper.

What happens to young hobbyists? They may grow old but they never grow up...

A decrepid old hound with fleas and ticks,
Used his gnarled fingers to type "you're all pricks!";
Covered with warts and avarice,
His crotch crawling with crabs and lice,
We pay tribute to the man who was Kendricks.

Ten nude nuns were seeking to try
To cross a stream but keep their cunts dry;
The old mother superior
Inspected each interior
With a broad smile that was sinfully wry.

A tip of the hat to Ootie for inspiration that was second to nun.

Kendricks, that one left me a awfully funny visual.-lol

Here's one relating to an innovation that was mentioned recently:

He had learned she was small on his 'puter
And he couldn't slip in her tight kooter.
His pendulous prong
Was two inches too long
With the help of Dick Donut, he do'd her!

There once was a TJHombre monger named Kendricks
Who's legend rivaled guitar player Jimi Hendrix
Though some thought him a pretty cool dude
His comments were a bit too rude
Now we don't even have his great limericks!


PS: After the Civil War, the Confederate states were allowed to do good deeds during the era of Reconstruction until eventually they were re-admitted back into the Union.
Hombre...do you think we could set up a multi-step plan where Kendricks were first allowed to do limericks...if that goes well then allow him to issue original posts, and then if that goes well allow Kendricks (while on probation) the limited right to comment on other hombres posts???
LOL

By Dazed on Monday, July 08, 2002 - 10:42 am:


You've heard of this wild guy Kendricks
Who Laments he doesn't have ten dicks.

From New Port beach
the putas are far from reach

So when he gets to the zone
he wears it down to the bone

Yea,he's the guy that guy who could use ten dicks
That's right it's that fuckin' Kendricks...

This is a re- run of an earlier post.

At this time I respectfully request the court impose a probationary period on the accused as opposed to the death sentence.

"We are the World, We are the Mongers"

While sowing my wild oats around Havana
With girls skilled at peeling my banana,
I missed all of the hulaballoo
When the creatures at Hombre's zoo
Cannibalized ol' Kendricks like so much manna

Ok, so it's a lame limerick, but what happened to Kendricks? Sure he was a bit of a gravel enema, prone to innane ramblings. And, ok, there was the support of the terrorists and accolades to the whackos of this world, and lest we forget, the crypt-like limericks that left you speechless...wait - EXACTLY WHY DO WE WANT HIM BACK???

I was on vacation in Key Largo,
Not knowing about Kendricks' embargo;
His posts always dissed,
But his limericks will be missed;
He went the same way as Westfargo.

A One less competitor for the Limerick Pulitzer kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

Club Hombre provides "a friendly community"
For TJ mongers in search of Latin put-ey
Kendricks now dreads
Those 3 little words not read
Since Kendricks has been given the booty!

My name is Gonzales
I live in Nogales
I make ten pesos a day
I go down to Lucy
and play with her pussy
She take my ten pesos away.

It's been too long since I posted
With TJ reports when I boasted;
But the reason is clear;
I haven't been there;
For three years I've been East-Coasted.

A Haven't been traveling and just saying hello once again to all the fellow mongers who remember me as I do them kind of guy,

Out-Of-Towner (Ootie)

An Argentine Gaucho name "Bruno"
Once said, "There's one thing that I do know".
"Women are fine, sheep are divine...."
"But Llama is numero uno".

I almost forgot this thread exisited!!!!!

There once was a Turkish Cadet,
(and this is a damnedest one yet)
His dick was so long; so slender and strong,
He could bugger six Greeks....
En brochette.