Women read and follow directions.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman
who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never
be able to
support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to
stand closer to
the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something
smart? When she starts
her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the
required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is
yelling at the front
door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
Always.
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I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to
interrupt her.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's
sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring,
Suffering.
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Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on
the TV?" I said,
"Dust!"
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither
God nor Man has rested.
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Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
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A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on
Rodeo Drive and said,
"I haven't eaten anything for days." She looked at him and
said, "God, I wish
I had your willpower."
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Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of
Africa a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: That
happens in every
country, son.
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A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: Wife
Wanted." The next day
he received a hundred letters. They all said the same
thing: "You can have
mine."
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is
to forget it once.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
the street with a
bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are
beautiful...