I was standing there, surrounded by Bison, snorts and smells and sweet reminders of my constipation lay on the ground. I'm dying here, my love…

It's the littlest things, strangely enough, which make me more fond of Bison over all the large mammals. The unselfconscious way it conducted its business, the very lack of artifice, made it more beautiful than anything I could imagine. I wanted to touch it, to caress it with my hands.

Oh, that sunny morning on the Ordway Prairie Preserve Tour. A caged Bison backed up close enough to touch. Her fur was warm, pressed to my hand, and I dreamed we stayed there all day from sun to moon, silver to gold; hoof in hand, cheek to snout, breeze in my hair, Bison breath on my lip. I dreamed of running with Bison, dancing silently, a lovers' waltz, a carefree gallop. I swore I would be there for these animals forever. I cherished the moment with my hand on the hindquarter of the graceful beast. But it was not to be, forever came too soon…the Bison emptied her bowels in a semi-projectile fashion hitting my legs and shoes. I had indeed been shat upon.

Suddenly I knew how MitchC must have felt all those times he suffered blowouts by his victims in San Jose, CR and Rio. Unfortunately there was no bathroom for miles. Again, I was the source of amusement by my tour mates. I screamed, “No cameras!” and hurriedly made my way out of their site to go back and wait on the tour bus.

The ride back to Rapid City was accomplished with all the windows open in the mini-bus on account of how bad I smelled. Note to self, no more tours.

Back at the Hampton I changed clothes, waited till the appropriate hour and made my way to Madam Cu’s Uó Massage. Once there I met Madam Cu. She pointed to the sign on the wall and I saw they offered Shiatsu, Udvartina, Swedna, Swedna, Vishesh, Shirodhara, Acupressure, and Colonic techniques. I had only heard of Shiatsu and Acupressure so was pretty much clueless as to what to do. They offered a special package called “The Works” for $250. Since it included EVERYTHING, I thought it sounded like a good value and went for it. I was going to get the Works. She said, “Really”? and I replied, “Of course”. She said, “In that case, we require you to pay in advance”. I did not have enough American dollars to cover the bill so I offered my American Express card. She told me they had to add on $10 if I used a card, and I told her no problem. She then asked if I wanted to leave a tip on the card too, and I told her to add $50.

I was introduced to Xiu Li who would be administering my session. She was early to mid 20s, cute face, asian, with a petite build. I would not pick her in a terma in Rio—but then again, I was not in Rio so I decided to be happy with her. She directed me to a shower room with a rubber mattress on a bench. She told me to lay down face first. I did, and she deployed a pair of white rubber boots and a lab coat. She took a handheld shower-head and soaked down my back from head to toe. Then she lathered my body with a large, rough sponge, and scrubbed what felt like every dead skin cell off my body. I glanced over my shoulder and I looked like a newborn mouse—my whole body was wet and pink. She told me to roll over; I did and started to become erect in anticipation of the happy ending which was in my very near future. She scrubbed from my feet up my legs and then when passing over to my other leg part of her hand brushed against my dick. That sensation was all I needed for it to “throb” and move up touching her wrist. She recoiled, then thumped my dick. I howled in pain, and she said, “It hard…not allowed!”

My dick was sore, and quickly retreated like a defenseless turtle trying to protect itself. She quickly finished up and motioned me towards the massage room. They had a lot of equipment with tubes and so forth, sort of reminded me of my dentist’s office. I laid down face first and had a hundred questions racing through my head. Would I be able to get a nut here? Was this what the United States was all about—forcing poor bastards like myself to crawl in dumpsters, get thrown out of strip clubs and get their dicks thumped in Asian Massage Parlors because they cannot get laid?

She kneaded my shoulders, back, hamstrings, and calves forcefully enough that I grimaced in pain, but it felt good at the same time. She then asked me, “are you ready?” I thought to myself, “Finally! I am going to get a handjob, or maybe better out of this”. I raised my shoulder to turn over and she forced me back to the table. I do not know if she was part Octopus or what, but it seemed like she had more than 2 hands because simultaneous with pushing me to the table I felt a cold, slippery sensation on my rectum and something smooth entered INTO my ass. I never had time to protest.

I heard a whirring sound and a cold sensation filled my body. It was not only cold, it tingled and caused a rush of adrenaline such that I experienced the same feeling I had as a child when on a roller coaster and dropped off the big hill…straight down for what seemed like an eternity. In fact, only seconds had passed, but Xiu Li had already inflated a balloon inside my rectal vault which secured the tube introducing the water into my body. I learned about the balloon because when I jumped off the table and started running out of the room, the TORTURE apparatus was towed behind me. The tube ran from my ass to the machine, and the machine was tethered to another hose, which ran over to the sink. It was when the hose connecting the sink reached it’s limit that I learned about the balloon inflated in my ass. I probably stretched the hose for a foot or more before hearing a loud pop!

The popping sound signaled two things. 1. The end of my connection to the pump and 2. the beginning of my body getting rid of the water introduced into my colon, along with several day's build up of bodily waste. In projectile fashion I was spraying down everything in site as I ran for the bathroom down the hall. I even looked over my shoulder to apologize to Xiu Li, and she was hardly recognizable…she was dripping from head to toe. Life is a funny thing…the difference between being torturer and tortured is very small indeed. Nevertheless, I felt sorry for Xiu Li. I plopped myself down on the toilet and continued to expel what felt like all the contents of my body. I listened to blood curdling screams outside the bathroom. It sounded like chaos outside the bathroom…but I felt a warm comfort from the center of my chest down as I sat there waiting for it all to end.

Once I got myself cleaned up I just wanted to get out of there. Madam Cu told me I owed an extra $200 cleaning fee, plus $300 for replacement hoses for the machine I had damaged. I only wanted to get out of there, get packed and go home to Rio so I agreed to the charges.

I got back to the Hampton, grabbed my bags, checked out and got to the airport as fast as I could. I never thought I would say this—but I could not have cared less if I ever got another vacation as long as I lived, AND I was ready to get back to the office grind. Paperwork, spreadsheets, personnel issues, emails, pressures to perform. I welcomed it all. South Dakota sucks as a sex destination; there was no doubt in my mind.

I would spend my time on the plane reflecting upon the past several days and hopefully be able to provide some valuable insights to my friends on Clubhombre.

I at least felt comfort to know my bowel movements had at least returned.



(Message edited by gcl on May 20, 2004)

DAMN!!!!!!!!!!

Sounds HOT!!!! Uh....do I need to get a visa to visit South Dakota? Is it possible to earn a decent living teaching English there?

Ok, this is total bullshit, well maybe Bison shit. There is no way that after you had been hit with the bison shit, that no shoeshine kid was all over you. Disillusioned once again.
SL

SL, You bring up a valid point. I did not discuss much of it, but there was the usual distraction of people trying to sell me junk every few minutes. I will tell you this, I do not believe the stuff on me was anything except authenic Bison poop. If shit flingers did it, they would have to be hurling crap in shovel loads.

There seems to be a trend developing on this board regarding anal invasions. Hope it is not a sign of the times or a new fad of some kind.

CYA when you get back. Can't wait to show you the improvements we made in the office.

Sandman

Sandman, look...I'm just reporting what happend. Fair and balanced. I am not sure where you are going with this but if you are accusing Deeg of plagarism, SHAME ON YOU.

The fact that Deeg jumped on my bandwagon and could cause some to question the authenticity of his reporting. I agree it is a coincidence that he started writing about the same thing that happened to me. However, as much as I do not like him, I will not call him a plagarist. He has in the past, been a person of integrity.

GCL,

I have stayed out of this thread for the most part, but now I feel compelled to post.

As you know, I am from South Dakota, and have had the opportunity to sample Madam Ku's wares many a time.

So basically, you ended up blowing $750 large there and not get a nut? What are you freaking crazy? First you paid in advance? I *never* pay in advance. And do you think that you are the first person to, ummm, "have an incident" during the Works? I would have to venture that you are the first bozo to pay an extra $500 for incidental expenses. For those newbies out there, these *extra* fees are included in the Works pricing.

GCL, this trip report is a disgrace to all mongers. Overpaying, and paying in advance? I just wonder whether you are ruining things for all of us.

Next time, me, Turk555, and KidCisco are at Madam Ku's, we'll pop you a message about the extent of harm you have done to the South Dakota P4P scene.

Good riddance.

Jeeez! BT's right...what a bunch of fuckin' rookie mistakes! GCL, your veteran status is temporarily revoked. You're on temporary suspension from monger vet status, so once back in Rio you'd better show us you all still have your chops.

Look, I paid $750 bucks, but it was the right thing to do. The goodwill I established by doing that was worth more than the amount I paid. You guys werent there, so cant really comment. But trust me, It was worth it. Plus, they deserved it, considering the damage I caused. You guys are just too cheap and dont want to pay. Think about what it would cost you to go to Rio? You think nothing of paying $800 just for a ticket to get there and you havent even hobbied yet. So dont act like I am screwing up your sex scene for you--you guys are just cheap.

Maybe, but after we invest that money in a plane ticket we invariably actually have sex, and with something other than a machine.

Amusing, the king of the "real-a-minute" whorehouse calling us "cheap"!

Not to mention his generosity in not permitting his employee models to shower solo. I wonder if they have to re-use toilet paper, too? Or maybe he doesn't furnish any. Does an alarm go off in his living quarters if a garota dares to violate the only-once-per-day rule about toilet flushing.

Enquiring minds want to know...

Now SF....having managed GCLs operation while he was away, I can testify to the fact he does give them three sheets of toilet paper per pee. One to catch the drips, one to wipe the mist and the other for...well, not really sure what the other is for. GCL, you may have an expense saving opportunity here.

Now, I must admit that no one ever complained over this policy and GCL does buy medium of the line grade toilet paper (it aint exactly Charmin but it beats what you get in Cuba). Now, if they were not happy with the situation, they clearly would have had me go out and provide a roll per girl on a daily basis. Hell, I gave them everything else they asked for just to keep em happy and working.

To top it all off, we had the best week ever in the history of the business. Maybe he should go away more often. How bout it guys. Anybody have any suggestions on where the lad can go for his next adventure?? I hear the Seminoles in S. Fl are a little more accomodating to gringos?


Sandman

I beg to differ with you Sandman but I have been consistent about the 1 sheet rule. Properly used, noone every needs more than one. I will try to describe it here.

1. Tear off ONE sheet.

2. Fold in half.

3. In the center tear off a half circle piece which creates a circular hole in the center of the paper once it is unfolded.

4. SAVE THE SMALL CIRCLE (about the size of a dime is perfect).

5. Stick your index finger through the hole as if the entire sheet of paper were a ring going on yoru finger.

6. Wipe your ass with the index finger.

7. With other hand grasp the paper and pull it off the finger, effectively cleaning the finger as the paper slides off.

8. Use the small piece you saved to clean under the nail.

ALL DONE!! Okay guys, thats it for now. You are all welcome.