XXXchurch Wants No More XXX 

May. 20, 2004

"Rick," a 20-year-old Krispy Kreme employee from Washington, says he has a serious problem: He masturbates.

He recently befriended several other Christian men who share his belief that masturbation is sinful, and together they've pledged not to "defile themselves" for 40 days -- the same amount of time the Bible says Satan tempted Jesus in the desert. They encourage each other to remain steadfast by e-mail and instant messages.

"I'm only a few days into it, but I'm really seeing how used to it that my body really is, and how I am addicted to it," Rick writes in a blog chronicling his quest. "As difficult as it is, I'm contending not only for myself, but the men that are on this fast with me, to be strong, and beat this addiction. Let's do it guys! We can be holy."

The men were inspired by XXXchurch <http://www.xxxchurch.com>, whose mission is to help people overcome the twin temptations of pornography and onanism and bring them to God. Started by two young pastors from the porn capital of the world -- Southern California -- the ministry is aggressively fighting carnal sin on the porn medium of choice, the Internet. It's an uphill battle. There are millions of XXX sites, but only one XXXchurch.



Link/URL...
http://www.wired.com/news/culture/0,1284,63502,00.html?tw=wn_tophead_1

There are Jews in the world.
There are Buddhists.
There are Hindus and Mormons, and then
There are those that follow Mohammed, but
I've never been one of them.
I'm a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics is:
They'll take you as soon as you're warm.
You don't have to be a six-footer.
You don't have to have a great brain.
You don't have to have any clothes on. You're
A Catholic the moment Dad came,

Because

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can't be found.

Every sperm is wanted.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.

Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,...
God get quite irate.

Every sperm is useful.
Every sperm is fine.
God needs everybody's.
Mine! And mine! And mine!

Let the Pagan spill theirs
O'er mountain, hill, and plain.
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that's spilt in vain.

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite iraaaaaate!

--Monty Python

If they really want to stop masturbating, they should just go to Brazil. And make sure they stay clear of South Dakota.