Question for the married guys (or those in serious relationships): how much of your mongering activities do you reveal to your significant other?

I suspect most will answer "absolutely nothing", but for how long is that really possible? Some of you must spend a great deal of time, money, and effort in pursuit of the hobby. How can you keep this hidden from the wife? I'm as good a liar as any, but I feel that at some point a line must be drawn. Can you really maintain a lifelong commitment to someone while leading a double life?

For those who do reveal something (or everything...does this exist?), what has been the reaction? Do women exist that accept this type of relationship? Am I fooling myself into thinking that there are women in this world that would knowingly want to share their lives with perverts like us?

For those not married or currently in a serious relationship, if the time ever comes (will you really just monger your entire lives?) when you find someone you want to be with forever, how much of your past will you reveal?

In studying the norms of some non-U.S. cultures, where male mongering is more typical, it seems as many couples have this "unwritten rule" where the husband does the mongering, the wife knows about it, but neither admit anything to each other. My feeling on this is, "what's the point?"

In my own experience, throughout my numerous vanilla relationships during my mongering career, I've only once revealed anything to a girlfriend. I realized early, knowing a bit about female psychology, that it was literally relationship suicide to reveal the slightest detail of what I was doing. Even one time, when I was clearly busted by a girlfriend, I lied to her face and completely denied it. The one occasion when I veered from this policy, I was dating a girl who I met under completely vanilla circumstances, but several months into the relationship I learned that at some point in her past she had done some Pro work. Only at this point, in part to consol her on what I'd found out, did I admit to partaking a bit myself, but only "in the past". (I still didn't admit to her what I was doing directly before, during, and after our relationship.) Even so, it was such an incredible relief that I didn't feel the need to lie to her and I felt in some ways that I'd finally met my "equal" (a girl filthy enough to match my exploits). But given the "once a hooker, always a hooker" rule, does this really count?

That being said, since that one honest relationship I enjoyed, I've made a concerted effort to be open with a girl before I get romantically serious with her. Am I insane for attempting this? Will I be consigned to lie to every girl I ever have a serious relationship with in the future?

Khoofoo,

Do not under any circumstances tell anyone else about the hobby. That includes, friends, neighbors, wives, co-workers, etc. Keep this hobby completely separate from your personal life. The only guys that you can trust in this business are the ones that you meet doing the same thing that you are doing.

With a Latin wife, she expects that you will stray once in a while. If you do, just leave it at the hotel, and do not rub it in her face. She just wants you to be a good husband and father to the family, and does not need to know about anything else.

When you are dating a working girl, even though she understands the behavior of this hobby, if you have a fling on the side, she does not need to hear about it.

If you are have got a good girl, she might even buy a girl or two for your birthday one year, or even have another join in for some fun. Those are great experiences, and if you have a woman like that, keep her, and treat her good.

Enjoy the life,

Moondog

As a seasoned hobbyists, Moondog offers some very sage advice; In addition, your number ONE rule should always be....DENY, DENY, DENY! If you get tired of defending and denying then go on the offensive, "Yeah, right, I was doing 10 girls per day on this trip". They will never believe it and end of discussion. They may suspect but will quit with the constant questions!

Whether your trips are under the guise of fishing, adventure, golf, surfing or whatever, if there is a significant other, never let your hobbying activities enter your relationship and whatever you do, "DO NOT SHOW THEM THIS BOARD OR ANY OTHERS LIKE IT".

Keep the hobby to yourself and other like minded individuals. Avoid sharing with family, co-workers and friends. It can cause great grief in the wrong hands.

Sandman

Speaking for Moondog, Sandman and myself, plus quite a few others on the board, we all have jobs that involve travel. That is the best cover story of all , right? "Why are you going to Brasil?" "Honey, for work, I'll be back in a week".

A while back we had a thread going, and I think it was even the topic of a chat that I hosted, about how to go about obtaining a job with either an overseas posting or one where you can travel. Believe me, it is nothing better than combining work and mongering. Work by day, monger by night.

Why is this the best? Easy - subsidized mongering. Since you're on business, you're not paying for the airfare, the hotel, the rental car, the meals, hell a lot of us have expensed sessions themselves (man, you guys must like this restaurant "Whiskeria", you ate there every night!).

Take the Saturday-night stay "to save the company money on airfare" and get those free weekends in too while your at it. I do that a lot. This weekend, I'm hitting TJ and the only thing I'll pay for is stuff on the other side of the border. My flight, hotel, rental car and meals won't cost me a dime. It'll all go on my expenses and you know what? The company comes out ahead because I'm doing a Saturday night stay, which reduces airfare by at least $500. So, for the extra night in a hotel, a few meals and the extra day on the rental car (about $250) the company saves $250 and I get two heavily-subsidized monger days in TJ.

I have mongered for about 8 years now, but until last year when I started hitting Rio, I had never spent personal money on travel to any mongering spot. I either got it where I was on business (lots of Mexican border towns, Europe, East Asia, Central America, even the Middle East) or at least just used frequent flyer miles, Marriott Points and Budget Fastbreak rewards (all earned on the company nickel) to get most of the trip for free.

I don't find the other excuses - golf trip with the guys, fishing, etc - to hold nearly as much credibility with the wife/girlfriend as work.

Catocony said "a lot of us have expensed sessions themselves". How the heck do you do that? I work for a multi-billion dollar company and my job is 100% travel but my company does not reimburse for anything that does not have a receipt. On top of that there is a daily limit that I cannot go over. So please share your experience and tricks on how to expense mongering sessions.

Now to the real subject that khoofoo started. I never ever share my mongering life with anyone else. I have been mongering for decades and have been involved in serious relationships but I keep my hobby to myself. If I ever meet a hombre from this site I never ask their real name or any other personal detail and I expect the same from them. I was dating a non-pro girl who I met during my mongering trips and she knew why I was there for but she was OK with that so I continued to do what I was doing and at one point she just put her foot down and said no more and it became a choice between her or my hobby. I have been doing that for so long and know better, at least in my case, once a monger always a monger. So I am sticking with this philosophy for the rest of my life.

JKarp

JKarp: ya, I've actually expensed some things myself over the years. Most termas accept credit cards (AMEX Corporate Cards included) and most termas, strip clubs, and take-out bars seem to have pretty innocent names that actually show up on the statement. Fortunately, I worked in an industry where it probably wouldn't be the end of the world if it were ever revealed what I was actually up to.

The rest: ya, I was afraid you'd say that. The business/traveling thing makes a lot of sense, but it wasn't so much the "how do you get away with it" angle I've been questioning, it's more the "how do you live with yourself and look your spouse in the eye?"

And, do not worry. I have no intension of ever revealing details of this lifestyle or this webpage to anyone. It would just be nice to not have to constantly lie and deceive. I'm getting tired of breaking off serious relationships with really great non-Pro girls because I'm too paranoid about them finding out what I'm really about. Perhaps my mind has been poisoned by that one open relationship and I shouldn't expect to find someone else so understanding. Moondog: indeed, she did once hook me up for a threesome with one of her ex-Pro friends and, of course, it was fantastic (and I'm so glad I have the video).

Shit, I worked for a "multi-billion dollar company" shit,a forbes 10 company, aw fuck it i dont work for them anymore.. IBM..

They paid almost all my mongering expenses.. "Client Dinners".. "clothes" you name it..

I was on long term overseas assignments so I had a little more leeway with the expenses.

I imagine that women have boards where they talk about how to rack up as much debt as possible on their husband's credit cards by shopping, shopping and more shopping. I'm sure those boards are secret from us, too, and they tell each other never, never to let the hubby know about the board.

Here's my dilemna. I don't tell people I go to Brazil. I tell them I'm on a business trip in the US. Now, how do you keep the woman in your life from seeing all those stamps in your passport the next time the two of you go to Europe together. Ugh!

Sterling

Or the suntan!

Yes, it's elaborate lies like that one that I hope to avoid in any serious relationship. Hence, I've developed this philosophy that it's not worth getting serious with a girl unless she can accept me for who I am. Which of course is probably a very rare sort of girl indeed. It just seems silly to me to enter myself into a relationship destined for eventual disaster.

Explorer: I've often wondered the same myself, although I'm sure they're not using a website. Perhaps it's their secret network of beauty salons and manicurists. They seem to spend so much time there and it's a world not often infiltrated by men. Whatever it is, I suspect they are talking about something in a way that we cannot fathom. Just as I'm sure the average woman cannot fathom that a bunch of guys would go though all the trouble of developing software and paying for elaborate technology to create a global virtual electronic forum to discuss getting laid, I'm sure they have something similar that we cannot imagine.

Sterling

Here is my suggestion for you upon returning from your forthcoming Brazil trip:

Photocopy your Brazilian Visa in your passport.

Run your passport through the laundry machines (washer AND dryer).

Send your damaged passport back to the US Embassy for replacement.

Send your new passport back to the Brazilian embassy for another visa. If they charge you for a new visa, that's cheaper than a palimony suit.

Khoofoo
After 30 trips in 36 months, several people in my life became 'concerned' that my travel habits might not have been strictly for the reasons stated by me. In spite of that fact, I have steadfastly held to my story. Better to hold your head high in a lie than cower under the truth. There are simply NO exceptions to this rule. Period.

Moondog & Khoofo you both need to be aware of what can happen to someone who shares the hobby with a woman. A vindictive woman later scorned by you could hijack you, holding your life hostage with the threat of revealing the facts to other people in your life. Only share the truth if you are completely comfortable with everyone in your life knowing ALL. I have spent the last year consoling a very dear friend of this board who has been in a living Hell since deciding to 'trust' a girlfriend with the truth.

And to the rest of this board at large - choose carefully with whom you share your identity even amongst members of this board. I have spent the past few months consoling another friend who had a deranged lunatic wreak havoc in his personal life. Very messy stuff.

I love all of you guys in spite of the fact that you represent the largest collection of deviant miscreants I've ever met. That said, when I resume my travels I hope to never run into any of you freaks again.

With Warmest Personal Regards, I Remain
Uncle DeeG

Uncle DeeG,

I love you too, you asswipe!

Seriously, very good advice. Many of us know guys who have had their lives turned upside down and inside out by revealing too much to the wrong person. Be careful...I think it best to be a bit conservative with respect to how much you self-disclose, either here on the board or when travelling with fellow mongers. There's a tendency to want to tell your story when running around with the guys, but frankly there's very little upside to giving personal information out. I can be buddies and have a great time with guys w/o knowing where they work, their marital history, etc.

As far as how to deal with wives, significant others, partners, or what have you, I don't have any useful advice to offer. Unless you've met that "one-in-a-billion" woman who won't have any problem with you fucking prostitutes all over the world, I suspect you're better keeping your mouth shut. If the guilt of (1) doing it, or (2) getting caught doing it is overwhelming, it seems that you have two choices: (1) stop doing it or (2) dump her and the guilt along with her. If you're a good sociopath like some of my unnamed buddies here, you don't have to face this dilemma because you can lie to her face and sleep well.

Sterling: The obvious answer would be to drop your American girl. The way I see it all American women are bitches anyway so why waste the time and energy lying to them.

I believe Catacony in another thread posted that he has never spent a dime on an american woman since he started to monger abroad. I can say the same.

You would have more money and be able to return to Brazil that much faster

See you on the 22nd bro.

The problem with lies is that they are hard to remember (as opposed to the truth). The more you make up, the more you have to lie; and; sometimes, you have to be quick witted about them. Always easier to remember the truth.

A sharp woman will wait till you have had a few, then try to trap you or wait months to see if you can recant them in the same fashion.

Visualize the sceneario then repeat it to yourself over and over as if it were true; Repeat the same story many times in front of others while she is around so she can hear; get photos of yourself with other guys doing "alibi" activities; get your photo taken with an ugly local woman as your contribution to improving international relations;

And; lastly,....DENY, DENY, DENY!

Amen, Coffee maker!

DG,

Point taken, but not to worry. I'm not talking about sharing the hobby with a non-pro, but just having a nice relationship with a workng girl or semi-working girl.

Thanks again for the points.

This is a very good topic of discussion here. I have had to do 'test' mongering situations - little trips over the border to see if it would bother me in a new relationship. Sorta did, sorta didn't.

But I think it is best to remember the imortal words of George Costanza, "It's not really a lie if you believe it" - when trying to teach Jerry how to beat a lie-detector.

Also check out The Senator's "Don't Get Busted" thread.

Speaking from experience - his plan works. When I've strayed - I've paid.