Subtopic	Posts		Updated
	Archive 01	50		2006/08/22, 06:43 pm

Blissman,

I was down south last weekend and I have to ask you a question. Is it manditory that every male south of the Maso-Dixon Line wear a baseball stye cap at all times? Team caps aren't too prevelant, but NASCAR, CAT and John Deere caps are all over the place.

Needless to say, my pink monogrammed shirts didn't go over too well.

BTW, are you sure it's a refrigerator that died, not an ice box that you forgot to put a fresh block of ice into? Remember, once the ice melts, it needs to be replaced, otherwise the road-kill in there starts to stink.

Jag

Catacony: "Why do people in Alabama keep their refrigerators on their back porch instead of inside? ..."

Because it puzzles assholes so much.

Jag
It is not mandantory for males to wear baseball caps at all times down south. It is an insecurity reaction that affects males not only in the south but all over the US. I, however, never wear a cap, hat, tam, bennie or anything similar. All of my life women have raved about my "perfect head" and how much they enjoy it. I have never totally understood this but I simply cannot disappoint them by donning headwear.

Yep, the ole frigidaire is dead. I had some doubts about it for a couple of days. Finally, the anxiety about not knowing for certain got the best of me. I picked up the standby kitchen Arrieta Model 875 and pumped 5 quick 12 gauge charges into the side of the suno'bitch and it quit its infernal humming. In keeping with a regional tradition I stopped all the clocks and dragged up an easy chair for rigormortis to set in. Yep, Jag, it's dead.

Clearly, your upbringin' denied you the proper understanding and appreciation for the discrete pleasures of properly cured roadkill. To quote a famous suthern playwrite: "Never refrigerate a dead possum before it's time".

Actually, your pussy-pink shirts probably went relatively unnoticed. It was probably your shitty personality that people rejected.

Wishing you all the best!

(Message edited by blissman on August 22, 2006)

At least when the fridges and stoves and water heaters break down in the South, you don't have to lug them off to the dump. They look real nice sitting in the back yard. Up North we build jungle gyms for the kids to play on, down South you just let them loose on the old kitchen appliances.

Whut's a "hot water heater"?

Jag wrote..."Should he (TRW) be allowed back, I would be very disappointed if any of you whom I respect, tried to deliberately draw him into a flame session."

Sorry Jag, but it is like feeding the animals or tapping the glass at the zoo. Even though there are signs everywhere stating not to do it, something inherently makes you want to do it because it provokes a reaction and is entertaining.

I will forever remember TRW's no-truer words than: "all women fuck us for our money, brasilieras (GDPs) at least make us feel good about doing it". It ranks up there with the words of Kennedy.

CL,

When I saw how TRW reacted when he realized he had offended someone he personally knew like Felix, it gave me a fantastic idea. I’m sure this will settle everything and stop the flame wars.

First of all, it’s readily apparent to me that TRW feels for deeply individuals he knows, so this is what I propose: Invite TRW, BobbyT and Gcl to my house in Philly for the weekend, so they can get to know each other better. Isn’t that a great idea?

Fortunately, in 1960, a bomb shelter was installed in my house that they can use for the whole weekend. It has a blast door, a refrigerator, propane stove and its own generator, so they’ll be self sufficient. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking; the previous owners were paranoid too. Now, if we can only get the three of them to agree on a suitable weekend, we will have performed this century’s first miracle.

Jag

In my observations, most guys over 18 that wear baseball hats are bald or going there. Of course, in the South, baseball hats are considered formal wear, aren't they?

SF Hombre
In the deep south "formal" is merely a theoretical concept.

My personal feeling is if you are wearing a baseball cap you should be playing baseball. If you wear a cowboy hat I want to see some damn cows around.

It is my strong belief that anyone who wears a "specialty hat" without being involved in the "specialty" has a basic fear that their head is not good enough.

The strangest hat syndrome is when people wear baseball caps and insist that they are "golf hats". WTF? I walked up on two guys wearing indentical hats and they were arguing over whether the hats were "baseball caps" or "golf hats". I was asked for my third-party opinion. I requested that they take the hats off for a closer study. I lay them on a desk and stared at them for a few moments silently. I then dropped my pants and wiped my butt with each cap/hat. They screamed at me incredulously, "WHAT????" I said, "Hell if I know, I can't tell whether they are baseball caps or golf hats either!".

On the other hand, SF Hombre, I may be overanalyzing things. Perhaps people over 18 who wear baseball caps are either bald or going bald.

Questions, questions questions, flooding through the concerned mind of the blissman of today.

Btw, thank all of you who have expressed concern about my refrigerator. It is still dead. The good news is there is now a styrofoam cooler full of beer on he floor alongside the now rigid fridgiaire with 5 gaping wounds in its side. The easy chair for rigormortis to set in remains motionless nearby. I stood for several moments surveying this somber scene before I realized what a statement it was on the tragedies in life and the stubborn persistance of time. I was moved to do a photo study of it...198 photos from only slightly different angles with the same lighting. There were no clothing changes between the photos, btw. Anyone who would like copies please PM me. Please remember, however, these will be copyrighted photos and posting on another site will be considered theft of intellectual property.
Thankyouverymuch (in best elvis voice)

Here's a photo of Blissman from a few decades back, he must be on the way to his prom or something since he's dressed in high Alabama style.

Cato,
WTF? Are you lost in a time-warp or what? That was 2 weeks ago. Pretty damn snappy, eh? No wonder the ladies love me so much...

SF Hombre-- when was the last time you visited a college campus? I would say around 70% of the 20 somethings wear caps regularly.

Sorry to hear 70% of the 20 somethings are going bald. Must be the result of global warming or something.

LAG,

Yeah, Global Warming gets blamed for everything now-a-days.

Jag

Sorry. Part of my probation terms prohibit me from going within 1000 feet of a college campus.

I thought it was 1000 miles! But, spending most days on college campuses, I can confirm DM's observation.

Bwana (Hat Guy)

I went to a university campus near my home today to see if the allegations were correct about "70% of the students wear caps"...well suck me off with a double-barreled breast pump, there were caps literally everywhere. I suppose that confidence in one's "head" is at an all-time low.

Curiosity got the best of me and I walked to a campus bookstore and bought a clipboard so I could do survey "interviews" to uncover the truth about this dark reality that has consumed our youth.

The critical question I asked was "why do you wear a cap?" 140 out of the 141 that I asked all said "To show my individuality" or "to establish my own unique style" or "to signal that I am a non-conformist" or some similar horseshit.

The one guy who had a different response? He said "I am going to play baseball". I felt so sad for that young fellow...

(Message edited by blissman on August 24, 2006)

I hear there's a move afoot among professional baseball players to stop wearing hats. They say they're tired of everyone asking if they're going bald or in a gang.

Ok, ok, OK! Enough already!

I have been swamped with hate PMs after Catocony so graciously published my oh-so-stylish photo and my strong personal feelings regarding inappropriate wearing of specialty headgear were revealed. It seems that some felt the elegant hat that I was wearing in the photo implied flagrant hypocrisy on my part.

Bullshit! That hat is what is known as a "railroad cap" in my part of the world and is indeed specialty headwear. But I was wearing it legitimately.

I remember it like it was yesterday (instead of two weeks ago). I was basking in the glorious afterglow after a great short-step cha-cha-cha three-hole session with Murdice, the friendly neighborhood GDP (Guard Dog Programma). She appears in the photo with me. I was waiting on the afternoon GM&O switch-engine to arrive to carry me to the Annual Helen Crump Memorial Barndance and Goatfucking. Jumping a freight car calls for the proper attire, hence the railroad cap.

To those of you who assumed that I was wearing the hat without just cause, eat shit and die.

(Message edited by blissman on August 24, 2006)

I didn't mind the hat, but I did think the tube top was a bit much

I thought the dog was wearing the hat. That was you on the left?????

Both had ties on.

But the dog did a better job of tieing (sp?) his.

SF Hombre, that is no tube top, it's a bib. If you have ever had a really, really slobbery BBBJ you know why she wears a bib. Murdice is not just another pretty face, she is an oral wonder. She can suck-start a Harley and does it often, just 'cause she can.

Bwana, I expected more from you. It is pretty damn insensitive of you to pose a question like that to a person has yearned to develop dyslexia all of his life. Pretty damn insensitive. Fortunately, there are several persons on this forum who can help you overcome this type of callous behavior. Cato? Teach this boy how to speak diplomatically and politically correct, ok?

Cato: Yes, we both had ties on. It is becoming rather "chic" in these parts for a GDP (Guard Dog Programma) to sport a loosely-tied, oversized tie. Murdice is known to accessorize well in a community famous for fashion trendsetting.

LAGuy, I do not know much about etiquette in your neck of the woods but around here is considered polite for a fellow to tie a lady's tie after daytime three-hole sex. Failure to do so would indicate a serious deficit in one's upbringing. I tied both ties. Hey, it's not your fault that you did not know any better...it is the lack of culture that you live in that failed you.

Before you ask: It's still dead.

(Message edited by blissman on August 25, 2006)