----------------------------------------
The women say they love "black Americano" and "we want the leche!"
----------------------------------------
"the place (Help) is filled with 7/8 with a sprinkle of 9's."
----------------------------------------
"these women genuinly enjoy their jobs."
----------------------------------------
"Some girls fake digging you just to session with you and some really just want to screw your brains."
----------------------------------------


Taboojw, great pics. I loved Lucianna and Susana, so a big muito obrigado for sharing those with the community.

But dude, I am not sure if it just comes natural to you for being an "ugly-american" or if you were joking.

But, these are professional sex-workers and not at all typical respresentative of a brasiliera.

Translation:
"Black Americano" - I like Stupid Men... Typically more free-spending with the money to get some pussy. In general, allow the penis to do more thinking than the head on the shoulders. Odds are some of the most disgusting Help girls will find some black american guy to take her out.

"Want the leche" - ...because I Want Money.
It is less effort to say "leite" than "dinero" and more an ego-boost for a man.


I don't go to Help anymore, but I thought it was hilarious to see who usually bought the bottles of champagne and plates of crummy food while sitting with a bunch of ugly whores, thus the statement of "the place is filled with 7/8 with a sprinkle of 9's."

You guys really believe it too when they say "they love getting pounded" by a guy 3 times bigger than them too?? You really believe they "genuinely enjoy" fucking several different guys everyday. Most take drugs to cope with it. In fact they enjoy it so much that some commit suicide. A lot of them are married and/or have children, so it is the only thing close to making enough money. Just to give you a clue they all fake "digging you" because if they showed you differently then they would not last very long working there. The ones who show clearly how they feel end up back at the shopping mall earning 2 days pay in a month, yes about 600R.

Not to start any flames here, but Taboojw you don't know Brasil and neither does Don nor Gilbertpie nor myself.
You experienced brasilian sex-workers and that is it.
Your statments are ignorant and uninformed.
BTW, the restaurant you ate is called "Carretão". Write down "carratone" and show it to a Brasiliero/Brasiliera and he/she will think of you as just another
stupid american tourist. Since you live in Miami, I am sure you've been to South Beach. So I would ask when you see the thug-brothers riding
their crotch-rockets, the high-priced call girls walking in the black dresses, and the generally plastic-type people on Ocean Drive do you think that as America and Americans too?
Personally to me, it is just a tourist area with bad service and high prices, generally pretending to be something they are not.
About 3 streets that represent a fantasy, kind of like the 3 steets you saw in Rio.

cinoleche you sound pist off at the world brother, we all know they are working girls and that's their job but i wonder why i had the same experience he did and was averaging 100R per girl, sounds like there is a whole in your theory and your self esteeem HATER.

Puny-Slayer, I think you should re-read my post because you clearly misinterpretted it. I don't doubt you are fucking garotas for 100R, probably even free some nights too. Last I checked though I don't think the termas 4x4 would accept that.

So what is "my theory"? Did I even have a theory.

I expressed an opinion (or subtly a statement), that I think young know-it-all guys fly their bad-asses down to Rio after watching a Snoopy-Dog video thinking all brasilian girls are ho's.

So, I am not pissed, lack self-esteem or whatever you are talking about.

What I described is to be labeled as a "concern". I am concerned that apartments aren't be rented out as much because now americans aren't just tourists, just "sex-tourists" (meaning there is no discretion anymore). The attitude is brasilians are just "bitches for fucking".
I am seeing more scrutiny in customs -- bags being checked, passports being more closely looked over, more questions that I and others have never gotten before.
The level of talent has definitely decreased, yet the attitude of the typical tourist has certainly gone downhill too.

I could go on and on about this, people can flame if they want but there is is a direct correlation to the type of tourist going there now and the level of talent, treatment by Brasilians, etc.

Yes, I go there for sex. But, I don't go running my mouth in Help screaming "da Nigga is da houz! and come fuckee black americano dick".

The garotas know it is their job. Why the "black americano" has to remind them of it is really what I question. Or is it to remind them of themselves(??)

Nothing against the author of the trip report. Like I said I am grateful for the photos he posted. I expressed my opinion that his viewpoint of Rio is wrong and ignorant. And based on his illiterate writing style it would be hard to convince me otherwise.

-----------------------
She was very sweet, but very talkative. We were like shut up and put this in your mouth!
-------------------------

Wow, you are the man bro. She was sweet, but yet told her to shut up and put it in her mouth??

Good job. Now I know why "they love black americano" so much. (sigh)

Wow, just wow! I am at a complete loss for words Cinco.

I guess I do have to respect the fact that you are a straight shooter, you dont mince words. You made sure that everyone knows exactly what your views are, there is no questioning on where you are coming from.

Oh God, I can see hate emails coming my way from the brothers. Who's next -- Mello, TheRightWay ... LOL. Those guys usually get all bent of shape over the slightest hint of an attack. Call in the NAACP ... whaaa-whaa (here's a tissue for you). LOL.

So Thumper, I know you write some good stuff.
But seriously, go back and read the stupid shit the guy wrote (if you can even comprehend it).
It is both pathetically funny and distasteful someone can really be such a low-class idiot.

Every young dude going down wants to be like Snoop-Dog (and his hip-hop thong video) or Patrick Ewing. Fucking unbelievable. And people wonder why Brasil now gives out 90-day visas, counts stamps, scrutinizes passports/luggage, etc. So yeah that is the part does affect me so I do care.

Cinco, can I buy you a beer! Nice to see someone objectively speaking his mind and not afraid to tell it like it is! Nice response..

@ cinco:
Fuck off you racist piece of shit.

How did u know I was watching the snoop doggy dog video...last time I check people from this board go down to brazil to fuck ho's.
January 07 Here I cum
I understand there is a certain way to treat people if that's what you are getting at.I totaly agree with you on that one.
Far as what the hoe does on her own personal time, I don't give fucking rat ass what she does on her personal time...I am sure she feels the same way towards me. I am sure there are other ways to make it in Brazil other then prostituting...Why don't you be honest and say those girls took the easy way by selling themselves....I can hear already they have kids...well that is somehing they should of thought of before they fucked loser.
If anybody thinks a hoe is telling the truth you got something coming to you.
Cant make a hoe into house wife and also keep your mind on your money.

(Message edited by blacksnake14 on July 17, 2006)

wow a patrick ewing reference , cincoleche isnt a racist , I know him

No hate mail from me Cinco, I take my hat off to you. More power to you dude, I wish more mongers were upfront with their true feelings. Trust me, you arent the only monger who cant stand seeing American Black men (young or old, doesnt matter) in Copa!

I hope you continue to travel to Brasil and enjoy all that it has to offer. There are enough girls and space in Copa for everyone to enjoy themselves, no matter what nationality they are

Cinco is right on a very major point: the quality of garotas is piss poor, and has been getting progressively worse over the last 2 years. In that same time period, the number of complete asshole Americans and Europeans has grown as well. As more guys go down, the level of intelligence goes down, just like anything else. It used to be a fairly small crowd who were the "early adapters". Now, it's more like WalMart, and I think the declining quality of the garotas shows that. Race doesn't have a lot to do with that; anyone who's been going down for more than a few years knows exactly what Cinco is saying. I think the ratio of black to white/European mongers is about the same, just the numbers overall number of idiots of all stripes is way up.

And for the record, anyone who says they average R$100 for their garotas is either completely full of shit and/or they spend their days doing short-times with faveladas working the streets.

Finally, I know that Brasil has a big shortage of black and mullato brasileros, that's why they love black Americans so much. They're just tired of fucking all of the lily white brasileros from the favelas all day long, plus us honkey tourists, and just can't wait for wannabe Snoopdog to land at the airport to live out a rap video fantasy with them.

Hahahahahahaha. Hey my brothers take it easy. Take it easy. The young brother who went to rio with that attitude is yong and dumb. When we were his age we were the same(maybe). Cinco is right in what he says its just that it is coming across angrey. It would be nice if Cinco and that young brother could get together over a drink. I think the brother would have a better understanding of his report. I am sure in time he will want to rewrite it for us all and Cinco would be proud of him. And I bet that young brother will pick up the check for the drinks(hahahahaha). Those of us who have had the chance to travel in search of these beautifl women know that it is not about the color of your skin or were you come from or how big your dick is. That is only our imagination. It really boils down to the moment. That wonderful moment that know can really write about. Its the CLIMAX.(hahahahahahaha).
Thanks Cinco. Thanks my brother. God Bless the women of Brazil.

Yes, the quality of garotas in Rio is piss poor, so none of you should come to Rio. Please stay home and fuck those fine American girls in LA, Miami, NY, etc. Especially you, Catocony

My big problem with taboojw is he got to actually fuck Luciana while I had to sit home dreaming about fucking her.

Caras! Ficam tranqüilo.

First of all, it seems as if Cinco has a problem with accepting the fact that this trip report is just an expression of the author's own opinion(viewpoint). Who are you to tell anyone that their "opinion" is wrong. By the way, will you please stop mentioning me in your posts? I can't recall ever meeting you.

Once again, here is a white man trying to tell a brother how he should act. I say fuck you, you sound jealous to me. We have different cultures and most of us gives a fuck on how you think about us. HATER

Been to RIO last 6 years. Girls getting worse and uglier. Dollar weak and everything more expensive, air, apartments, food and girls. Lots of girls in Rio hate black americans because of their attitude. Most Girls to eupope where euro stonger and better pay. Later.

toungefu I think people should follow certain rules , we should all work together to try and sustain a good thing.


We have different cultures true but we arent talking about welchs grape vs. coke , newports vs. marlboros , new rims vs. paying the telephone bill, were talking about acting like grown men, and we should all have an interest in keeping the prices low

The skanks at meia pataca are asking the eqivalent of 100 us or more for short time , of course you can chew them down but all of us black white or whatever should stop paying 3 weeks salary to these girls for 2 hours, we should also act like we want guests to act when they come to our house / country , if we dont we wont be welcome anymore , alot of wealthy brazillians still live in copa and have pull , do you think they want to see topless putas at posto 6, with a jackoff from kentucky sucking her titties?

Who do you think got the postcards banned? dont think theyll get prostitution banned if people dont be a little more discreet? wake up or wallyworld will be closed and well have nobody to blame but ourselves.


oh yeah stop yelling at the movie screen when you go see a movie too please.

(Message edited by larrydavid on July 21, 2006)

Hey! That jackoff is from Tennessee, not Kentucky. Right Layne???

IMHO, it's just entertainment. I'll be damn if my hard-earned money is spent the way someone else wants me to spend it. I joined this forum to access the wealth of info on Brazil and Rio, not to get advice from people on how to spend my money.

very well stated mello

Well this thread sure did create a bit of controversy. Of course, those with enough intelligence understood my points...and well, those without had nothing more to say than "hater" and are ignorant as ever.

I've been to Rio about a dozen times, sometimes for as long as 4-week stints. In a relatively short period of time, I've seen a place like Help go from school girls, secretaries, and similiar working class girls who wanted a little extra cash to now mostly hardcore, rough, favela type girls in trashy outfits smoking one after another cigarettes. Once I've learned to speak some Portuguese, the girls are absolutely stupid to speak to now. Not so much stupid in education, but I mean trashy, low-class type of talk.

I've got to known several termas girls over the same period. They used to go to Help to make some extra cash, but now they won't. Some independent girls and semi-models won't go there either. They claim there are far more idiots there than ever.

On a recent trip this year, I witnessed something I could not believe seeing in Rio. 2 american guys dressed (race unmentioned) in overized Dallas Cowboys jerseys, gold-rimmed sunglasses, each carrying a boom-box on their shoulders blasting some 50-Cent song while walking down the street of Nossa Senhora de Copacabana. I am talking music loud enough to be heard a block away. Those passing by on the sidewalk looked on upon with bewilderment and general disgust.

Fuck, I mean this was their first trip vacation to Rio so who was anyone to tell them how they act. Afterall, they only came there to fuck them chain-smoking, ripped jean-skirt, gawdy 4-in high white pumped heeled ho's that come down from the favelas. I mean they probably would have taken a piss right there on the sidewalk too, but again who's the fuck to tell them how to act. Shit, it is just Copacabana where all the girls are ho's for fucking anyway.

I will comment on price since it was mentioned repeatedly. Do you guys have any idea the costs an attractive looking garota goes through?? Personally, I like a girl who has her hair done, manicured nails, perfumed, lotioned, douched herself, etc, etc. Just to prepare herself, she is spending of her own money anywhere from 40-70R. Whether it be a Help garota or a termas garota, they spend a decent amount of money on themselves. It is totally unrealistic to want to pay these girls 100R. I ask the question how many bad-smelling pussies have you experienced in Rio? In all my termas experiences, not a single one. For all the others, there was just one case and it was very mild. I can not say the same thing about American girls (whether pro or normal). So I believe 150-200R is fair. I'd even pay 250-300R, but I don't believe that quality even exists there. 400R is absolutely out of the question and so is a hourly rate of 200R. Yet, girls are getting that from tourists who don't know any better.

Some guys mentioned not giving a fuck about the socio-economic factors of the circumstances. They are there to vacation. The thing is....keep fucking things up, acting like complete assholes, etc. and it won't be too long before it won't be affordable nor enjoyable to vacation there anymore. Help and termas Monte Carlo (in my opinion) has already gone this route. I can't tolerate going to either one of them anymore. To me they've joined the likes of Copacabana hooker beach and Meia Pataca on the low-class, low-quality yet expensive venues.

In fact, anything somewhat tourist affiliated is not worth it anymore. For a good and affordable mongering experience, speaking Portguese is now almost mandatory. Calling upon independent girls and Centro and 2nd-tier termas are now the only way to go.

I'll probably make another run at Rio this year during a non-holiday period. After which, I am seriously considering other parts of Brasil or even Argentina/Colombia.

I disagree, cinco, 100 is plenty for a short time if she spends 50 a week on all those cosmetics , thats not enough overhead to justify 250 for a short time, I dont think they dousche either , a friend of mine said they she wears a yougurt soaked tampon sometimes to keep the xaninha smelling nice.

Cinco, instead of constantly coming on the board to bombard us with negativity, complaints and criticism about fellow travelers in Rio, why not try another country. I hear Russia has alot of college students/semi models and secretaries to choose from.

I am sitting at the internet cafe right now and I am headed to Monte Carlos, hopefully, I wont run into any of those trashy low class favela women on the way:-)

(Message edited by Thumper on August 12, 2006)

Tell Carlos hello for me.

Cincoleche,

Please take Thumper's advice.

LD.
I don't call all-night for 150-200R as short-time. If pulling a girl off the beach or M.P. then yes 100R for short-time is fine, but the other stuff does really add up for longer time. I am talking about a termas run for 4 hours and paying 150-200 for the evening with an exceptional garota. Those are fair prices.
We probably have different tastes in women, but I've seen what the girls spend on the hair salon, manicures/pedicures, beauty products, tanning salons, gym, etc. I can assure you the girls at the higher-end termas don't use jogurt either. It is an anti-bacterial creme/gel in a long tube they literally shove up their buceta.

Thumper/Mello.

I can only surmise you must envitably resemble the ignorant, uneducated, low-class travelers I speak otherwise you wouldn't called yourselves out like you did. However, thanks for mentioning Russia to me, although I don't speak russian nor do I like cold weather so I will pass. I happen to really enjoy Brasil, just not certain venues of Copacabana. Now, if you 2 guys would be so kind what other places you go besides "Monte Carlos" I would really like to know so I can avoid those places too since I am more of a gostosa-garota kind of guy.

Since this board is for sharing, perhaps we could consolidate our information. Perhaps we should start our own thread.

Rio places for the likes of Thumper/Mello (or for your canine-pooch you bring along) :
so far I've got....
1.) Favelas
2.) Meia Pataca
3.) Monte Carlos
4.) Help at 3am
5.) Girls leaning on cars on Avenida Atlantica
5.) Inner-city US ghettos (for quasi-brasilieras)


Rio places for the gostosa-garotas:
1.) Termas with 50%+ portuguese-speaking garotas who can't say "fuckee-suckee", perhaps "fuckee" or "suckee" separately but not together.
2.) Mostly any place NOT 3 blocks surrounding Help Disco.
3.) Independent escort garotas who can't say "fuckee-suckee" at all.
4.) Possibly Ipanema beach, but only if they don't say "hi, how are you?"
5.) Possibly Russia (according to Thumper)

(Message edited by cincoleche on August 14, 2006)

I think we have hijacked Taboo's trip report long enough, unfortunately, it has turned into something, which it was not originally created for.

CincoLeche I hope you continue to enjoy Brasil and all that it has to offer. Hopefully, one day I will climb out of the ghetto and I will reach your level of sophistication, intelligence and class! Thank you for all of the positive responses and extremely informative trip reports that you have posted. You have truly made the board a better place!!

(Message edited by Thumper on August 15, 2006)

Thumper. You are very welcome. I do wish you the best of luck rising out of ghetto streets. You've at least taken the first step -- admitting to it.

In regards to trip reports, I think most has been covered by Bwana's Guide and I don't need to give lessons on the fine art of slapping a girl's ass, handling problems with police and dealing with padded restaurant bills. Again, for me and many others have no use for this information when going to Rio since we don't experience it EVER!
(You may just as well also post how you deal with your "downe-low" situation when get back to the US too ).

In my dozen trips to Rio, I never once even gotten any kind of a "look" from Police let alone a bad one so it must just be you. Once I show my passport at customs, it never leaves my locked safe or suitcase and never been asked to show ID anywhere for anything including big-ticket purchases. Then again, maybe it is my look of "sophistication, intelligence and class" I portray.

My trips vary entirely away from the 2 block radius of Help such as banging a whore at hooker-beach, then one at Meia Pataca, then grab a pig or 2 from Help and describing in detail slapping a dick in the face and slapping her ass. Sleep till noon, then repeat each day as before.

And lastly, don't recommend to me or another member to go visit another country when you only know the little narrowminded world of NYC-Copa.

(Message edited by cincoleche on August 15, 2006)

Cincoleche,

You make a mix of valid and invalid points, but as far as I'm concerned, your manner of making them is unnecessarily hostile and insulting. In contrast, I give Taboojw, Thumper and the others major credit for the friendliness and civility of their responses and the fact that they open to considering what you having to say, given the way you choose to say it, and given that you are still hostile towards them even after they thank you.

As far as I'm concerned we should be able to say whatever it is we want to say in a friendly, constructive, respectful manner. If not, perhaps it's better saved for a private conversation as opposed to a public board that's intended mainly for sharing information.

Rioguy.

You are right my comments are insulting to those who may be offended by them. I've come to realize it is a fairly hopeless situation of: Stupid is, Stupid does behavior that has become more prevalent in my observations.

I will close with one last question: Would you rather be insulted on a public internet forum or insulted in a place
you travel 4,000 miles, spend lots of money on a trip and spent lots of time planning?

Personally, I'd rather be called an asshole, hater, racist, etc on chat board....than

1.) Sitting at Kices Sucos enjoying coco con leite and some loudmouth who can't order the juice he wants because he can't speak the language. So, he yells "there, there, I want that you idiot!" pointing his finger at a board of over 20 types of juices. For one the waiter doesn't understand the word "there or want" and second it is impossible to differentiate
if the guy is pointing at Mamau or Morango. How insulting to the customer for such a stupid waiter.

2.) Sitting at T.A., enjoying a cairprinha and another asshole gets upset and angry because some garota had been ordering
champagnes at 12R all night but is too stupid to notice. He throws his chair back, stands up and threatens bloody murder for "allowing him to get rip-off!!".
This continues for 20 mins, until the manager comes out and politely tells him to leave whereby leaving the garota
agreeing to pay for them (eventually). Fucking stupid insulting waiter and garota.

3.) Relaxing at MC with a cute garota on my lap, whilst 2 other guys are slapping hard the ass of another garota saying loudly, "oohh, I want to fuck dat azzzz" eventually the garota storms out of the boite. God damn fucking insulting whore.

The list continues and it is quite factual, but I am afraid I would be hurting someone's feelings since I am so insulting.

90-day visas, problems with police, items stolen, inflated restaurant bills.....gee, never a problem for me the "CH insulting, racist asshole".

For the guys who I insulted, I THANK YOU! Really, THANK YOU! THANK YOU!.....I mean really THANK YOU!!
Without your help, I would have never discovered the many other parts of Rio to have a good time. THANK YOU! again and again THANK YOU!

Once again Cinco, you are 100% correct! I have never heard of any monger on this board having ever beeen stopped by the police, either on the street or in a taxi and asked for ID. Guess its just me:-(

I must have the worst luck in the world, because I am the only gringo in Rio, who has ever had their drink bill padded! And to think that I wasted board space by comenting on these two things, which never ever happen in Brasil. What a fool I have been. I am so sorry I have wasted your time, I am sure someone as intelligent and sophisticated as yourself, has much better things to do than read my ghetto ramblings.

Oh, and as far as the "down low" comment, not sure why you would say such a thing. I am very much straight, but I have no issues with gay men, if they are happy, more power to them.

Dude, I thought brothers on the DL always do say "I am very much straight"?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Down-low

Alright, I will actually take that insult back. I am sorry as I don't know you and it was uncalled for.

Thanks for the PM btw about meeting. Seriously, we should meet at 4x4 as I suggested. I mean I'd rather be kissing a garota than speaking to a New Yorker (about how great NYC is I am sure). But, if you get your drink bill padded there I'll help you out.

I guess what you did not get in all of this is something called RESPECT and DISCRETION when visiting a foreign country, especially a country the US has marked as sex-tourism.

That little bar-code on your passport sure can tell people a lot about you when they want to know.

Shoot me a PM when you go to Rio. Peace brutha.

Is that what they say? I dont know, but again, gay people are cool with me. I have a lesbian friend, who is like a sister to me. She pulls some hot women from the clubs, let me tell you!

Trust, I am 100% being low key in Rio. You wont catch me running around with diamond teeth, gold sunglasses or my pants half off my ass (I am way too old for that foolishness) Although, there is a very good chance I will be wearing my Derek Jeter or Troy Aikmen jerseys:-)

Again, big apology to our new member Taboo for taking over his trip report, this wasnt the place to have these comments flowing back and forth.

Two posts really stood out for me here amidst cincoleche's ridiculous bashing of another monger's report to suit his own redneck agenda:

I don't understand what the beef is. I see this trip report for what it is: the VERY enthusiastic report from a first timer in Rio. It clearly captures his awe of Rio. Other than his writing and narrative style, I'm not sure this report (or his experience, for that matter) is that much different than most everyone else's, regardless of race, religion or wealth.



but as far as I'm concerned, your manner of making them is unnecessarily hostile and insulting. In contrast, I give Taboojw, Thumper and the others major credit for the friendliness and civility of their responses and the fact that they open to considering what you having to say, given the way you choose to say it, and given that you are still hostile towards them even after they thank you.

Taboojw, thanks for sharing your experiences in Rio and for posting pics. Glad to hear you had a great time, and that's what it's all about.

What is offensive about Cincoleche that he doesn't seem to be able to differentiate one black man from another, so he insults all of the black members on the board as though they're the very same individuals that he cites in his examples, which is totally out of line. In addtion, he projects such an intense hostility towards the individuals in his examples that he undercuts any constructive points he might otherwise be able to make.

I'll add my thanks to Taboojw and let's give this thread a rest.

Porker?? the guy whose never even been to Brasil??
For someone who writes "Reading Brazil reports, I have always been fascinated by tales of Help" you obviously never been to Rio. I thank you for your intelligent insult and you've changed me with your words of wisdom.
You can now go back over to the Asia board where your opinion matters.


What's funny about all of this is I have actually received a few PM's applauding and agreeing with my assessment of the type of tourist and type of talent going downhill in the past 2-3 years.
It is just expressing opinions fellas and some people agree and some don't. I am only making factual observations since I've only been there 7 times in the past year!

But why post a Trip Report if you don't expect some comments.
Damn, maybe I should have just said hot photos dude, keep them coming.

Instad, it really hit a nerve with me about the more prevailing type of tourist going to Rio these days.


Who knows maybe some newbie reading this will think before he boards the plane with fellow brothers waving Bwana's Guide
around amongst plane mostly full of Brasilians (yes, I've seen that).
I can understand a 5yo wearing his Micky Mouse ears on his first trip down to Orlando
and telling everyone he is going to Disney World. You are excited as I understand it, but it IS different.

Culturally, I don't why some of these fellas have to announce to the world they are going on their whoring-vaction
and then while there remind Brasilians in Copacabana of it too. Even coming back one time, 2 brothers ahead me were asked
a customs officer what they were doing in Brasil. His reply looking back grinning to his brother
"I went down to get some hot pussy" with an air high-5.

I take my hat off to these fellas, they sure don't have any shame.
Like I said, keep it up you've done a fine job so far.

wat a fuckin moron

Who?

DL-

Only trolls dig up old threads and try to re-start pissing matches. "Troll" is another term for "fuckin moron," in case you were wondering.

I hope we are not in a "here we go again" situation. Regretably, the last of any note still hasn't been resolved in the manner in which it deserves, i.e. ala Turk or KidCisco.

Laguy,
when are you going to start your flying lessons.
I will put in a good word for you.

CFK: I'm still trying to get over the "water landing" thing. It is even worse than you described, as Wikipedia "if it is on the internet it must be true" indicates:

"The phrase 'water landing' is also used as a euphemism for crash-landing into water in an aircraft not designed for the purpose. An intentional water landing during distress, but under controlled flight, is called ditching"

United Airlines constant references to "water landings" during their so-called safety announcements have, I am afraid, scared me for life. Maybe even more than their poor service before and during their flights, although I admit that would be a truly high bar to surpass.

Moreover, even ditchings don't sound very good to me as I am not a good swimmer, and am not convinced I would be able to follow the instructions for using a water flotation device to overcome this limitation. Perhaps rather than flying lessons what I need are lessons on how to use flotation devices.

So, I'm afraid flying lessons may be out of the question at this point.

(Message edited by LAguy on October 13, 2007)

Should have been "scarred" me for life, not "scared." One of these days I'll get this spelling thing down.

After 10-12 hours on a plane with the United Hags and Fags Flight Attendent Society I can say you could easily be scared for life.

Laguy,

"The phrase 'water landing' is also used as a euphemism for crash-landing into water in an aircraft not designed for the purpose. An intentional water landing during distress, but under controlled flight, is called ditching"
I told you so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cat,
the true meaning of "priceless"...
Having Laguy onboard and telling a flight attendant to go whisper in his ear "we're ditching" , but don't tell anyone just yet!

Heaven for you both: surviving a ditching only to be marooned on an island with United Flt attendants; hell: not enough bullets.......

Anything to add CFK?

U.S.Air did an outstanding job ditching today. There has only been one other successful one on record. The unique feature Airbus installed on the aircraft that allows for closing all openings on the aircraft in the event of a water landing certainly added to the aircraft staying afloat aiding rescue operations.
Now if only Laguy had been aboard we could have had a first hand report! Personally, I don't even like to fly over swimming pools-seriously! Adding to that the water temperatures when flying over the North Atlantic, etc makes for some justified nervousness.

CFK

CFK, no wonder you don't seem too interested in flying over the Pacific Ocean, and checking out Asia.

The lack of blondes also probably detracts!sf4dfish

Sf4dfish and Laguy,

just remember, flying is simple, you just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

I hate flying over H2O ! Actually it's not the lack of blondes, previously I have stated that IMHO they all look alike and it would just be too confusing. [Apologies to Khun mor] I would be more confused than my dog in a car simulator.....seriously, can you imagine returning from the restroom, and asking 10 girls which one was your date? It would end in disaster.

I agree there are definitly some hotties tho

CFK

Laguy is apparently too traumatized by the visuals of the Airbus landing to respond...

Laguy was apparently so traumatized by the Airbus landing and the passengers standing on the slightly submerged wing that he has withdrawn into a fetal position, from which he cannot post....

CFK:

The answer is practice, practice, practice! After a couple of hundred Asian foxes you will learn to tell one from another.

Of course, learning some mnemonics may help. For example, they all have their favorite eating bugs. Some like to eat grasshoppers, others like cockroach looking things, and so forth. So, all you need to do is ask them what their favorite eating bug is, and then form a permanent mental image of them chewing on that particular bug to use as a memory crutch. If you do that, you'll never have the problem of returning from the restroom without knowing who your date is. Just think bugs!

Good luck, and now that we have taken care of your one remaining impediment to Asia I look forward to seeing you there!

I apologize for the last post. Actually, I AM traumatized by the water landing thing and that might account for the politically incorrectness of the post.

But the reasons for my trauma are different than what Hunterman seems to suggest. As a result of the successful water landing, I have now become the laughing stock of the entire aviation world, and, believe me, it doesn't feel good. Among some of the derogatory things being said about me out there in aviation world:

(1) Remember that idiot who whenever there was an announcement to the effect of "in the event of a water landing" used to mutter under his breath (just barely) "do you mean 'in the event of a crash into the ocean that kills everyone on board'"?

(2) I still can't believe he used to raise his hand during the pre-flight announcements and ask "Could you please tell me how many lives in the history of aviation have actually been saved by the so-called flotation devices. Wouldn't it be better to remove them from the aircraft altogether and replace them with something useful like bigger seats?"

(3) He should be ashamed of himself for asking: "Isn't the only function of the flotation devices to keep passengers from sinking after they die in an airplane crash thereby giving the airlines one last opportunity to screw their passengers by depriving them of a proper burial at sea?"

(4) Similarly, where did he get off claiming the only reason for the pre-flight safety announcements was to provide one more excuse for the flight crew to avoid doing something useful like providing service to the passengers (hell, he had some nerve suggesting the flight crew could be serving drinks or doing something useful instead of demonstrating how to wear those useless yellow balloon like devices).

I now feel so shamed. And ultimately it is the geese's fault. Damn geese.

(Message edited by LAguy on January 17, 2009)