Last weekend I made a unexpected trip to Costa Rica to visit my daughter (she was in an accident but is ok, thanks for caring.) While in her home her mother asked me what I did to the toilet. "Huh? I did nothing! What are you talking about?" She laughed and said that after I went to toilet the level in the bowl was considerably lower than normal. Together, we visited the potty in question and even after subsequent flushes the level in the bowl level stayed low. Poking around in the tank revealed nothng unusual, the level there was normal. It worked fine and momma was not upset. We shrugged it off.

Earlier today, the same phenomenon occurred in the master bathroom of my home. Perhaps I have spent too much time in Central and South America and have been influenced by the strong superstitions there, but this is really bothering me. My background involves deep studies in fluid dynamics but nothing quite explains this. I have done a few searches but nothing quite describes what I have experienced.

Does anyone have an explanation for this occurrance? Any physical or metaphysical theories?

I am about to take some measurements of my plumbing system and will let you know if I find out any more pertinent information.

Thanks in advance for your sincere responses. You guys are the only people I can trust not to make fun of this situation.

That's some funny... **ahem** shit

Your trust is misplaced.


BTW

I can think of nothing physical or metaphysical that you could do to permanently alter the water level in the shitter without adjusting the water flow or level in the resevoir tank.

Just when I thought we wouldn't be plumbing any new depths around here, things plunged right into the crapper. I'm flushed with concern over this state of affairs.

Well, after reading this thread, I too took some measurements of my plumbing system. It is the same size as it was last time I measured: 5 inches.

Should I be grateful?

5 inches, you should be UPSET!

Bliss, you are worrying too much...it's PFM!

Did you flush the toilet paper down with the pinched loaf?

Might be there custom to throw the toilet paper in the garbage can instead?

I'm not sure about the water level in Costa Rica but at your house in Alabama, the answer is pretty easy - outhouses don't have water, so of course the water level is low. When it rains it will come back up again, hopefully not too much.

Two things that affect the water level in the bowl are the length and strength of the "suction" that eventually drains the bowl, and the amount of water that refills it.

In general, there isn't much you can do about the draining of the bowl. That's going to be affected by lots of things, including the contents of the bowl.

You can tweak the volume of the refill. The "flapper" valve that starts the dance when you push the handle sometimes has a hollow space to let it "float" for a bit after you release the handle, to ensure that more water flows through. Check to make sure that the flapper is in good shape, and has no cracks or missing bits that might screw it up. Also, make sure that if your water is hard or scaly, there isn't a built up layer of iron or scale weighing it down.

Smitopher: Thanks for your input on this. But I cannot figure out how turds with a sharp sense of humor can affect the water level in a toilet bowl.

Kuhn Mor: I am equally confused by what happened. But nothing was adjusted either potty. It appears that the level is even lower today. Freshly dropped loafs are making skid marks as the slide down the porcelin. I think you are wrong about my trust being misplaced the people here are eager to help.

Murasaki: You seem to be one of the few here who grasp the gravity of this situation. I am concerned that this is only the beginning. Don't be surprised if we are soon decended upon by a plague of locusts.

SF Hombre: I always wondered what the English translation was of that nickname that all of the terma girls called you. Now I know, "Horseman."

I suspect a gravity field created by very massive and dense turds. Consider eating more fiber.

Copperfield: I thought I could count on you in this crisis. But you devoted nearly as much typing to SF Hombre's dimensions as you did to my crisis. And what the hell does PFM mean? (face in hands, muttering "what is wrong with these people?"

Metal: I have been drowning toilet paper in Costa Rica for many years and in my home for over a year. I had a good bit of potty trouble until we started importing toilet in these parts in late 2005. Those corn cobs sometimes had trouble
navigating the sharp turns in the piping.

Catcony: I distinctly remember telling you about the explosion and fire that I had in my toilet a while back. (thank God it did not reach the house!) I upgraded to indoor plumbing at time. Harrumph! You think I fell off the turnip wagon yesterday? That happened several months ago.

Gnomes of Zurich: Thanks for your careful study
and intelligent approach to my problem. I ran all of the checks that you suggested and found nothing amiss. All of the hardware is fairly new and the level in the tank continues to be normal. I also checked the specific gravity of the water in the bowl and it was just under 1, normal for tap water. There was a suggestion in my PM box that I might be dealing with "heavy water" but the gravity reading suggests that normal amounts of tritium are present.

To all: I am leaning toward believing this is a metaphysical problem. After a recent breakup with a brasiliera gf that involved some serious
dishtossing she began calling me wanting to patch things up. She said "You will receive a sign that tells you that we should be together." Normally I would just brush this off but now I remember all of the little religious symbols and odd little
dolls in her apartment...hmmmmm. Could this be the "sign"?

Please do not leave me alone in this. It could happen to you next. Please continue to help me through this difficult period of time.

To each of you take this lightly just remember: It happened to me and it could happen to YOU!

Hot4Ass: A while back when I was on the "All Cheese" weight loss diet that was all the rage this might have been the case. I came off the diet because of the disturbing clatter that the loafs made before they splashed-down in the bowl. With the bowl now at an all-time low tide that clatter would be intolerably long and cracked porcelin could be the result. But these days I eat a fair amount of fodder and sawdust and now potential "loss of containment" is a bigger worry than high-density turds. But you are putting in the correct qulality of thought that is going to be required if my problem is to be solved. Thanks!

Blissman,
After Cat's response there was nothing I could
say in your defense!
"'m not sure about the water level in Costa Rica but at your house in Alabama, the answer is pretty easy - outhouses don't have water, so of course the water level is low. When it rains it will come back up again, hopefully not too much."
P F M = Pure Fuckin Magic

Maybe you have unique turds that soak up water like sponge. We should have a sample for further study.

Hey, everyone go look at Blissman's Pad Pic, maybe the answer lies within...

Grownd Zero: Thanks for the thought but turd samples seem a bit gross for a delicate spirit like me. I suppose I could try to mop my floor with one to see if it is overly absorbent but I am just too refined for that, blueblood that I am.

Copperfield: What the hell you talking about???

Hey, did I actually complete a post without a significant word left out, a word repeated clumsily or, could it be possible that there is less than two run-on sentences, I cannot believe it is true, can you?

It is the work of the Chupacabra

Bliss, looking at the Pad Pic, it's apparent you are three bricks short of a "full load".
Also, your post was well written, excepting 2, that's right, 2 commas. Apparently them there schools and ENG101 done ya right! LOL

Quest: does the water lvl change much with alcohol consumption? ie:more beer, higher level?

Copperfield: What exactly do you mean "does the lvl change with amount of alcohol consumption?" Do you mean if I drink less one day would it affect the level in the potty?

Uh....how the hell would I know???
I

(Message edited by blissman on July 10, 2007)

AndresB: Thanks, I feel a lot better now.

Blissman,

Ambient air pressure is the culprit, causing the water to refill at a reduced level. Don't take a shit when there's a "Bermuda High" over the southeast.

It's either that or your cheap neighbor has tapped into your water main. Knowing where you live, it's probably the latter.

Jag

Thanks for the input, Jag. But Ambient air pressure is definitely not the cause of my problem. I only take it tablet form. I did not even know that Ambient air pressure was available. Is a prescription needed for the air pressure dosages also?

Btw, what is a "Bermuda high"? Is it sorta like a "Jamaican high"? If it causes your toilet bowl level to be low I am really surprised that so many people find it appealing. There is a guy in my neighborhood with really long dreadlocks. I think I will talk to him and casually ask about his toilet bowl level.

I think Jag is correct...
While most people assume that your venting is just a way to get smelly gases out of your system, proper venting is actually necessary to ensure that your system flushes smoothly.

Taking a shit without proper venting can pull fluids, leaving your system out of balance.
If prior to that first crap everything had been fine for you, you have to assume that you are somehow obstructed. You might get lucky and be able to remove this with your fingers, but more likely the problem is further inside...you never know, something may have crawled in there and died.

Using a stick is not advisable as not only may it damage your plumbing, the stick could break and only compound the problem.

I would suggest getting a garden hose and shoving it in the hole. But don't open the valve too far as pressure could build up and possibly do critical damage....and I would wait until after dark, as you never know what the neighbors might think when they see some crazy american up on his roof shoving a garden hose where it doesn't belong.

The only thing these two commodes have in common is you, therefore we can logically assume that you are somehow to blame.

First we must confirm what transpired. Are we correct in assuming that your only interaction with said commodes was urination and defecation? or were any other activities involved?

If only the two aforementioned events transpired, all indications point to your physiological makeup as the culprit.

I suggest having the following lab work done:

urine
stool
blood
semen (just in case you were, well, you know)

If collecting all four specimens is inconvenient, you could always just send in a pair of your boxers.

Try restraining from cumming so often. Or, eat more eggs...it will help you get more volume. Or, shove an ice-cube up your ass, then have someone shove their finger in and have them give you a rigorous prostate massage/squeeze...after the first ice cube melts, let your prostate gland warm-up, then give it another good finger squeeze. Then repeat the process over and over using more ice cubes. The cold, then warming again application with rigorous prostate massaging/squeezing will help expand your prostate...ultimately giving you more volume. Perhaps this will help your reservoir/volume problem? Oh, by the way...you want to be near the shitter when you do this.

Glad to help.

AJ

DonGringo: Love it when you talk fancy! Words like aforementioned, urnination, defecation...you need to compete in the full contact extreme scrabble tournament at this fall's county fair here.

As you suspected, I did a #1 and a #2 into the potties in question. And in younger years I used to whack off sitting on the bathtub and aim for the commode. This distance and accuracy training paid great dividends especially in Termas and other recent venues. But now that I can knock out a traffic light with no hand corrections I no longer unload semen into the comode. Except at work.

I gotta say your idea of specimen analysis is a good one, who would have thought that you cpuld be so wise? I peed, bled and ejaculated onto my underwear and wrapped them around a chunk of pressed wood. I stuffed the boxers into a Fedex Overnight envelope and sent them to you. Really nice of you to take on such a proactive role in solving my problem, Opie.

PS: After you complete the studies, please return the chunk of pressed wood. My really nice Family Dollar Store barstool is gonna look really tacky until I glue the chunk back in.

Thanks again. Asshole.

Alecjamer: First, let me thank you for your detailed plan for helping me with my problem. Second, how well did you do on those reading and comprehension tests back in elementary school?

My location and age has helped much with your first suggestion, restraining from cumming so often. And at roughly 240 pounds I really do not think vollume is my problem.

The third suggestion...shoving ice cubes up my ass, someone shoving their finger up my ass, vigorous prostate massage, etc...uh...well, when DonGringo said in another thread that I had always been like a brother to him he did NOT mean it literally. He probably takes the therapy you described every time he gets the sniffles.

AJ, soon I am going to move my dishwasher to another location in my kitchen. While I am certain that you would come up with a very creative strategy for this work I have decided to let a plumber take care of all of that. Thanks anyway.

Ejack: Thanks for the idea for clearing the toilet vent. Now, do you have any ideas on how to get my fly rod out of the damn thing? Thanks in advance.

Geez Bliss...I already spent quite a bit of time figuring out an appropriate response, and I thought I was clear. I should follow my own advise and just never get involved. Well, I guess I helped you dig this hole....

Why is it that most guys seem to spend every waking hour trying to figure out how to put things in holes?? Probably most here think that is what this website is about....It's not!

Many guys here can tell you from personal experience that getting into the hole was comparitively easy...but extracting themselves from the hole was complex, time consuming, often painful and almost invariably expensive.

If you must follow your male instincts and put things in holes, you should also plan your exit strategies. Getting in is easy...getting in and out again can be difficult. Explaining the ins and OUTS is the point of this website.

Okay, for your immediate situation, you're probably lucky your problem is in Costa Rica. Here in the U.S., laws and customs have evolved which make the solution quite difficult...They want you to first consult with experts...They may demand that you have authorities approve each step of the process...You have to document everything, and work through complex paperwork...The people who actually do the work must be trained and licensed and will charge accordingly. It could wind up costing you a great share of your property value dealing with that hole.

But your problem is in Costa Rica, and I must admit that, having never been there, I am not knowledgeable with their hole culture.

Seeing as you're from Alabama, I'm certain that you understand that the most straight-forward solution involves a sledge-hammer, a hack-saw, and a shovel. But you wouldn't be here if you were intending to use such crude methods...and even in Alabama this simple solution is not without its risks. Also, although things might go back to functioning properly, it leaves a cosmetic mess that must eventually be dealt with.

So...let's evaluate this again from the beginning...It's all about problems with holes, and things in holes.

The original problem was that while the reservoir still seemed full, the receptacle didn't seem to reset to its original level after you'd finished. While it was getting the job done, the reduced fluid levels were troubling you. You sensed a problem and your intuition was probably right since your relatives were noticing it too, and were laughing.

Since this happened twice at two different locations, if the two are not closely connected, you should assume you are doing something wrong. On the other hand, if the two are connected, the problem is likely one and the same....and I still say someone or something is screwing around somewhere in your house.

Anyway, now after being warned you went ahead and stuck the thing in the hole. Is it really necessary to extract it? You never said...was the original problem solved?

If things have returned to normal, I'd be tempted to just leave well enough alone for now...you can find some other way to hook your prey. If you really need your pole out of that hole, I would try delicate, subtle movements rather than wild thrashing and jerking...large moves often exacerbate the problem and get you lodged in ever tighter. If you try too much force, that hole is going to break your pole.

You're intending to get a new dishwasher anyway, right? Assuming this dishwasher is going to become a permanent fixture in your home, you definitely need to be certain your plumbing can satisfactorily carry the added demands.

Personnally, I would wait and deal with all these problems at the same time...get rid of the old and worn out, whatever isn't working, no matter the cost. Just remodel and get on with your life.

Ejack1, I believe you and Blissman are from the same litter! S C A R Y

Ejack, I am sad to report that I did not exactly follow your suggestions and perhaps a museum-quality 100 year old flyrod was not the best tool for the task. Your admonition to use a garden hose rings in my head.

Well, first, the original problem is in Costa Rica in the home of my daughter where she lives with her mother. What I did not make clear is that I returned to the US and the second level event occurred in the house where I live 1600 miles away.

Secondly, I agree that much of our focus is extraction strategy. Earlier this year one of my exits was spiced up a bit by a brasiliera emptying her entire kitchen of dishes by throwing them at me while I hurriedly packed and scurried out the door. She is also the one that said later that our breakup was a mistake and that I would "receive a sign that we should be together." I am still just a bit worried that the back-to-back toilet malfunctions were "a sign". God works in mysterious ways they say and whatever the force is that makes millions of brasilieras toss gladiolas into the ocean on New Year's Eve is pretty strange also. And this extraction was one where I did as you advise: "If you really need your pole out of that hole, I would try delicate, subtle movements rather than wild thrashing and jerking...large moves often exacerbate the problem and get you lodged in ever tighter. If you try too much force, that hole is going to break your pole." Well, I did not break my pole but a well-hurled coffee cup almost broke my nose. And my pole is still not completely out. She called today. (face in hands)

So, since I do live in a Third World region here in the states, there is not the beauracracy that would normally complicate yanking antique fishing gear out of a toilet vent. But my neighborhood is somewhat, uh, pretentious and I do not want to draw additional attention to my home. The neighbors are still trying to get over my 22 year-old Panamanian spinner house guest last month who found riding my lawn tractor around the streets in my neighborhood to be an irristable adventure.

Thanks for the advice to get on with my life. I have bounced back from tragedy before. Thanks for your kind guidance throught this tough patch of my journey.

Hey Bliss,

I think you're bullshitting me....There is no chance you're got a hundred year old museum quality rod. From what I recall of Alabama, there are simply too many opportunities to catch things. I seem to remember that even out behind some truckstops there was occasionally a small pool of slimy-scalies waiting for a hook....of course they were catch-and-release, I can't imagine anybody wanting to eat them.

Anyway, now you're trying to convince me that you're showing off a 22yo spinner tied to your 100yo flyrod...and the neighbors are looking at you funny.
What do you expect?

Copperfield,

Don't worry...while I'm certain it's never happened, even if Bliss and I inadvertantly dropped our poles in the same hole, that doesn't make us related.

To make my point, I believe I have found a cartoonitised documentization of Bliss's extent familial connecteds from a few counties over.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKpCwRdFvUY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMK6xjfTGBc

Ejack1 AND Bliss: I am speechless, totally fuckin speechless. You two are siamese twins! obvioulsy separated somewhere out behind the shed, probably with a can opener, on a Friday the 13th, by a runaway circus midget out on parole, and married to a pyscotic pole dancer that formerly dated Bill Clinton WHILE he was Gov. of Arkansas, but only during the first summer, as Hillary was too stupid that particular year, and didn't care during the prior one. Additionally, the fact that you both totally and unequivocally understand each other to the letter of the note, serves to scare every damn sane member of this board. It appears that now we need a poll to decide if the two of you should be rejopined in order to protect the animals, God bless them! Please have your person (people-hell no!) contact the appropriate personas in order to finalize the judgements rendered. And don't even bring up that damn rod again...as for the lawn tractor, the neighbors will obviously blame it on (who else) John Deer, who probably was out of town at the time the whole water level incident occurred and therefore should not (in the least bit possible )be held accountable for any of your nightmares, not to mention those bad childhood memories you both have obviously suffered for many years.

"Additionally, the fact that you both totally and unequivocally understand each other to the letter of the note, serves to scare every damn sane member of this board." Sane members of the board? EJack and I are one of a small handful that even have brief flashes of lucidity.

Furthermore, your rant starts off by saying "I am speechless, totally fucking speechless" and then commence to rattle off 700 words with hardly taking a typing breath. I think it would have been more accurate to start your post with "I am totally unable communicate except in a rambling, fear induced babble-speak."

There is more. The lawn tractor that my sweet spinner enjoys so much is RED! RED! It is not a green tractor. RED! I once had a green tractor and was emotionally absorbed by it. When I was a young adult I found myself in a hostile and dangerous place far from home I would often escape the terror of my day-to-night-to-day life by imagining myself under the blazing sun wearing a large straw hat with overalls and plowing the rich fertile earth of my homeland on that large green tractor. These fantasies would keep me centered and staying centered kept me alive. I was strong. I could handle anything. Then one day I got a "John Deere" letter.

No more green tractors in my life. I would have sex with gringa before I would own another green tractor. And I have not had sex with a gringa in over 6 years.

I know you did not know this story when you brought up that J--- D---- shit. But I thought you would want to know.

I am making arrangements for EJack and I to have a festa at VIPS. I have invited my three favorite sets of siamese twin brasilieras including the albino set. They are the ones that are connected at the shoulder but their legs are at opposite ends. Indian leg wrestling at its finest.

Sorry, I only had a second to write. Later I will make corrections on what you assumed my childhood was like. Toodle-oo

(Message edited by blissman on July 17, 2007)

Ejack: I do own a very old flyrod and it is in perfect condition. At least it was until I dropped it down the toilet vent. (glares)

I never did try to imply that I had my panamanian delight tied to my flyrod. I did impale her repeatedly with my personal rod however. She's more fun than pulling a greasy string out of a cat's butt.

Ohhh!Thanks for the videos, they were wonderful! Did these get reviewed at Cannes this year? Sometimes they never find the truly great cinema. Strange. I spent last night watching the videos over and over. I like those videos as much as green-headed fly likes a freshly dropped doggie turd. Please forward any more cinematic gems you find.

The level is coming back up in the northern toilet, waiting for a report from down south. Not sure why it happening but I have a theory.

Thanks for everyone's concern and assistance.

Just a brief followup. I finally was able to retieve the flyrod from the rooftop toilet vent. After many evenings spent up on my roof carefully lowering gob hooks attached to an ice-fishing rig, I was able to finally snage a grommet on the fly rod and pull it out of the vent.
Unfortunately, it was not before the neighbors videoed me "nightfishing" down my rooftop toilet vent illuminated by a Coleman Lantern. The video is now approaching "viral" popularity on YouTube. Some folks simply do not have enough to keep them busy.

Anyway, thought you would want to know the "Paul Harvey" of the ordeal.