This is as off-topic as anything could ever be on this board, but you guys have always given good advice on almost any subject about women.

Two weeks ago I found out that one of my first girlfriends died of breast cancer. We had been friends for years while growing up, got really involved for about four or five years and then broke up, and lost touch when she married a cop.

I got married, divorced and took up mongering big time for 10 years before getting hitched again last year.

Since I learned what happened to my old friend and former lover, my head is really fucked up and I am having some 'problems' in the sack.

Anyone have any ideas? I've had advice so far ranging from letting time cure the problem, all the way to my needing a kick in the ass. Wish it was that simple.

Thanks amigos,
ECJ

Ecjuan
I am sorry for your loss. Here is my advice for what little it is worth. 1. Give yourself time to morn. 2. Formalize the process. give yourself a fixed amount of time to deal with it say a week then take a time out for that period, no partying, no T.V. nothing to distract yourself if you can, head away for the week NOT to Rio, but somewhere quite and out of the way. 3. Try to come to terms with what you are morning, it might be more complex then the death of an old flame. After you get back and if you need to go see a grief councilor, they can help. 4. After a few months (about three) set a side a week to celebrate life do something grand and over the top, give yourself something to look forward to wile you are coming to terms.

I hope the above helps, as for the other stuff take it as a symptom of what you are going through, don’t give it too much power, let it go for now. I am sure once you have dealt with the bigger issue it will sort itself out.

sorry to hear about your loss. We live, we die... Celebrate the time you had together and don't waste the precious time YOU have left...

Juan,
Sometimes.. as we age, we wonder where did my life go? I, we, always remember our first love with fond memories, and think.... what if???
I'm sure she was a wonderful woman, but life is for the living, so go on enjoying the little time we have left and and instead of wondering what if, just cherish the time you had together and when her memories pay you the next visit, enjoy them, relish in them and thank the man upstairs for the time he let you have with her.

Juan,
For what's worth, I've been there ... and done that.

My wife and I were married for about 3 years while in our late 20's. No children, quite a few good times at first, then our different interests grew us apart.

She remarried and had 2 daughters while in her early 30's.

Did you know that women who put off initial childbirth until after age 30 run about 4or5 times greater chance of breast cancer?

Seems that during the final months of childbirth a woman's immune system is "down" (almost like giving yourself temporary AIDS) and diseases that might not otherwise occur until the senior years can opportunistically crop up during the 8th/9th month of pregnancy.

In my case ... Cindi could either have stayed unhappily married to me (childless) and lived a much longer life ... or ... re-marry, have children, then have her life cut short. Some alternative, huh?

I'm sure if you share your sentiments with your new wife you will earn some points with her for being caring and sensitive (to any woman's life dilemma).

Did your former lady have subsequent children?

Try to be sensitive, share your grief when appropriate, and as others have said ... be grateful for the time you have and hopefully make it count in a sharing way.

Best wishes, my friend!

Thanks for all the advice, amigos. I'm finally starting to work my way out of the blue funk. My wife hasn't been very understanding. How the hell can a woman be jealous of one that is no longer with us? Oh well...I guess she will get over it.

ECJ