(With apologies to Clement C. Moore)

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the Zona,
There was no beer on tap... nope, not even Corona.
The street girls just stood there with dew in their hair,
And hoped against hope some lone wolf would be there.

The mongers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While luscious Latina babes danced in their heads.
The bars were deserted, the streets held no bustle,
No dumb gringos in sight for rateros to hustle.

When out on Coahuila, there rose such a clatter,
The bar chicas sprang to see what was the matter.
Outside they all scurried, so lively and quick,
And they knew in a moment, it must be St. Nick.

Sure enough, there he was, in full Santa Claus glory,
But his sled had crash-landed... now, what was the story?
As he surveyed the damage, he angrily spoke,
"Those damn reindeer made Santa the butt of a joke!"

They'd unhooked the latch, and his sleigh they did jettison,
Now here he was, cursing and hungry for venison.
Those nefarious mammals had hurtled him down,
To the red-light district in this fair border town.

The ladies all laughed as they got Santa's drift,
And he said, "While I'm here, let me give you your gifts.
Pray tell, in this bastion of sin, sex and vice,
Just how will I figure who's naughty and nice?"

A young chica spoke, "I'm the naughty one, Nick,
Who hummed 'Jingle Bells' on your whistle-like dick!"
Most embarrassed, St. Nick turned away and grew red,
This risque revelation gave reason to dread.

But another girl chimed in, and then yet one more,
And all present realized... he'd been here before.
His secret exposed, he extinguished his shame,
And pulled out his black book, and called them by name.

"Now, Alma! Now, Suzy! Now, Wendy! Now, Sondra!
I've gifts for you all! Jessica! Alejandra!
That Chicago Club hottie that comes in soprano,
And that cute young morena who likes it por ano."

Truth be told, old St. Nick was a wise TJ vet,
He would shake Mrs. Claus, and then southward he'd jet.
A regular man about town, that was he,
Nick knew all the street girls in ways carnally.

From the bars in the alley to sleaze dives on Revo,
No joint was too lurid to draw Santa's heave-ho.
He'd even, one night, out in search of a wrinkle,
Indulged, on a whim, in the horrors of Kinkle.

Fichas at Chevalas, massage at Azteca,
He'd tried all the means to please body and pecker.
There wasn't a soul in the zone he disliked,
(Except, on occasion, that damn Texas Mike.)

Adelita's red curtains, they beckoned him now,
He recalled a wild romp with one nympho-like gal.
She was waiting inside, she had heard of his landing,
He led her upstairs with his member now standing.

And she told him, "Now Santa, for sex to be sweeter,
First we kneel at the Altar of St. Adelita."
To a Tweety Bird doll they expressed genuflection,
Then 'twas off to the room to appease his erection.

And no sooner had Santa been rendered unclad,
When his fave told him, "Nicky, you horny old lad,
Feliz Navidad!" with a wave toward the hall,
And all Nick could do was just look on in awe.

Every TJ sex worker of feminine species,
Had gathered outside for to offer him freebies.
One by one, they all stood there and shivered sin ropa,
In a queue down the stairs, down the street, past La Tropa.

Good ol' Santa was sexed like he'd never been sexed,
A few sucks, a quick screwing, and then it was, "Next!"
They all worked their magic on Santa's Yule log,
And more than a handful did taste his egg nog.

When they finished, he lay there in sexual bliss,
Thinking, "What did I do to deserve such as this?"
What caused such good fortune, he couldn't surmise,
But outside on the street was one final surprise.

Eight reindeer were parked there aside Adelita,
With mirth they did greet his erstwhile favorita.
'Twas no prank, but a present, when they sent him down,
They'd conspired to make him the one dude in town!

With one parting gift, which was wrapped in a bow,
A holiday Tropical cheeseplate to go.
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

So they were off, for to finish their rounds,
"Farewell, Tijuana!" they rose up with a bound.
And all heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!"

I have a visual of mongers telling this story to their grandkids by the fire on Christmas Eve night. -well done

-snapper-

Outstanding, Farsider!

Thanks for the Christmas Cheer.


StrikeEagle

FaRsiDer you crazy bastard! One of the best postings i've ever come across Bravo!!

I just read it again this morning while watching the stock market.

Just outstanding.

Bill "the famous author" from reading did a good job of teaching you to write.

By the way ,your writing is much more fun than the market today.

Bravo, bravo, Farsider!

Hey, who says the zona never closes...

I thought I'd bump this thread back up for those who may not have seen it last year. In the spirit of the holiday season...