Guide To Translating "Personal" Advertisements

Ad / Reality
Independent Thinker / Crazy.
High-Spirited / Crazy, hyperactive, and throws things.
Free-Spirited / Crazy and irresponsible.
Ample / Large.
Huggable / Larger.
Zaftig / REALLY Large.
Fat and Sassy/ Large and loudmouthed.
Slender / Skinny.
Svelte / Anorexic.
Petite /(I am) Short.
Petite (you are)/ Size 2.
Dynamic / Pushy.v
Assertive / Pushy with a mean streak.
Excited About Life's Journey / No concept of reality.
Moody / Manic-depressive.
Unpredictable / Manic-depressive and off medication.
Soulful / Manic-depressive and quiet.
Poetic / Manic-depressive and boring.
Looking for Mr/Ms Right / Looking for Mr/Ms Rich.
Very Human / Quasimodo.
Uninhibited / Lacking basic social skills.
Irreverent / Mean and lacking basic social skills.
Aging Child / Self-centered adult.
Freedom-loving /Undependable.
Young at Heart / Over 40.
Youthful / Over 50 and in major denial.
Chatty / Never shuts up.
Humorous / Watches too much TV and never shuts up.
Financially secure (I am) / Has a job.
Financially secure (you are) / Rich.
Affectionate / Horny.
Romantic / Horny.
Passionate / REALLY horny.