With full credit to Dogster:

Mongering as Self Medication
Webmaster: Hombre
Posted by Dogster on January 09, 2002 - 11:32 am

In Reply to: No Longer on a Roll posted by Ben on January 08, 2002 - 14:57 pm

Allow me to take a time-out from my smart-ass posts of the past week.
Ya know, I think that many of us can help ourselves by acknowledging that there's a self-medication aspect to mongering. The concept of "self-medication" comes from the drug addiction and treatment literature. The idea is that at some level, we are drawn to prostitutes because we have difficulties dealing with painful emotional experiences, past and present. We all hunger for loving, nurturing, fulfilling sexual relationships with women, whether we admit it or not. Some of us avoid being in committed relationships because we tend to end up with women who seem intrusive, or dishonest, or worse. We may also cringe at the puritanical, restrictive sexual expectations so typical of our American culture. Others of us are simply burned out from significant or repeated rejection by the women we have coveted. If our childhoods involved significant loss, rejection, or lack of connection, the pain truly runs deep, although we may not be aware of it.

In other words, some of us are vulnerable to the "drug" of prostitution because of preexisting emotional pain that prevents successful adaptation to adult life. Going to prostitutes is an attempt to fill up psychological holes resulting from existential pain. (Hey Beavis! He said "holes" Heh heh, huh huh)

If you are a "self-medicator," it makes sense that you'll seek more than simple sexual contact with the chicas. Especially after the most incredible sexual encounters with a prostitute, you may paradoxically feel empty and unfulfilled at some level. In other words, you received what you thought would be 100% fulfilling, and it wasn't. (in the same way, many lottery winners ultimately are miserable. All that money isn't as fulfilling as they expected it to be). It makes sense that you would want more (i.e., perhaps that deeper emotional connection that has been elusive for so long).

If you believe the self-medication theory applies to you, you can help yourself in various ways. The first is simple awareness. This is an awareness that going to TJ is more complicated than just going to have a good time; "just boning chicks". The act "serves a function"--the function of reducing pain; of trying to approximate a loving yet eternally elusive relationship.

From there, you are in a position to see that there is psychological pain, along with pleasure, from going to prostitutes. They can provide you with incredible, affirming sex, and they may be very enjoyable people. But the chances of them providing that ideal, nurturing love relationship is practically nil. (And, their choice of career doesn't exactly correlate with loving, nurturing, monogomous, devoted, reliable behaviors, in case y'all haven't noticed). Even though we know this at some level, the part of us that craves more will actually suffer following yet another elusive encounter.

Ultimately, I think a mindful, nonattached perspective is the key. Be conscious, experience things as they truly are, and recognize that suffering is something generated internally. (If you don't think that sounds totally wierd, check out buddhist and yogic perspectives... Cool stuff.)

Obviously, I enjoy spoofing the whole concept of deep emotional attachment to TJ working girls (e.g., my thread, "I married a TJ Prostitute" from last week). It isn't that I think y'all are fools for wanting more from them. However, I think the desire isn't based on rational or realistic thinking. I struggle with the same feelings periodically with ma favoritas. In fact, I think the TJ working girls have much to offer us beyond the roll in the sack. Most importantly, I believe that the pain that many of you feel now does not come out of a void. You may think that it was caused by the experience with a particular chica, but in fact the pain has been there a long time.

gotta go fill a psychological hole.

I agree.

With full credit to Dogster:

The Joy of Bareback Sex
Webmaster: Hombre
Posted by Dogster on January 11, 2002 - 4:40 am

Natural, bareback sex is just incredible, pure and simple. The physical sensations of total contact are sublime and deeply satisfying, as nature intended. The contact is smooth, flowing, free and spontaneous--cornerstones of peak sex that add to the moment’s mutual heat. Heaven is when you are inside a girl who is beautiful, enthusiastic, vulnerable, and drenched with excitement. As you hold her and she holds you, you feel her in all her expressive glory. Your bodies take over and deliver you…
The joys of bareback sex are easy to find in Tijuana. Some girls are well known for offering themselves most fully, and if you find them, the effect is blissful, as evidenced by glowing reports. Yet others will drop their usual restrictions if the money is right—the dollar speaks loudly. Other girls prefer pure contact with a select few who are reliable or loyal customers, or who are especially alluring to them. If you prove yourself to her and she becomes more comfortable, the real contact often emerges eventually, as you communicate to each other the aphrodisiacs of trust, specialness and mutual sexual satisfaction. Yet other girls save unhindered intercourse for their novios, who touch them deeply, comfortably and fully. If you find yourself in this exalted special status, you experience other powerful aphrodisiacs. You learn that you have sexual power, good looks, superior sexual skills, and a way of getting through to women who have seen it all and somehow picked you. Bareback sex is possible with even the safest of girls. Condoms break or slip off, providing moments of intense sensitivity. If you have staying power in bed, the condom’s structural integrity will eventually erode, especially in certain positions. Condom failures are exciting in their own paradoxical way. Sometimes chicas miraculously encourage you to continue as is—“It’s OK.” “Come on my stomach.”

You naively thought anxiety, guilt, anger, disgust and sense of danger would protect you from crossing the line. Far from it, they create and intensify magic as you plunge deeper into the erotic holy grail. She may or may not use the birth control pill. Paradoxically, and naturally, this gets you hotter, harder, closer. You’ll take care of this girl. The child will be beautiful. You’ll be safe in the US if you need to escape. She won’t get pregnant this time. You could get very sick from taking these risks, but you’ve found the edge before and it makes you feel alive to be there. The Edge... another turn on. Anything that feels this good... The sense of shared danger makes you settle in more. She expects nothing from you and does not feel an attachment to you, and yet she is giving you this—it turns you on. It feels good to break the rules, as you are entwined, belly to belly, with a beautiful stranger.

Each of us craves bareback, natural sex, whether we are aware of it or not. We seek it in subtle and not so subtle ways. (Maybe that’s why you are a little stunned right now.) Our sexual essence is intertwined with the untidy pursuit of being human and is therefore illogical, complex, passionate, unpredictable and very powerful. Letting go is the easiest thing in the world. Choices are difficult.

I hope y’all find this entertaining and not too intellectual. Another hilarious post.

Happy paradoxes

Dogster el nefario

Dazed: I just noticed that you posted this stuff. Thanks. I'm glad that you found it compelling enough to re-post.
Everyone: I posted some more stuff in these areas on the Mexico discussion--some serious, some satirical. When I posted some of these, esp "bareback sex," I had no idea how they'd be received. I figured I'd be flamed by many here at CH. The latest was a discussion a few days ago with Matiz and Redongdo (and others). Maybe someday when I have a free moment (Hah!) I'll post the rest here...

I forgot to say--there were *lots* of excellent replies to these posts. They are archived along with the original posts in the Mexico Discussion archives...

Dogster,

Yes, information important enough to save for future reference. And needed to hear especially for a sick fuck like myself. Although I've cut out all BB sex I am down to a rare BBBJ and trying to quit going to the zone altogether.

I really still don't care about myself but I been realizing how much I care about my wife.

If it was just me I might still be bangin' my little "novia" Ariceli sans condom. Like I said I
am a sick fuck but I'm getting better.

Dazed and still Innocent

Dazed
thank you for pointing out a fact that sex is a drug.
I will do any thing in my ageing years to keep the effects as strong as my highschool days.
A task is as difficult as some times just getting it up.
I know i am just trying to feed my addiction of
sexual additition that has gone south with age and many years of being with the same partner.
The fantisy of a 18 virgin wanting to have your baby is so over powering that the little head takes control of the big one.
Condom what is that?
Your my fix you can't hurt me.
We all go to tj for a fix for what ever reasions
young or old or whatever your justifactions dictate.

We are fortuniate to be among friends here.
Sex is a drug and we are all in need of a fix.
Some of us get it at home.
Some get it by use of hand .
Some get it the quick encounters with a SG.
Others seduce the thought of love with a professional ,
that loves me more than the money.
There is a butt for every toilet seat. We all have are own reasons for our actions.
The one thing with sex we all have in common is that we all want to O. D. on it.

ask

Ask,

Ain't it the truth.