Posted by TJResearcher on March 23, 2001 at 05:32:17:
In Reply to: Re: great advice and.../too bad your married ;-) posted by raiders on March 22, 2001 at 22:48:09:
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My husband lives 3000 miles away from me this year :( I visit him every month (thanks to discount online plane fare). Yes it sucks to be away from him, but its a worthwhile sacrifice considering I'm getting a PhD and will be able to contribute a real income in a year or two. I hadn't planned on him not joining me, but he ended up with a good job which helps support us while i'm in grad school - He has been the best friend and lover anyone could ask for. He is patient, kind, generous, funny, smart, and is (hardly ever?) overwhelmed when I'm worked up about something. He loves me, he appreciates me, and he encourages me to do what I want to do with my life. While I love making new friends, I don't have the urge to "date" someone else (if that means any sexual or romantic involvement). I've grown up with primarily male companionship, and while I usually have a few female friends which are closest to my heart, hanging out with the guys is exciting and unpredictable. The guy who grabbed me in the club grabbed my crotch not my ass - my escort is my older neighbor who is such an awesome guy, and totally safe for me - he is gay! He is also totally familiar with the gay side of the scene downtown, thats why we started there. And he would have kicked that guys ass, and really, what would have been the point? Bravado is only necessary when in a dangerous situation, escalating a disrepectful gesture into a bar fight in Tijuana isn't the smartest move (men!). I'm completely comfortable around people of all sexual orientations. Their orientation doesn't apply to me, since I'm not hunting anyway. AND I don't have to deal with people making passes, having expectations that I will refuse to fulfill, playing mind games, etc. Of course I have an emotional bond with my neighbor. He is awesome, kind of like a "dad" in the field, only a "hip" one. Yes I'm finding stuff out about myself. I'm a strong independent and likeable young woman who can take care of herself and even enjoy being on her own when she has to. I've learned that I'm adapatable enough to get along with and have fun with people with totally unfamiliar backgrounds. I've also learned its ok to NOT like some people and to just stop trying to encourage them to like me. I've learned that I can tell when I'm being 'marked' by someone who is considering taking from me what isn't their's to take. I've learned how to say no and mean it. I'm also learning how to handle sexual advances from people who see me as 'available' even though I'm not. As to the researcher being researched... The first fieldwork experience is supposed to be profound. Thats why all anthropologists have to do it. We all take different things out of it, but it makes us more adept at seeing things from a radically different perspective. My second book will be self-reflexive. Self-reflexivity: Realizing your position vs. others in your life; Commonly dissmissed by older anthropologists as too 'self'-centered, ungeneralizable (i.e. non-scientific), and undermining the anthropologists authority; highly prized (yet risky) endeavor which permits others to see human frailty, honesty, and who scientists really are. Did you know that anthropologists are still expected to keep 'separate' journals for these kinds of ideas - compartmentalization being the key... PS. As to me being shapely, I didn't say that! I eat too many tacos! I'm definitely overly volumptuous. Put it down to my hedonist past. I'm out and about more now though.... Oh yeah, I've learned that walking along the beach is a worthy daytime activity!
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