been there done that. but just to be clear, there were no repeats.

I only did Bia maybe once or twice, now that I think of it maybe 50 or 100 YES!.

Funny, I was walking home along Nossa Senhor and guess who I see pushing a baby carriage?? Bia! She is with some geezer as old as CFK (only with more teeth).

I was thinking of telling her that the consolation prize for the guy on CH who had not done her was a nekkid photo of Hemp and, happily, I was not one of these unfortunate guys.

I am still alive so you can guess that I never said a word to Bia and her CFK lookalike.

I am thinking of having Christmas Coffee Cups made with a photo of me naked on one side and a photo of Bia on the other. I will be offering these to all my CH buddies as Christmas presents. PM me with the quantity you would like to order $12.95 each "Gift Boxed" - How many do you want CFK? - Hemp

Will the coffe cups be covered or uncovered?

MM

MM both are available but I highly recommend the "uncovered". Fyi CFK just placed an order for a gross but his credit card was denied? Sorry CFK. - Hemp

Anjinho,

so she had to settle for second best! Did you get a close look at that kids face, it could have been Hemp JR
In the event I accidently get one of the uncovered versions of the infamous mug I shall put a cuzy to good use. That was not an order for a gross, I said that was gross!

Now all will understand the meaning of the cup being half full.

I did not really get a look at the kids face. The miniature airline jet and forklift hanging from the hood of the stroller obscured the view.

Anj, you forgot the cigarette dangling from the babies mouth......so the kid had his hand in his diaper with holding the yoke....

Between the two of you I have no response, I am ROTFLMAO........good ones guys!

CFK

Curious --

Was Bia not good to you? I never sessioned with her, but talked with her a number of times. She always was sweet and nice to everyone as far as I could tell.

She is out of the business. Isn't it time to wish her well and move on.

Bia,

been bery bery good to me

Mmmmmmm!

I'll be there soon. My "Cheers" in Rio.

5th from the left looks like Bia -

We'll have to see what CG says, since he knows her way better than you

Actually, I think the one 2nd from the right looks more like Bia

Yep, that looks like her, in fact I think I bought those shoes.
CG

CG thanks for the confirmation buddy. Goes to show you Hemp knows Bunda when he sees it!

Hemp,

I think you took "little Hempy" out and used him as a divining rod, thus enabling you to make the correct choice.

CFK - Si Amigo!

Worst Session Ever!

She seemed so hot, standing by the door of the boite, giving me that “fuck me” look as I entered from the relax room. She was very “brasileira:” small breasts, a nice, round bunda, long wavy hair, and brown eyes. Tamires, she called herself, a “Carioca da Gema” from Jacarepagua. We spoke for a while, and she was quite affectionate. It didn’t seem like pure marketing, but with these girls one never knows.

Tamires passed the interview with flying colors. She said “adoro chupar” and I confirmed that this meant sem camisinha. She then asked me “quero comer meu cu?” At this point I handed her my key and went to the showers to clean up my act.
In the cabine things started promisingly, as she did a cute striptease and finished by taking off my robe, pushing me onto the bed and grabbing hold of my dick. Good, a girl who takes initiative!

And then the session began its death spiral. A “chupa sem camisinha” meant licking the side of my dick while grasping my balls way too tightly. I convinced her my balls were not grapes that needed crushing, but could not get her to suck my dick. She’d lick one side, then the other, stroke it 15 times, and then repeat. This went on for about 2 minutes. I tried to explain nicely that this wasn’t doing anything for me, and suggested she suck instead of lick. I reminded her that the verb “chupar” is not a synonym for the verb “lamber.” She then explained that she was afraid to touch the end of my dick because there might be fluids there. Well, no shit. So what? I told her I’d wipe off any discharge, and she made a go of it, but would stop every 10 sends and wipe my dick off with a towel and spit in the trash can. Very sexy!

It was extremely obvious that this wasn’t working so I told her so, but she said “wait a minute” because she wanted to try something else. The something else turned out to be shoving her finger up my ass. There were a few problems with this. First, my ass is “só para sair.” Nothing goes in there unless the doctor orders it in. Second, she was trying to do this without any lubrication. Third, she had really long fingernails. Now, what would possess a girl with really long fingernails to think she could shove a finger up a guy’s ass with no lubrication and without asking him? I don’t know either, but she tried and I stopped her immediately, but not before she’d done some damage to the rim of my poor ass. It really hurt!

So now I’m wondering if I can even remain erect with the sharp pain I was feeling. I told her it was time to fuck, so we lay down together and began kissing. I will give her credit as a good kisser. But she had this phobia about pre-ejaculate moisture, and every time my dick would touch her leg, she’d grab a towel and wipe off both my dick and her leg. Jeeeeeez!
Finally, I gave her one of my condoms. Things had to get better, because at least she wouldn’t be stopping to wipe me off every 10 seconds. But things actually continued to spiral downward. First, she put the condom on backwards. I tried to explain that it would roll on much more easily the other way, but she was not deterred. She said that the end of the condom had touched the end of my dick so she couldn’t turn it over. She stretch the damn thing way out and unrolled it a couple of inches, but while trying to pull it down over my dick she lost her grip and the thing snapped my dick like a rubber band. Fuck! I grabbed the thing, threw it on the floor, grabbed another one and rolled it on myself.

She began cowgirl-style, but she was the laziest cowgirl I’ve ever seen. She mounted my dick and sat there. I said something like “it might help if you moved a little” so she wiggled a little, but with no skill or rhythm whatsoever. At this point I asked her if she was really a brasileira. She looked totally perplexed. “Why do you ask?” I said nevermind, and rolled her over to the bottom. This proved no more fruitful. She had zero skill, and every time she moved it was in the wrong direction and at the wrong pace.

Maybe doggy-style would be better? I told her to go “de quatro” and was hoping for the best. It is usually easier to control things from behind. But it wasn’t. When I pushed, she moved away; when I pulled away, she pushed. I grabbed her hips and tried to hold her still so I could control all the movement, but it just didn’t work. After a few futile moments of this bizarre dance I pulled out pulled off the condom, put on my robe and walked out the door, telling her only that I needed to take a shower.

She was actually worse than a starfish. You may not enjoy fucking a starfish, but at least you CAN fuck a starfish. This girl was unfuckable. She is the Anti-Fuck. It was as though she had a cock allergy. She is certainly in the wrong business.

So if you stop by L’uomo, and you see a hot-looking morena by the boite door giving you the fuck-me look, walk on by. In all my years of mongering, across countless destinations and girls, she was without a doubt the worst fuck ever. I’ve always assumed that my “best ever” would be a brasileira, but never thought that my “worst ever” would be as well.

BD Is that her in the media section?
I've had a few like that in my day only lick the sides ect. VERY frustrating. How fucking women with that much aversion to cum ever get into this business is mind boggling

No, that's not her. We'll have to check with John Shaft to see where his "Tamires" works. She looks like a freelancer he may have had in his apartment.

Oh man, I'm glad I was having a top-notch program with the mulatta in the cabine at the time this was all going down. And that was your fly-away, final programa for the trip and for the year. Hey, it was Dia dos Negros and you should have been doing a black girl, or at a minimum a medium-light mulatta, anyways.

And I hear your flight was delayed a couple of hours, a fucked up end to the trip. Thank god Vivianni didn't hop out in front of your taxi from one of the favelas on the way to the airport.

She was a mulatta, Cat. Guess you didn't see her.

So Viviane has not shown up on your doorstep? CG and I gave her your address.

Yes, it was a fucked-up ending to an otherwise great trip.

Unlubed & unwelcomed... hopefully at least she had slender knuckles?

She didn't get that far. She only managed to rip the edge of my sphinter with her fingernail. Unwelcomed nonetheless.

ouch! man, i'm not an uptight dude, but the girls' fixation with sticking a finger in the culo can be downright annoying...sorry to hear about your ring of fire bwana, heh...say, while you're nursing your mangled bung, any eta on your ever-popular, and extremely helpful bwana_dik rio guide 2008 update? hate to pester, but it's always such a great resource, and with a trip coming up in a matter of weeks, i'd love to get the up to date scoop...thanks!

The ETA on the guide will depend on how efficient I am in getting some major work tasks done, but it may not be done until until mid Dec.

The bung is healed, thank goodness. One interesting aspect of this trip--I ran into more girls who were into giving serious rim jobs (beijos negros) than on any other tip. Not sure if there's some word going around among the GdPs that these are popular, or if I just drew a non-representative sample.

BD

supposedly rim jobs are the new blow jobs...i've had a couple lady friends (civilians, not working girls) here in the states that have given them unsolicited, much to my surprise...

i'd never even had one before until my first trip to rio about 7 years ago or so, but they seemed pretty common for me on most of my trips...i gotta admit, i'm a fan...but it certainly makes you second guess your makeout sessions in the boite! lol...

i'm praying your work tasks get banged out post-haste...any chance i can bribe you with some music or something to finish faster? heh... thanksgiving is a great slow period work-wise to do some excellent writing! haha!

Interesting--the poster for L'uomo's Carnaval promotion features Ingrid. I've never seen them feature one of the girls before.



(Message edited by Bwana_dik on February 02, 2009)

The poster at Reception, in addition to Ingrid, has three other girls with ugly Photo Shop masks covering their faces. L'uomo always has these posters up, but never any special deals of which I am aware.

L'uomo's latest promotion: 50% discount on the entrance fee if you arrive before 7:00.

This is an old segment from a TV program, but features scenes from inside L'uomo. You'll see a number of familiar faces. Bia is working the front desk (right), and Shayla works her magic.

Pretty amusing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNHAUu-6Ua4

Bwana, the Tamires at L used to work for scortshow. She can be like that. The other Tamires I met at a terma. Later, she quit and I'd see her when I came to Rio. She'd also bring her cute little friend, Vanessa. Both, bi-sexual and about 19 at the time.

Photos: Tamires & Vanessa - Termas L'uomo 01 02
Photo: Vanessa - Termas L'uomo

I was recently in Luomo and must say how disappointed I am in that place. As soon as I entered, the first garota I see is the infamous
Ingrid (now with her super bolt-on tits). Since I wasn't too keen on fucking someone I had been seeing fucking everywhere since my first
trip many years ago, I gave a half-smile to her and proceeded to the bar area. I ordered a Caipivodka (now a fucking unbelievable 22,90R if you want one without their shitty vodka).

Since, I had already sessioned with 2 other garotas (Jamille and Jacqueline, that I would recommend) from a previous trip I was interested in something new and different.
I decided to settle in with a newbie Morena-Clara supposedly who said she worked for 3 years in/around Sao Paulo. I am always
hesistant about taking garotas that are new to the business, they are usually a disaster in the room but this girl assured me she was "experienced".
The girl's name was Fernanda (or what I will later call WTF). WTF was fairly attractive, straight black shoulder-length hair, nice brasilian ass, and very full lips.

WTF answered my interviewing questions mostly correct. I am not a big fan of anal, so I was okay with a "no" on that one.
But, I know my portuguese well enough to know when I say "sem" it mean without. And "com" means with.
I stressed to WTF that I was big on oral sex with a preferred CIM if possible -- WTF agreed to it all.

Needless to say, WTF walks into the cabine with an opened rubber out. Of couse, I am thinking WTF (What the fuck) bitch....I don't even
have my robe off and she has an open condom ready to go. I said what the fuck are you doing with that? Her response was that she
would never (really) give a guy a BJ without a condom, and according to her not even her boyfriend. After argueing with WTF for the next
10 minutes about the dangers of sex and how she is saving up enough money to buy a salon (btw,are all hairstylists in Rio former GDPs?), I see my time ticking away.
She wouldn't allow DATY either. She gives a so-so BJ and at this point, I am thinking I am just going to give this girl a good grudge-fuck.
Typical situation, she grabs a wad of KY and shoves it up her cunt. Then grabs another wad and smothers my semi-hard member with the cold goo.
Anyway, I tell WTF that she is doing all the work since she lied to me in the boate. WTF goes on to give me the Worst Termas Fuck, (hence WTF).

For me at least, Luomo is now the new MC of a couple years back. I would expect such horrible service from perhaps a Help whore, but not at a mainstream termas (let alone one in which used to have a pretty good reputation).
The reception lady claims they have 30 girls working there, but I have never seen even 1/2 that many.

With their (high-priced) drinks and all, the bill came to over 350R (even with 30R pre-7pm entrance discount). I think I am fair in rating a girl's performance and don't like writing negative reviews -- but that girl Fernanda was garbage in the room. I have written off Luomo and 65 (which isn't even worth entrance fee of 65R), and I am sticking to 4x4, Solarium and MC.

I would have walked out the door after 30 seconds and bitched at Saundra and had the "program" taken off the bill.

Agree with Cat--we shouldn't put up with that kind of shit. Sets a bad precedent.

That is, indeed, the way to handle it. Further, I would wait til she got back to the boite, then walk around and point her out to every monger in the place as lying and untrustworthy. If everybody did that, a girl would either get with the program, or go find work to which she is better suited.

Cinco, sounds like you just made my last point in the 4x4 for me. Shit like this is more common than this board lets on. People just don't want to write about it. I say again, it's a myth that all girls in the termas are great fucks, and that is exactly the impression some people come away with when they are new to this.

I used to like L, but have had four bad visits in a row. And my drinks bill has been extortionate. On my last visit, there were three of the pimps in the bar discussing the finer points of the business. Horrible feeling having the vultures standing behind you when your trying to get in the mood. Got back from Rio on Saturday, only a ten day visit I didn't visit L once. Returning next week, and I doubt if I will visit. Takes a while for the bad memories to clear.

Guys, do not let the girls run the show....if they pull shit on you, just put a stop to the program right then and there! If they pull the CBJ shit on you, or other BS, complain....stop, talk to management, and make a stink! Do not pay for the BS! Now, as far as drink prices - that is another story. Always assume the worst - cost wise - in whatever terma or place with GDP's you frequent. Beers are usually relatively safe, but once you venture into the Red Bull territory you are doomed to be overcharged. Just make sure the girl is worth it...otherwise just say no to the drink request and move on. Remember it is your money - you do not have impress anybody. Now if you decide to buy drinks for the girls, right of the bat you can expect it to be an expensive adventure. I would never go back with a girl that orders a drink without giving me some good vibes in advance (i.e., like making out).

To many of these girls have gotten used to guys that are scared of confrontation and take advantage of that. Well, these guys usually are gringos, because most Brazilians would not put up with the shit. Embrace confrontation and ultimately save your money!

I don't think the complaints are over Red Bulls, it's over drinks for ourselves. The girls are perfectly happy with a coca water or a juice, asking for and receiving Red Bulls is a sign the monger with the key is clearly trying too hard.

Was at Luomo's twice last week and 4x4 once. Didn't have any of the girls agree to my interview questions and then try and change once in the cabine. I did get good service, but I did notice it was not as great as my previous trips. Perhalps I'm already getting jaded by expectations. The best experience I had on this trip was by a garota I pulled out of TA. Still love the termas though.

A few weeks ago,I posted my feelings on L'uomo. Very disappointing. MC was much better. But things seem to change day to day in the world of termas. So I will probably check out L'uono again in November. Who knows!

L'uomo will always have a special place in my heart because of a squirter I used to know there... the only one I have met in the termas so far. But, unfortunately, she left awhile ago, then some other long term quality girls left as well. I guess all the termas go through up and down cycles....in the end it all comes down to the girls and just like they leave Lluomo they also come. So hopefully they will recycle and the quality will improve again in the future.

What changes, in addition to the girls, is the management practices, and the vibe created by both the management practices and the particular mix of girls. There are times when L'uomo has just rocked, and other times when the vibe is a lot less party-like. With the right mix of girls (I'm speaking mainly about their attitudes), the place is awesome. During its peaks, L'uomo just seems to be more fun than any other termas.

All of the places wax and wane, and all have their high and low points, but L'uomo is a special place when it gets rockin'.

Lovingmarvin:
Squirters are a lot of fun. I have not met one in Rio yet. Please let me know if you run in one and I will do the same.