We took the same normal route into the island but did something a little different. For those of you that have been there, you are well aware that you can wait for hours getting through the immigration lines. FL discovered (thanks to Hammer) on a recent trip that you could pay a $25 VIP fee, go to the head of the line, be escorted into a waiting salon, drink beer while waiting for your luggage and be whisked through customs with a flick of the wrist. No hassles, no waiting. The people at the front of the line were kinda pissed when we got put in front of them but hell, we paid and they didn't. It is the way of Cuba!

We had reserved a van but when we went to pick it up, they didn't have one. We wound up with a small tourist auto. You should have seen 5 of us with luggage get into it for our ride to the casa!

Neither of our planned casa particulars had three rooms available. Don't ever think a reservation means anything in Cuba. We had an alternative but knew it would be more expensive. What the hell? Private casa with a pool….let's take it. Rooms were above average, very clean and well appointed with TV, stereo, bars and fridges.

FL had first dibs on his regular room. I chose one and BW was escorted to another. I could tell he wasn't real happy so I offered him mine since it was his first trip to Cuba and all. He was really trying to be diplomatic about it but I didn't care. Would prove to be a stroke of genius. He was overwhelmed by my magnanimous offer of the better room. I knew it would pay off in spades.

We had another Cuba vet who has been there over 200 times. His experience would prove invaluable. Our Cuban friend from the RV tour joined us.

It was time to take the edge off and out we went for some chicas. They came back with three and I wasn't interested in any of them. BW, FL and Jeffrey were fine with them. Our other friend (Cman) had one of his regulars coming over. She was a babe; body to die for; not a real beauty. After some food and drinks, the casa owner informed us Cmans girl would have to go since she didn't have her Carnet. Cman was pissed. The damn casa owner could have told us earlier and we could have made other arrangements. Jeffrey is in my room getting a hummer, BW is heading to his room for a session, FL is in his room with his girl; Cman and I are sitting there staring at the walls. He calls one of his regulars and tells her to bring a friend. He is all smiles telling me she is a real babe. They arrive…yep…both babes although his friend has added about 10 pounds since he last saw her. Still, great body, big tits and beautiful face. Just right for the Sandman. As we chat, have a few drinks and swim, I start getting bad vibes from this girl. Demanding food, wanting different music, get me this, get me that. I told Cman I was ready to send them on their way as I wanted no part of this BS. He said he would take her and I could have her friend.

I grabbed friend by the hand and led her to my room. I took off my shirt and shorts, sat on the bed and I went to kiss her. She pushed me back and said, "negocios" I laughed and said, "quanto?" She said, "how much you pay?" I said, "how much you want?" She said, "for 2 hours $80" I laughed and said, "for TLN $40". She said she could not stay TLN and $40 was not enough.

I stood up, put on my shorts and started putting on my shirt. She asked what I was doing? I said she was leaving and I would give her taxi fare. She asked me to wait then ran over to her friends room. Came back in a few minutes and said OK. I told her TLN with a session tonight and one in the morning. She agreed but said she had to leave by 9:00 because of her nino.

Then, she made the fatal mistake. She asked for the money up front! I pointed to the door and told her to leave. "Get the fuck out of my room and my casa. I have lost total interest in you". A small tear developed in her eye and she said she could not leave without her friend. I told her to go sleep on the couch and she could leave in the morning. She asked if I would give her half and explained that some Italian dude had ripped her off of her money after spending three days with her. I acquiesced and gave her $20 but made her leave it on the table.

What followed was the most uninspiring fuck I have had in years. She literally laid there, with her eyes closed, never moved a muscle or made any overture at enjoying herself. When I was finished (about 2:00AM after two nights in a row of less than 4 hours sleep), I just rolled over and went to sleep.

She punched me at 4:00 AM and said she had to leave. I told her to go back to sleep. She woke me again at 6:00AM and told me she wanted to go swimming. I told her we couldn't get into the pool until 9:00AM. At 8:30 she was up and about watching TV (cartoons naturally) and I went for her again. She pushed me away. I told her she had agreed to a morning session. She said she wanted to leave. I told her no more money except Taxi. She said OK. At 10:00, she and her friend were still there. I was totally ignoring her. They asked for breakfast and Cman and I both told them breakfast was over. We each gave them $5 for a taxi and sent them on their way.

Photo: Negocios 01

How come you couldn't go swimming until 9AM? I would think you could jump in the pool 24/7.

She's cute, but she sounds like the true definition of a "dead fuck".

Sandman, you really have a way with the ladies. I'm impressed! He he he!

I hear that chocolate makes some girls irritable.

Yeah, I remember her in the morning. She and her friend were in the pool spashing around, but totally rude, lots of attitude.

She seemed to exude the incessant hustle that is common among the hard cores. She could have had it good and gotten lots of goodies and dinero from you, but instead she tried to work you from minute one.

RE Thumper: The casa did have its share of rules. I think they've been closing lots of casa particulars lately, and so they are worried about not being able to stay in business. Our buddy (whatever Sandman called him...) mentioned that it was much more laid back when he stayed this casa last year, before the crackdown.

Your explanation of our VIP status is so.... bland... even if it is truthful. You forgot to mention that we, as VIPs, were sent to Cuba by special urgent invitation of Fidel and the US Govenment, and as it was imperative that we whisk through customs and get down to our top secret business immedately. Our lives, as well as the safety of our free country, were at stake and we needed to move quickly.

Bull_winkle
VIP Traveller

Sandman:

What a pain in the ass! Hope the rest of your trip went better, but you realize that for another 6 hours flying you could have been in Rio....

Abraco,

Bs

So nice to read your report after BW report, short
entertaining and girl has a head on the picture

So nice to reed your report Sandman. Short, entertaining and only need a thurd grade idjucation to unnerstand

"you could pay a $25 VIP fee"

To whom? Where?

Wow.
I had heard that Cuba was much better than this.

Tell me Sandman, is there anything you would've done differently if you had it to do over again?

Give 'em another day before you write off Cuba. I had a bit of a rip-offy experience during my trip last year, but I still fell in love with the country. (I have a full trip report available if you want to read it; it's somewhat like Bull_Winkle's because I went over a lot of non-mongering aspects of the country).

I don't remember the Customs line being that bad when I went to Cuba - have things changed, or is my memory going rose-tinted after 8 months away?

Who do you pay the $25 to?

D

Thumper-swimming, as Bull Speller so apporpriately pointed out, was not allowed after midnight or before 9:00AM. Rules of the casa. We probably won't stay there anymore but we needed 4 rooms and this was the only pool casa we could find that could accomodate us. In Cuba, ya gotta take what you can get sometimes;

Aldaron-"Dead Fuck" yeah..I remember one just like her in High School. Oh well, it was just the first night and we were a little anxious...we've all been there guys!

BS-You know I am a Rio fan but Cuba is a nice little change of pace. Rio is kinda like Ruths Chris Steak House. Very consistent, know what to expect and you pay the price but I'd hate to eat there every night.

Cuba is like stopping at a diner on a long trip. You hope you get a decent meal. Sometimes you are pleasantly surprised and others you wind up with heartburn....but the price is always right!

Exp-Wish I could tell you who we paid the $25 to? It was some travel agent that DG used. I would think any travel agent that can book flights on Cubana can make the arrangement for you. It is worth every penny to avoid the lines and hassles.

David-you are right on...it just keeps getting better! This was just the first day of arrival and getting the edge off the old razor!


Gringas-In Cuba, you have to learn to be very flexible. Reserve a van...it's not available when you arrive, you take a car. Reserve a casa, call when you arrive, it is suddenly full. As mentioned, reservations mean nothing in Cuba except at the hotels and then you can still expect surprises.
What would I do different? I probably would have gone with DG on the first trolling run and helped bring back chicas. DG wanted to let BW go on the first run and the boy brought back TJ quality chicas (DG's was a regular). It got late (10:00PM)and Cman and I were chicaless. He made the call to a friend. Afterall, he had been there over 200 times! They just turned out to be hard core, which is not unusual in Cuba.

Oh BTW...we are going back again soon so there was no remorse on my part! I'll probably still go often.

BW-Ya bastard! You probably had a crush on your third grade teacher and she gave you extra special attention. Even though I can't type worth a shit, I can spell with the best of them. Just because your frickin IQ is off the charts, you don't have to demean your better in mongering to make up for your shortfall in experience....afterall, I lost mine at 12 and you were...er...ummm...how old again? he he he!

Good traveling with ya buddy.

For the rest of you. Please stay tuned for the rest of this adventure. BW was in rare form and I have included a few excerpts from some of his more memorable escapades as well as some photos of him in true to life form....This will become the battle of street smarts versus book smarts, seasoned traveler versus newbie, 20 year veteran monger versus a guy who is still wondering if what he is doing is right or wrong...I do like the way he writes though, he is a lot of fun to be around and he does take a practical joke well!

Sandman

I have to hand it to you Sandman. You were a whore's whore from an early age, and I am envious of that. Perhaps we should give you a new nickname -- "Senior"

What would I do different? I probably would have gone with DG on the first trolling run and helped bring back chicas. DG wanted to let BW go on the first run and the boy brought back TJ quality chicas (DG's was a regular).

Your memory is a little shaky. I had nothing to do with choosing Round 1. DG simply called up his blondie friend and asked that she bring 2 amigas. That's all. Except to add that they were indeed lovely. Why must you objectify women, you sexist pig (note: this author suffers from residual PC feminazi programing. Give me some slack here)

I stand corrected by the academia but you could have said...NO! IMO they were not up to Sandman standards. Maybe they met with your "indeed lovely" standards but this sexist pig prefers; not to have to put a bag over their head or have to chew his arm out from under them in the morning.

Damn, we gotta de-program you from the Feminazis.

This is getting fun!

You guys crack me up! Who will win in this battle? The seasoned vet? or the brainiac newbie?

Would it be a fair question to ask your lifetime acheivement numbers now, or wait until the end of the trip reports?

"Your explanation of our VIP status is so.... bland... even if it is truthful. You forgot to mention that we, as VIPs, were sent to Cuba by special urgent invitation of Fidel and the US Govenment, and as it was imperative that we whisk through customs and get down to our top secret business immedately. Our lives, as well as the safety of our free country, were at stake and we needed to move quickly."

I like Bull_Winkles explanation better than Sandmans.

Whichever explanation you prefer, it sounds like a great way to get down to business in a hurry.

Does VIP stand for "Very Important Philanderer"?

VIP = Very Impertinent Putanheiro

Ben-I like his explanation better too! But, GNM's and BS's suggestions are closer to reality than BW's....he he he!

Sandman,

Bull_Winkle only gives accurate and truthful reporting. That is why he adds a line at the end of many of his reports reminding us of his honest reporting.