After an unusual end to last night’s festivities, my body was a little bit out of whack. I’m not sure if it was the time spent on the throne or the traveling, but I needed a massage. So after breaking fast at the Dollhouse Restaurant, I headed over to get a massage at Body Bliss near Norma’s Money Exchange.

I’ll have to say this was the best legitimate massage I’ve had in Angeles – although I haven’t had many, legitimate massages that is. After stripping down to the birthday suit and getting on the table, I told the masseuse that I liked a firm massage. She responded with an outstanding effort that worked all the kinks out of my system. I was able to totally relax as it was early and there wasn’t many clients in the room. In fact, I relaxed so much that I actually woke myself up snoring while I was laying on my back. I went back to the room totally refreshed and ready to meet the day.

And today was a big day – Porker’s 40th birthday celebration.
Although under the weather with a viral infection, Porker was determined to celebrate his birthday in style by eating at one of the best restaurant in Angeles – Cottage Kitchen. In preparation for this fiesta, I decided to head out to the Perimeter to see what I could “cook” up in the way of girls.

I first went into the Gentleman’s Club to look for an old barfine there. Unfortunately, she wasn’t around and the girls at GC weren’t up to my exacting (read sober) standards. So after a water to cool down from the walk there and a beer to get myself into the proper mood, I moved on to see what else was happening.

My next stop was Cherry’s. I was pleasantly surprised by the relatively strong line-up here. The last time I had been here there was nothing that I found enticing at all. I ordered a beer and quickly spotted a cutie on stage. Just as I was about ready to call her down, their dance set ended and she immediately hauled ass into the back room. Thinking she’d be back out fairly quickly, I ordered another beer to wait. However, I waited in vain. She never showed back up and the other girls I was interested in were occupied by other customers so I decided to head next door to see what was up in Stampede.

Again, I was surprised to see another strong line-up on stage. In fact, during my time in Angeles I would say that Cherry’s/Stampede had the best line-ups of any bar I went into on the Perimeter.

I quickly spotted another little cutie and called her down for a beer. Stampede Shortie (SS) was 20 years old and from Manila. She admitted to having one kid and being divorced from her worthless Pinoy husband. She wanted to get a factory job in Manila but for now had to settle for dancing in Angeles. She was cute, outgoing and seemed like fun, so, as I was running out of time to attend Porker’s birthday bash, I decided to barfine her.

Once she changed clothes and came back I realized how freaking short she really was – probably about 4’11.” As a 6 plus footer, I usually like taller girls as we tend to fit better together in bed. But SS seemed nice so what the hell. We caught a trike (my only trike ride of this trip) and went up to Cottage Kitchen to sup with Porker, Bud and their girlfriends.

At Cottage Kitchen, I hit the Cheap Charlie’s jackpot – SS had already eaten and didn’t want to partake. This was her loss as the food at Cottage Kitchen is among the best I’ve eaten in Angeles. It is certainly pricey but well worth the cost. I ordered the babyback ribs. I believe that Porker and Bud both had the brisket. The girls (except for mine), had seafood. All in all, it was a good meal in good company.

After we finished, we headed over the videoke club at the Clarkton Hotel. This is the nicest videoke joint I’ve been in in the PI. Comfortable, nicely lit, decent looking waitresses and air-conditioned, this place has it all. Well, everything that is except for good singers. Although we gave it our best shot, none of us were on our videoke game that evening. In fact, SS was probably the best singer among us. Of course, Porker’s girlfriend and Bud’s girlfriend didn’t sing, so that left the three of us howling like dogs in heat. But, as I said before, it was good company and a good time.

About mid-way through the videoke-fest, I began to feel the real effects of jetlag. I was struggling hard to stay awake. Eventually, we decided to call it a night and left. On our way out, we stopped at Mirror’s – the bar at the Clarkton – to see what was shaking there. I hadn’t been here since my first trip a year ago when, as I recall, the place was literally dead. Tonight, however, it was decent. There seemed to be a number of cute girls. But I was tired and already had a girl, so wasn’t really focused on the talent.

After a beer, we all decided to go our separate ways. Bud and his girl would walk back to their house, located not too far from the Clarkton. Porker and I decided to get a trike – not together of course as that would be extremely gay, but one each for us and our girls. As soon as I walked outside I realized that I only had big bills so went back inside to make a little change. In the meantime, Porker apparently had a little tet-a-tet with a trike driver who refused to budge from his 100 peso demand for a ride. The next thing I know, Porker stuck his head in the door and said, “We’re taking a jeepney.” That was fine by me. Fuck all trike drivers and their outrageous fare demands.

After getting back down on Fields we headed back to our respective hotels – me to the Swiss Chalet; Porker to the Central Park. I have some vague remembrance of a “special birthday gift” that Porker’s girl had promised him. I hope you got it and everything else you wanted that night buddy!

Meanwhile, jetlag is kicking in for me in a MAJOR way. All I wanted to do was fuck and go to sleep. But SS suddenly turned into Chatty Cathy. She begins telling me every single story about her life that she could. I’m trying to politely listen – while I’m undressing her – but again, all I really want to do is fuck and go to sleep. At long last, she gets to a breaking point in her story-telling and I send her off to the shower. Finally!! After last night’s fiasco, I really needed to bust a nut. I stripped, lay back on the bed to relax and then – the next thing I know – it’s morning. I guess all I REALLY wanted to do was sleep. Fucking jetlag!

I woke up to find SS staring at me with those lovey-dovey eyes that only a Filipina who knows she’s found her man can make. Apparently, SS felt that the reason I hadn’t ravaged her the night before was because I was a gentleman. Well screw that, I needed to dispel that notion as soon as possible. Let the ravagement (I love making up new words) begin!

I began to put SS through her paces. She wasn’t an oral expert – although she was willing to learn – and she seemed to be in a little discomfort as she mounted up cowgirl (although I don’t know why as Mini-Me is hardly a giant amongst his peers.) After a decent amount of time and once we had established a nice rhythm, I flipped SS over to nail her missionary. This is where I dislike having a short girl. I’m looking directly into --- a pillow. Meanwhile, SS is suckling away on my nipple. It’s better than playing with Rosy Palm.

After slipping out of her, I reached down to reinsert and felt an odd sticky feeling. Looking down, there’s blood all over my hand, Mini-Me and the sheets. That was about as erotic as looking at male porn and I wilted like four-day old lettuce.

Immediately I asked SS why she hadn’t told me she was menstruating. She said she wasn’t, that I was just too big! (Mini-Me’s been called a lot of things, but big isn’t generally one of the adjectives used so this has to give you some idea of how small this girl is.) So I asked her why, if I was hurting her, didn’t she say something. She just said that she knew I wasn’t trying to hurt her and wanted to make me happy. That’s not the response, I’m looking for. In fact, all of her responses and the continued lovey-dovey look in her eye say one thing to me – RUN!

After cleaning ourselves up and taking a few photos, I began the delicate process of extricating myself from this potential nightmare. I told SS that my friends and I were heading over to Subic for a couple of days and that I would try to see her when I got back. Of course, this little fib would make Cherry’s/Stampede off-limits to me for the rest of my trip, but that was a small price to pay. SS bought the story hook, line and sinker while only getting my email address out of me as her price.

I took her to get a trike and sent her off down the road. Again, this was a very wise move on my part as I received two emails from her before I even left Angeles telling me how much she loved me and missed me. (I guess it’s good that some women have extremely low standards in men!) Unfortunately for her, I am an unrepentant butterfly. Now, on to my next victim.

Photos: Stampede Shortie 16 17 18 19 20 21 22

re: the "tete-a-tete", I offered 70 pesos for a ride home, he said "100", and I immediately said FUCK YOU and told the GF to "go find el apodo, we're taking a jeep and I'll sweat all the way home".

The sinus infection hit about 36 hours into my trip and I'm STILL hacking up greenish shit from my throat, even with all other symptoms long gone. For those who have never had one, it's quite the odd sensation when laying your head down on one side on the pillow and hearing a gurgling sound as the mucous drains into the other side of your head!

The good news is that a simple dose of amoxicilin cleared it up MOSTLY within a few days. Then it was just the fucked up foot to deal with...

It was a pleasure hanging out with you on this last trip. You are SO easy going and laid back, but talking to you is endlessly entertaining (especially about baseball, my favorite topic). It's amazing to me how you roll with the punches with (intestinal) illnesses and "I have mens"/hygiene excuses and jetlag, etc. I guess, like ME, you're just DAMNED happy to BE THERE and even the negative crap beats the HELL out of working, di ba?

And re: jet lag, I clearly remember my first trip to Asia and on my 2nd night falling stone-cold asleep waiting for food to come at the poolside restaurant about 9 PM. Also like you, I seemed to wake up at DAWN every day after that... THAT is when having a sleepover girl come in handy! Nothing better than rolling over and finding a willing recipient for the early AM wood!

Oh, and thanks to you and BIGBALLS for helping to celebrate a quite depressing milestone for me. I guess I'd be lucky to be considered middle-aged now?

And Cottage Kitchen is indeed good stuff!

Hurray for blowing off the dirtbag triker. They've gotten greedier and greedier.

You weren't clear, but did you take the jeepney all the way back to the hotel or just to the terminal? When you're in a group of 4 or more, it's more economical and more comfortable to offer to pay the jeepney driver about 100 pesos to take all of you to back to your hotel, rather than pay each trike driver the same amount.