At a recent gathering in NY, one of the people who was "the life of the party" turned out to be a poet, believe it or not. Near the end of the evening, he started making up quick impomptu limericks based on geographical places that were called out to him by the other people in attendance (e.g. there once was a girl from Alabama......). The women especially seemed to be really enjoying it, although admittedly most of them were a bit tipsy at the time.

So with the firm belief that poetry is popular now, I offer my original TJ limerick with hope that other mongers will provide some possible humor too:

I often travel to Tijuana
Because it's a chica Nirvana;
When my sex drive is huge
I go there to splooge,
Pumping like there's no manana.

A Better not give up his day job kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

As a long-time limerick nut, I'm glad to see someone start this thread. Come to think of it, the whole TJ scene just begs to have limericks written about it.

I offer these, for starters:

Let's all drink to our Eden, the Zona
Destination for all with a boner.
With chicas galore
It's a guaranteed score
And you know, that ain't no bologna!

Montezuma's Revenge isn't sweet
In the Zona, best watch what you eat.
Lest the food from street vendors
A few hours later, renders
Your butt glued to the nearest toilet seat.

Give me time... I'll probably come up with a few more.

There was a young chica from TJ,
Who was known for her marvelous BJ,
She drank so much jizz,
That when she would whiz,
Her piss was as blanca as leche.

I need a life.

There once was a chica called "loca",
Whose skin was the color of mocha.
Hard work makes her frown,
So she'd rather go down,
And make lots of cash with her boca!

I met a girl in the San Souci,
Who's panocha was not very juicy.
If you're wondering why,
Her vagina's so dry,
It's ‘cause she wasn't born with a pussy!

I met a girl named Adelita,
When trolling for whores on Coahuila.
That chick fucked with my brain,
Now I'm way past insane,
How I need you, my sweet morenita!

I went to the U-corn-i-o,
To find me a little slut-ho.
I paid a small fee,
And then shouted with glee,
When she started to lick, suck and blow!

I picked up a little street girl,
'Cause I wanted to give her a whirl.
But her pussy was rank,
And her asshole just stank,
And she laughed when I started to hurl.

(warning... reading this one may be hazardous to your health)

There's a bar in TJ called the Kinkle
Where the "women" all stand up to tinkle.
If you go there, beware
You'll get quite a scare
And your date might resemble Bullwinkle!

This limerick is also a public service announcement:

While screwing, the rubber done broke,
But I just continued to poke.
Now I've got HIV,
And it hurts when I pee,
Bareback fucking, it isn't a joke.

Oh my God!!!!!! What have I started!

When I'm not in TJ I miss it,
So fantasies I need to solicit;
I fire up my modem
And play with my scrotum
Until my next Mexican visit.

A Wishing I was there kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

There was a young girl in tijuana
who slept with her pet iguana
and then one night
she woke in a fright
because her iguana was in her ana

Close but I could not think of a good ending word, preferably a Mexican one.

I was drinking a Negra Modelo,
Kicked back in my fav'rite bordello.
My chica did quiver,
When my cum I did give her,
Which she wrang out of my hardened fellow.

If you sell this compilation, Ootie, make sure you send some of the profits to TJH!

Westfargo got some head in the zona,
by a real while redhead name mona,
when he ended his spew, mona knew he
was through. West. reached for his money,
forgetting he had given it to
another honey, he knew it wansn't funny
that she had given head for no money.
so, he gave her his watch inlew...

I need a life too!

Westfargo...

There once was a monger Westfargo
Who met a real redhead named Margo;
When she sucked his "eleven"
She screamed: "I'm in heaven,
I've never seen such manly cargo."

A Trying to save the poet Westfargo before he becomes Westfargone kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

(a touch of wistfulness accompanies this one...)

I met, at the Bar Adelita
A chica that couldn't be sweeter.
Her heavenly lays
And BBBJ's
Made her a no-doubt repeater.

This one is a bittersweet ballad:

I went down to Peanuts & Beer,
To feel up some chichis & leer.
I gave them some chances,
To get me off with lapdances,
Which have emptied my wallet, I fear.

There once was a monger named Jay
Who hitched a wench named Dulce
One day there was a whirl
When she found him with a street-girl
And sadly...now he's a buey.

I was hangin' in La Tropical,
Tryin' to find me that one special gal,
Who will do me for free,
And then, possibly,
Take my rod in her tight little tail!

A chica from Guadalajara
Had this incredible aura.
She rode me divinely
And then 69'd me
And then blew me straight into tomorrah!

(I wish...)

Her bird imitations weren't malo;
I waited for her next one to follow;
"Which one?" she inquired;
I replied quite inspired:
Please do the Mexican Swallow.

A For the birds kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

A street girl from old Veracruz
Always fucked guys while wearing her shoes,
When the clients were done,
She'd jump up and run,
Shouting, "No mas tiempo to lose."

Lol-you guys are too funny-well here is my
medical poem:
In TJ kept your dick really clean
Cause remember how many times it will be seen
And remember no matter how you shake or dance
That when you pee the last few drops go in your
pants
So remember when you reach for your pecker dear
That germs will be really near
So wash your hands when you are through
And who you handshake afterwards wont get the "flu"

I picked up a chica so sweet,
That I licked from her head to her feet.
She must have had fun,
'Cause when I was done,
She had soaked all the way through the sheet!

Me dijo, "Ven aqui, pinche gringo,
Porque to voy a vuelver bien loco!"
Agarre a mi pito,
Como era burrito,
Y chupe hasta tirara moco!

Sorry about the spelling errors . . .

Me dijo, "Ven aqui, pinche gringo,
Porque te voy a vuelver bien loco!"
Agarre a mi pito,
Como era burrito,
Y chupe hasta tirara moco!

Sorry about the spelling errors . . .

I once knew a real gready old whore, who always asked for more, needy she was, until I fucked her sweet young cuz, and now I'm with her never more...

Just getting bored!

Westfargo...

Tijuana, you are my paradise,
For you satisfy every vice.
There's no need to get lucky,
If you want sucky-fucky,
For a price, they will treat you so nice!

I always hate using a condom;
Sensitivity sucks when I've donned 'em.
But now my spirits are danker
Because my dick developed a chancre;
Bare-back blowjobs? I no longer want 'em.

A Facetious kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

I met her in the callejon,
When she stopped me to feel up my bone.
I gave her some cash,
And then filled up her gash,
How I love getting sucked, fucked and blown!

Some mongers prefer AB;
Some mongers prefer CC;
Which club gets top billing?
Tastes great or less filling?
Meanwhile I'll do an SG.

A Commercial kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

A boxom Unicornio dancer
Knows just how to stiffen your lancer,
For one Jackson she sucks,
For two Jacksons she fucks,
And you don't even have to romance her.

This is addictive.

Oh my God! What have I started?
I beg forgiveness to be imparted;
Matiz is now addicted
By the limericks we've inflicted;
I'm so upset, I just farted.

A The one who smelt it dealt it kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

Oh, I must:

Unicornio had a dancer called Dora
Other referred to her as La Bufadora
She was dark skinned
And when she broke wind
That smell would really Abhor ya!

In Adelita's worked a girl named Kenia
And man she would BBBJ ya!
In our multiple positions in the room that ensued
My johnson was standing tall and happy and splooged.
And she helped shower the mess right off of ya!

I remember my first time in TJ
I did not get a very long BJ
she started sucking
which soon begat fucking
and after 3 minutes I was longing for REPLAY!!!

I once did a 80 peso street girl
who did not have the requisite hair curl
her hotel was a hovel,
to put it mildly, disheveled,
but she fucked like a tornado-like wind swirl!

Sorry, off topic, but gotta do it, my all time fave:

There once was a man from Peru
Who fell asleep in a canoe
Was dreaming of Venus (Williams???)...
And played with his penis...
And woke up with a handful of GOO!

In Bambi this chica had great boobs
She made me really want to splooge
Penis erect I could only think Wow!
But In the room said she was a girl _NOW_!
Something like that can really scare you.

A two-for-Tuesday kind of limerick:

A street girl hissed sucky-fucky
I thought she was kinda yucky
But I caved in
With a big grin
For only $15, I felt lucky

But in the sack that little dish
Was as lifeless as a dead fish
On the ceiling counting the flies
Can you imagine her surprise
She said Teep Teep, she can wish

There is a monger enclave,
Who keeps a dead chica in a cave;
You must admit
She smells like shit,
But think of the money they save.

A Not a member of that enclave kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

MANANA

If you want your dick to hum,
sit down and buy Tamara a rum.
She will quench your desire
But you wont satisfy her.
Tamara,you see,never comes.

After numerous trips to TJ,
My body's been effected this way:
What spurts from my boner?
Not sperm, but Corona;
Now my fav needs to join A.A.!

A Gives new meaning to the "head on a glass of beer" and "being a-dick-ted" kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

I've been bitten by chigger mites,
On my legs and arms there are bites.
I itch and I scratch,
(I hope thet don't hatch)
How do you get rid of this blight?

Trolling sleaze clubs down on Revo Street,
'Cause I'm tired of beating my meat.
Got a nasty lap dance,
Till I came in my pants,
Blew my load while I sucked on her teet!

I took a stroll into the ISIS,
For relief from my sexual crisis.
She led me to a booth,
But I found it uncouth,
When I sat in a puddle of hot piss.

Yet another new low, for your literary displeasure . . . .

I told her, come hither, mujer,
For I'm anxious to buy you a beer.
Then when you're feeling fine,
You can blow me divine,
And let me spew my goo in your hair!

An anxious to get back to tj kind of guy,

Kendricks

AMsterdam Limerick

Among Amsterdam roads ossified,
two young girls on their bikes took a ride.
One turned to say
"I've never come this way."
"It's the cobblestones" the other replied.

Your efforts, gentlemen, are to be applauded. Just amazing. I'll keep trying to match your limerick level.

After a session of sex I go
Eat cartburgers in Mexico;
Most meals make me smile;
But once in a while,
I have more gas than Texaco.

A Rump for a pump kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

I wanted to give her a feel,
Just to see if those chi-chis were real.
Her tits caved in my face,
I'd have much preferred mace,
'Cause those boobies were harder than steel!

After all these years, I think I may have finally found my calling...