Here's another cold, hard slap in the face:

I am down to my last ten pesos,
But I gotta nail one of them hoes.
I dropped down to my knees,
And I begged, Pretty please!
She said no, I don't fuck broke gringos...

I once was a good looking man,
I was tall, I was buff, I was tan.
Now I just drink and monger,
For my looks are no longer,
So I've become Tijuana's biggest fan!

Another possible ending:

But my chica thinks I'm Jackie Chan!

I guess I'm going to have to hit rock bottom before I can get back on with my life....

Here's one we can all relate to:

She told me that I am the best,
While she played with the hair on my chest.
Are these nothing but lies,
She tells all of the guys?
Don’t ask why, just enjoy the fuckfest!

And a sad, bittersweet tale of a monger who couldn't live up to his lust-crazed chica's expectations:

Mayra screamed, metalo muy muy duro!
Fuck me hard, don’t stop now, mi gran güero.
But I came much too quick,
For this horny young chick.
Now she thinks I’m just one more culero.

Does anyone know the number for Limericks Anonymous?

Limericks Anonymous's number ain't listed
For us mongers poetically-twisted;
But there's a hotline
In this blackbook of mine
For the chicas Westfargo has fisted.

A Just looking to give chicas a hand kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

A rather cynical one:

Such is the life of a monger
The urge just gets stronger and stronger.
We pay for affection
They tax our erection
And our income goes out through our donger.

(Gotta love the longevity of this thread...)

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
Each with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two dollars and fifty cents
They didn't go up for water!

A TJ adaptation of an all-time classic limerick:

A monger who came from Nantucket
Had a member so long, he could suck it.
To his chica's chagrin
He wiped off his chin
Saying, "Back off, while I spit in the bucket!"

Change the last line of that last one to:

And said, "Move, while I spit in the bucket!"

It flows better.

No pun intended.

There was a gent from The Isle of Wight
Tried cunninglingus but couldn't get it right
Bit down on her panocha
But it kept tasting like mocha
If it taste like mocha you're taking too big of a bite!

Tijuana is my holy grail,
'Cause panocha is always for sale.
Try the same in LA,
And she's likely to say,
Papacito, you're going to jail!

A tribute to those who are truly addicted to this site:

The Hombre web site sure is grand
Tales of conquests in faraway lands
But I'm stuck in my home
With carpal tunnel syndrome
From typing with only one hand.

A young monger in sexual heat
Took two chicas upstairs for a treat.
They ignored this poor brother
And ravished each other
And charged him for beating his meat.

What's the difference between Julietta-CC and sperm? Here's a limerick which provides the answer:

Mongers seem to be agreeing
Julietta is not worth seeing;
Both wiggle and dance,
But sperm has a chance
Of becoming a human being.

A Vendetta against Julietta on behalf of all the mongers who she has duped and pissed off kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

Just imagine this scenario:

A chica with funds to consume
Took a gigolo up to the room.
They argued all night
About who had the right
To do what, for how much, and to whom.

There was a young girl from Peru,
Who had nothing whatever to do.
So she sat on the stairs,
And counted cunt hairs;
Four thousand, three hundred and two.


I would like to propose that we further our
poetic endeavors by having a SONNET or HAIKU
writing contest.We need a panel of judges
and a prize. The prize can be as simple as
being named OFFICIAL HOUSE POET OF CLUB HOMBRE.

LOL, Seismo. That was one hairy chica!

A sly chica from old Mexico,
Loved to say the word “fellatio”.
When men asked what she did,
Without fail she would fib,
That’s her chin, not her mouth, don’t you know?

These limericks are getting better and better. Really.

A voting contest might be meaningless because all the contributors in this thread have come up with an absolute gem or two. There are no minor leaguers here. Some of you guys may have even missed your calling.

Can a poetry thread be far behind?

A Continuing to be very impressed kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

She was giving me such a mamada,
That I thought there would be no mañana.
My verga was throbbing,
But she kept right on bobbing,
Till I spewed all my goo in su cara!

--

How about everyone vote for their favorite limerick, that was written by someone other than the person casting the vote? It would be kind of dull to watch everyone vote for himself....

My vote would have to go to Farsider's limerick of this morning, that begins with the line:

"A chica with funds to consume"

It was an extremely tough decision and every contributor needs to be applauded. But if you put a gun to my head and made me choose one, my choice would be Farsider's Kinkle limerick on 6/25. Why? Because it was about TJ, it makes me laugh each time I read it, and it's cadence and rhyming was perfect (10-10-6-6-10 syllables) after changing the you'll to you will:

(reprinted with his permission, I assume):

There's a bar in TJ called the Kinkle
Where the "women" all stand up to tinkle.
If you go there, beware
You will get quite a scare
And your date might resemble Bullwinkle!

An I read through the entire thread again kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

Thanks for the citations, guys. And I agree with the improvement that Ootie suggested on the Kinkle bar limerick. I'll return the favor on one of yours, below.

But the best of the best? I'm gonna wimp out and name three favorites. First is Ootie's classic from 6/25, which I can definitely relate to:

When I'm not in TJ I miss it,
So fantasies I need to solicit;
I fire up my modem
And play with my scrotum
Until my next Mexican visit.

For better cadence, you could alter the first two lines as follows:

When I'm not in TJ I sure miss it
And so fantasies I must solicit


Next, we have Kendricks' entry from 7/19. Something about it just makes me chuckle:

I once was a good looking man,
I was tall, I was buff, I was tan.
Now I just drink and monger,
For my looks are no longer,
So I've become Tijuana's biggest fan!


Finally, I got a real kick out of Seismo's latest:

There was a young girl from Peru,
Who had nothing whatever to do.
So she sat on the stairs,
And counted cunt hairs;
Four thousand, three hundred and two.

Farsider,

Thanks for improving my limerick. Two heads are indeed better than one. The other limericks you cited were all among my finalists. The talent level here is amazing which makes it too difficult to choose between authors for the most part. Fun is the bottom line.

A There's no Lemonrick writers in this group kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

One minor point of disagreement, Ootie. Two heads are not *always* better than one:

http://www.atlasperovic.com/contents/4.htm

Kendricks

There are lots of funny ones, but I'm gonna vote for Seismo's "girl from Peru". The image of this bored gal counting her pubic hairs while sitting on the steps just makes me chuckle.

Ootie... thanks for starting this thread in the first place!

Keeping the limericks coming:

As he dreamt of his chica so fine
He expounded her talents online.
He extolled both her hooters
To mongers' computers
And praised her panocha divine.

Damn Kendricks, I sure wish I hadn't followed that link.

You will need to click on my link posted earlier today to fully appreciate this one:

Adelito don't like to see pics,
Of guys that have multiple dicks.
Two pricks look kinda weird,
They may even be feared,
But two's better than four, five or six!

To turn back to a more pleasant topic:

I was dying to get me some ass,
From a sexy dark-skinned little lass.
So I ran for the border,
Where I could afford her,
'Cause up here, they all carry teargas.

I hope you enjoy the visual picture that this conjures up (but not too much):

Kicking back to compose a limerick,
One hand types, the other plays with my dick.
I need to get inspired,
'Cause my arm's getting tired,
And I'm starting to feel orgasmic!

Let the good times roll....

Mongering can be quite an obsession,
With no doubt, it's my fav'rite transgression.
It is such a great joy,
To find a new sex toy,
Who belongs to the next generation.

My chica is in the Book of Guinness,
They're in awe of her sexual business.
She does twenty each day,
Says she likes it that way,
In TJ, she's been crowned Queen of Penis!

That young girl is addicted to semen,
It's as if she's possessed by a demon.
I don't want to sound rude,
But she's given up food,
Monger cum is her only nutrition!

Someone help, I can't stop this damn rhyming!
When I talk, it's in limerick timing.
Won't you call 911,
For this son-of-a-gun,
I'm a victim of lim'rick imbibing!

Some folks monger in search of satori,
Others' interest is only clitori.
But that don't matter none,
Just go have lots of fun,
And come back here to tell me your story.

There is a chica in Las Chavelas,
Who has drowned quite a few of the fellas.
When she comes she does loose,
Such a flood of sweet juice,
Some will hide underneath their umbrellas!

And the madness continues:

There once was a girl from Morocco
Whose blowjob was like a sirocco;
She sucked off my putz,
And inverted my nuts;
Now my scrotum looks like a taco.

A Lorena Bobbit has nothing on her kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

I met a young chica named Helen
Her oral techniques had me yellin'
So she polished my shaft
In her holes fore and aft
And then finished me off with her melons.

Maybe I'll just write my next trip report in limerick form.

There's a chica that sucks with such power
The barometer changes each hour;
She's a nom-de-plume vandal:
Swallowed part of my handle;
Now I'm known as Out-of-Tower.

A Good thing she didn't swallow the o's in Ootie or I would have been left with a tie (which is like kissing your sister) kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner
Out-of-Toner
Out-of-Tower

I indulged in my new fascination
Cunnilingus with hand stimulation.
But her red-hot panocha
Ignited my boca
Unintentional self-immolation!

Gives an entirely new meaning to the phrase, "going down in flames."

She is quite a sadistic little whore,
Who is addicted to blood, guts and gore.
She's killed 13 mongers,
And cut off their dongers,
Now she is lusting to sever some more.

Now for the flip side of the S&M coin....

Spent the night with a full-fledged masochist,
I strung her up by her foot and her wrist.
This girl was way hard-core,
She kept screaming for more,
So I had to shut her up with my fist.

When it comes to good looks, she's a thriller
All who gaze on her sure'd like to drill her
But her attitude sucks
For the same thirty bucks
I'd rather be screwing Titzilla!

(well, not really...)

What better way to cool you off on a hot summer day or night than with a limerick about those wonderful ice flavored Slurpies:

She sucked me like she did with Slurpies;
I went bareback with Wyatt Earp ease;
Now I'm no longer "cool":
There are growths on my tool!
My doc just told me it's herpes.

A Seriously hopes that it never happens to me kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

I just saw the September issue of Penthouse which I haven't read in years. They have a dirty limerick section with about four entries this month. Well let me tell you: I think they suck.

90% of the TJ limericks in this thread are better. Any one of us should strongly consider sending in one of our limericks. I'm positive it would be published (although I don't know if there is payment or a prize; maybe just kudos).

Also, the Pet of the Month facially bears a bit of a resemblance to Christina Applegate. Some mongers have mentioned in the past that Silvia-AB looks like Christina Applegate. Does that mean that the Pet looks like Silvia (A=B=C)?

You can view the Pet at www-penthouse.com

A Centerfold and a billfold kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

What a long and strange trip it has been
To get back to the Zona again.
So with cash in my pocket
And fuel in my rocket
Once again, let the good times begin!

(Appropriate, since I'm leaving tomorrow.)

Good luck on your trip Farsider;
May your pussy's be tight, not wider;
Whether it's CC or AB,
Give an extra stroke for me,
Especially if bareback inside her.

We'll be expecting to read a great trip report when you get back (totally in limerick form of course)!

A Hope you enjoy yourself to the max kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

Penthouse limericks are painfully lame,
And their pictures are always too tame.
So unless you are gay,
Just go head for TJ,
And ne'er again will you be quite the same.

Think they'll print that one?

You guys did this to me... I'm not gonna limerick, I'm not gonna limerick… the hell I'm not gonna limerick!


Mi moto, it takes me to TJ
For a much needed sexual foray;
I'll drink and I'll fuck
And just run amuck;
Then I'll ride home all happy the next day.

I say we resuscitate this thread. Newcomers, give it a try!

A chica's voracious fellation
Caused bizarre atmospheric gyrations.
They issued that morning
A hurricane warning
And a full coastal evacuation.

Another in the "I wish" category:

A Chicago Club chica, Pilar
Was so horny, she made me see stars.
If given the chance
She'd have yanked down my pants
And blown me right there in the bar.

A hopefully not-too-common tale of woe:

Oh, how the mighty have fallen!
Done in by some damn bareback ballin'.
I thought she was spunky
Uncovered my monkey
And now it's red, burning and swollen.

Try saying the last line ten times fast over lunch today:

My chica told me that she was in the mood,
To have her guapo chow down on seafood.
When I got in her thighs,
There were tears in my eyes,
Cuz her cooz oozed goo from some other dude!

Clarification: the "Pilar" from CC that I refer to in the above limerick was intended to be FICTIONAL.

A couple of readers have informed me via email that there really is a Pilar at CC.

Don't know if she's horny enough to make you see stars.

I used to screw Betty my fave,
Who'd spread spread her buns while I raved.
I drilled her for oil
and now I'm quite spoiled
each day it's her asshole I crave.

A Limerick-a-clef --

Said the ex-pol, "I did not visit T-J,
And while there I did not smoke M-J.
I did not inhale,
Nor does the Senator pale
To that chica who asks, 'D-W?' "

Not an original...got it via e-mail:

Osama Bin Laden, you son of a bitch,
May your balls develop, a seven year itch!
May your pecker be twisted, in such a manner,
That your asshole whistles, "The Star Spangled Banner."

A guy in the bar, he announces,
"My testicle weighs fifty ounces!"
Up gets his wife
a'holdin' a knife...
Thats the way the ball bounces

=Dogster=